Wow...its been so loooooong time i havent update my blog... i guess i just update it. hahaha...
For real...i got nothing to say except about my comp...HANGKANG liao~~ uhuhuhuhuhu
I want new computer~~~ I think below RM3000 would be enough but...where do i find RM3000...=.=" BIG LOL...oh well...I just have to be patient then~ T.T Now im using my mum lap top...TOTALLY cant catch up my typing speed...LOL not sensitive enough. I keep type fast n erase for correction...
1 word~~ OHMYGOD!!! Malaysia getting worst and worst everyday...
Accident here accident there...
Rompak here rompak there...
Belasah here belasah there...
Hiyoyo...what happen to our country...much worst is Raya Day. Totally NOT happy raya...so much cases. Weird why policesss dint do anything good. I read news that they will do "PERONDAAN" but...saaaaaaaaama jugak byk kes...LoLz...terpaksa I put many weapons in my mom's car just in case for protection. Bring locker so that the thief would take time removing the locker. Anywhere I go I have to bring weapon in my body. Just in case kena rompak suddenly...go out find job oso hard...sikit2 many bad ppl aiming u. LoLz...if kena sudah police oso SLOW to arrive...SO??? BETTER PROTECT YOURSELF. KILL IF MUST!!! BETTER THEN KILLED...SAME CONCEPT!!! CEGAH daripada rawat. KILL BEFORE KILLED...SAME LAR!!! Some of us bring weapon to PROTECT ourselves and SOME polices are IDIOTS!!! MANA SEMPAT KOL KAMU KALO SUDAH KENA TIKAM!!! BODOH!!! FIKIR LA!!! KAMU PUN BUKAN 5 minutes sampai tempat kejadian...LOLZ. BETTER SENDIRI BERTINDAK...RUN 1st. Kena kejar baru protect yourself. I want to find job oso hard...sini sana ada muka jahat sini sana ada muka peragut n perompak!!! So what to do? STAY HOME KA? LOLZ...
p/s : Everything here is base on my experiences...Im manage to run away in most situations. But I oso manage to protect myself by 1st action...usually when Im bad mood. I am so pissed off becoz of the people surrounding and mostly pissed off on security. SO INEXPERIENCE!!! PENAKUT!!! TAU MENGURAT SJA BUT PENAKUT!!! People NEED help but all HIDE!!! BODOH!!! STUPID!!! IDIOT!!! So many security in 1 building oso cant find that "guy"...MAO LITZ BETUL!!!
I cannot believe my LOYALTY in love NEVER been trusted n appreciated...IM SO LOST!!!
Im...so...so...so...speechless. No Mood at all...
Sigh~ Sigh~ Sigh~
P/S : I Wish God SAVE and BLESS Her...=( I dun wan anything bad happen to her...I cant even reach her oledi...Everything I said she never wanted to listen anymore. I AM SO LOST RIGHT NOW!!! T.T I cant do anything...Im so so so LOST~~
I feel so DOWN!!! AAARRRGGHH SO SO STRESS!!! Cant I have BETTER life??? Cant I have LESS STRESS? I TRY SO HARD TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! I CANT BELIEVE U KEEP THINKING NEGATIVE SIDE. I keep thinking how to introduce you to my family. BUT NOW IS NOT THE TIME!!! WE HAVE SO MANY CRISIS GOING ON!!! CANT U UNDERSTAND MY SITUATION!!! IM STRESS BECOZ I CANT DO ANYTHING YET!!! We been arguing and fighting each other for over 7 days. I try to make it better with you but you keep THINKING NEGATIVE WAY. I CANT DO ANYTHING BETTER YET SINCE I DUN HAVE A JOB!!! HOW AM I GOING TO PROOF MY LOVE FOR YOU!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH & BEING VERY VERY VERY VERY HONEST WITH YOU BUT YOU KEEP SAYING I DUN LOVE YOU & CARE FOR YOU!!! WHY IS THAT??? EVERYDAY I KEEP THINKING ABOUT U...THINKING ABOUT OUR FUTURE!!! BUT YOU NEVER LISTEN!!! YOU KEEP SAYING I DUN LOVE YOU ANYMORE. YOU DUN TRUST ME ANYMORE!!! I am SO SO SO SO SO SO HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you understand my REAL feeling right now??? I GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS BECOZ THEY HELP ME WITH THEIR BEST!!! I TRUST THEM BECOZ THEY ALSO TEACH ME TO BE BETTER PERSON!!! What is wrong going out with them??? I dint go church with you to meet your family DOESNT MEAN I DUN LOVE YOU!!! ITS BECOZ MY MOM ASK ME NOT TO GO OUT BECOZ OF MONEY CRISIS!!! FINANCIAL CRISIS!!! You know HOW HARD to choose between MOM and GIRLFRIEND!!! UURRRGGHHH!!! WHY cant you understand me??? I TRY SO HARD TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! I TRY SO HARD TO INTRO YOU TO MY FAMILY!!! BUT I DONT KNOW HOW!!! THERE ARE SO MUCH PROBLEMS COME OUT....WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT??? PLEASE!!! I BEG YOU TO UNDERSTAND MY FAMILY SITUATIONS!!! I told you many times to be patient...WE WILL BE TOGETHER!!! BUT ITS NOT SO EASY!!! PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS!!! I wan to have many friends...I CHOOSE MY FRIENDS CAREFULLY AND MOST OF THEM ARE GREAT PERSON INCLUDE GIRLS!!! I friend with girls so that I could ask them for help. I WAN TO UNDERSTAND GIRLS SO MUCH!!! I REALLY DUNO HOW TO MAKE A GIRL HAPPY!!! THATS WHY I FRIEND WITH GIRLS!!! I DUN CHEAT ON YOUR BACK!!! I NEVER DID!!! HOW ARE WE GONNA BE TOGETHER IF YOU KEEP SAYING ME DUN LOVE YOU ANYMORE!!! I MUST HELP!!! HELP MY FAMILY!!! BE WITH MY FAMILY!!! I WAN TO SHOW MY RESPECT & HONOR TO MY FAMILY!!! I DUN WAN TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES!!! I TRY AND I TRY AND I TRY SO HARD TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! EXPLAIN TO YOU!!! BUT YOU.......UUURRRGGGHHH!!!!
p/s : TOTALLY speechless...I never tot this would happen. I feel like...all what I did is just a waste of time and energy. I ALREADY AT MY LIMIT!!! 8 days STRAIGHT we been arguing the same things...THE SAME THINGS!!! THE SAME PROBLEMS!!! sigh~ sigh~ sigh~
Its been long time I dint update my blog...well coz I rili dunno what to write. O.O so I guess I talk about my girlfriend then. We been...err...5 months I guess. Still new? I dont think so. We been through so much pain together oledi. We keep facing a lot of problems together. I really wanted to show my girlfriend to my family but...well...kind embarrassing coz we all never talk about this kind of conversation except to my sister if she knows that I have girlfriend. I do hope this time my mom like my girlfriend. Come on lar...Im oledi 24 years old. There's no other girls out there are better. Its not easy to find REALLY good one. Mostly doesnt give me respect & their attitudes are SUCKS!!! Find cute one = BAD attitude, Find pretty one = EYES of money, Find Okay Okay one = Want tall guy...OOOII U ALL THINK U SO HIGH CLASS MEH!!! Nvm...I just be patient. Now that I've found the girl I been dream of...well according to my DEJAVU...She is the one in my dream. I admit we all have special ability but we never realize which one. Hahahaha...anyway those pictures above are MY BELOVED GIRLFRIEND. A lot a lot a lot of pain we have been through together. Well...sometimes almost break up but I think everything are test given from God whether we truly should be together or not. I guess many tests we have pass. The tests getting harder and harder everyday. But I always believe there are a lot lessons from all the tests since my girlfriend and I dont have so much experiences in relationship. Sometimes I so confused about the tests given but both of us manage to settle it. One thing for sure now is I wanted to show my girlfriend to my family...(mau kasi kenal lar...show off sikit GF sa bukan jak cantik but also cute...XD) Last time failed...I hope this time will be success. Well...IM HOPING SO MUCH!!! >.< Its not easy to find life partner that really understand me. Mostly all care for themselves only. SELFISHNESS...jadi fish la kamurang. XD wahahahahah jk jk....anyway Im out of idea to write about her...hahahaha...I will give an update about us. =p
P/S : Oh I forgot one thing important. She is DUSUN girl from Kampung Matupang, Ranau. 23 years old this year. 1 year younger than me. =p someday I gonna show her to my family. I HOPE my mom like her. >.< She......well......=.=" ndak berapa pandai masak but still acceptable lar. Hiya cooking can learn bah...actually Im tired of tapuk2 punya relationship...I keep headache about it. Too much oledi...
Okay lar...tat's all for now. XD soon will be updated....
Its been so long I dint exercise on dance game machine...Hahahaha...but really sad just play 1 round oledi "fuhh...fuhhh..fuhh...tired...water...water....need rest..." HIYOOOO...how can like that one??? T.T so sad eh~~~ why the becoz~~~ Nvm...its just 1st day...HOHOHOHO...
Must set time for exercise now...if not...keep getting sick...HIYOOO mana tahan oo...keep baring2 there like dead man oledi...NO WAY!!! I WAN EXERCISE!!! Lazy go jogging...then I choose to go play game instead...HOHOHO PUMP IT UP & DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!!! HURAH!!! PLAY!!! EXERCISE!!!
So happy I'll be able to play again...hahahaha...
Its good to be back on track~~ But my dance partner busy work...HIYAK~~ cant do freestyle ooo...HIYO...but can do oso no use...I totally forgot all the moves...XD wahahahahhahaha...
Anyway im looking forward for another play...HOHOHOHO solo pun solo lar~ most important EXERCISE!!! IM BURNING!!!
Is it really fun speeding? Use car but dont know use signals? People already so closed and suddenly cut in line? Is that really fun and make you all top drivers? Pro drivers? Aaaaww~~ Here this...how good you are...YOU STILL WILL ACCIDENT!!! HAHAHAHA...SERVED YOU RIGHT.
FUN isn't it? Are you happy after accident? Well Im happy becoz GOD punish you!!! SERVED YOU RIGHT!!! NEXT TIME BECAREFUL!!! OBEY THE RULES OF ROAD SAFETY!!! Your money wont be "safe" when you get into accident.
Always wanna drag innocent people into accident...now feel your own "punishment". Im sure it taste orange...or...coffee. HAHAHA!!!
Some or MOST drivers nowaday...always ignore the road safety. Once accident...here and there...this is your fault...that is your fault...I dun have money to pay this and that. COME ON LAR!!! You got money to modify your car but no money to pay broken car. LoLz...just throw your damn car. Dont drive at all!!! Go learn back your license and do all those road safety exam. OBEY THEM THAN NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU!!!
P/s : All I can say is..."Haaa Haaa HAaaaaa...." Thats all for those "lucky" drivers who got their own "medicine". I say lucky becoz you live...If you're dead...than you're not lucky at all.
AARRGGHH!!! All I can do is screaming out loud now. With the internet thats soooooo damn slow...its hard for me to get information in internet. SO HARD TO SURF!!! Everytime same excuses...HELLOO??? YOU THINK WE ALL STUPID??? Hey we use internet more then u giving service to us!!! We know a LOT better then u!!! Stop telling us to do this and that. WE DONE IT MANY TIMES and it still the same!!! We PAY it the bills macam menderma saja tapi servis sentiasa TIDAK MEMUASKAN!!! Cant you so called streamyx workers do something better rather then ask us do something stupid the same thing all over and over and over again? Come on lar!!! Jangan tau makan gaji saja. Tapi sekurang2nya bagi la service yg bagus. Keep on saying maintainance. WHEN WILL IT FINISH MAINTAINANCE??? WHEN??? Its been MONTHS!!! YOU KNOW THIS WORD >>>M.O.N.T.H.S<<< huh? Understand or not??? If not go buy dictionary books and LEARN!!! MAINTAINANCE LAMBAT TAPI BILA SIAP KEPUTUSAN SAMA SJA!!! TIADA PERUBAHAN...NOTHING CHANGE BUT GETTING WORST. Tikus membaiki labu ka kamu??? Kami sebagai pengguna streamyx sudah cukup bersabar tapi apa yg kami dpt sentiasa tidak memuaskan...WE PAY FOR WHAT? FOR BAD SERVICES? LoLZ!!!
I wont be suprised if tourism says our internet is the worst of all...I cant disagree anymore. They says sucks...I say much much worst than sucks. Now wonder...our internet broadband is listed in the worst internet broadband in the world. TOP 3!!! Lucky not top 1...if not will get The Worst Internet Broadband In The World Awards...P.S. HA HA HA!!! LOLZ...
Well I got nothing to write actually just updating my blog...Its seem dead oledi. Recently nothing bad or good happen...Nothing weird but all I do is play game. A game called Killing Floor which is killing the zombie till kiss the floor. Wahahahahaha...
Its been...hmmm how long oso I duno. XD Just feel long time dint update my blog oledi. wahahahahaha...Now oso bit bored coz nothing to talk about. Just random...wakakakaka coz I stay home for almost 3 weeks becoz of sick....=.=" kena flu...panas sejuk panas sejuk. How not kena flu leh? LuLz~~~
I think thats all I wanna write lar...coz I rili rili rili have nothing to share now. Wahahahahhaa
Huraaahhhh....XD its been a while...I havent updated my blog.
Well...actually....I was...busy....watching...History Strongest Disciple Kenichi anime!!! Its soooooo damn funny....wahahahahahahaha but this anime really teachs me a lot...about martial arts are used to protect yourself when in danger and not for hurting everybody else. I used to use it against bad people before...when Im able to control Qi...I become hunger for more until I almost kill someone. Well actually that someone is so call "pembodek"...also he doesnt deserved to get hurt so bad. When I think back about it...=.=" well...I laugh. Now my physical body not that good anymore. My health also keep getting bad...I need to do my special training again so I can go back to my old HEALTHY self again.
Now...im sick~~~~~ for one whole week~~~~~ Damn...so so suffering. Most hated of all when I go labuan and sleep alone in the living room in my sis's house. =_= I get disturb by some...phenomenom...well...actually I should call it "Friend". LoLz...Its not funny =.=" Mentang2 Im sick...easy to disturb lar??? Damn it~~~~ I was continuely having heavy fever and cold for 3 days...Its so suffering...Well it is nice experiences too when I sleep alone in the living room. Totally annoy by the so call "Friend"...wanna know what happen? XD hehehehehe...okay I tell my experience...
Here goes...
After my nephew go to his parents room to sleep. That was...10pm. I was watching tv and fell sleepy after eating my medicine. My medicine is surely strong effect that can make me sleep whole day without waking up. BUT!!! At exact 12am...That's where the actions begin~~~~ 1st I turn off TV and light...everything dark...totally dark except outside lar. There this sounds~~~ squeek squeek...krriiikk krrriikkk...at 1st I tot it was a rat or something but its weird why the sounds getting near to where i sleep. Well...I dun care about that. Im trying to sleep...the sounds getting closer and closer...and finally it stop. Then I hear one sound that really making my whole body numb. =_= well i duno how to describe that sound it words but it really creep me out. I dint wake up because I was trying to act totally sleeping like in dream already but the sounds TOTALLY annoy me until my legs shake a bit. Im trying to act nothing happen but...It blow wind into my ears...if it was real people. OKAY LAGI...but this...after being blow wind into your ears then wake up and see no one beside u...what do u feel? Im almost wanna scream but Im having sore throat. Im trying to fight it. But...The more I fight it...the worst it become. =.=" Then at 1am I turn on the light and TV...trying to watch and fall asleep. I did fall completely asleep but I suddenly awake like something fall on me. Im not able to breath for a while like 5 second then ok back. Oooohhh I hate it so much...Then I keep awake until 2am...I go to toilet before I sleep. I close every door...XD it gets worst...I hear a lot of sounds like falling things...pringggg pranggg...kling klang...this and that...aaarrgghhh so hard to sleep. That was the 2nd time I turn off the light. It happen for 10 second then I feel relief and go to sleep. Then there it goes again...the sounds squeek squeek (like wearing house slipper and walk sliding2...) kriiikkk kriikkkk (imagine ur put ur nails on the wall n scratch it)...that 2 sounds annoy me alot...I try ignore it again. It wouldnt effect me twice...but...IM SICK!!! I nid some sleep~~~~ It did effect me 2nd times...aaarrrgghhh it keep blowing my ears...when I cover my whole body. Noisy sounds like...throwing things...falling things happen. Then I turn on the light and TV again...watch it until 3.30am...I turn off the TV and sleep on the light on...many noisy sounds keep disturbing me until Im out of control...I was very angry and say..."mentang2 sya sakit...senang betul ko kacau sya tido la". Then everything peace...no sounds at all. Finally...Im able to sleep peacefully~~~ I tell my family about this. They all tot I cant even hear it...well...a lot things happen so...I can but still cant see clearly. Just blurry...hahaha...XD well it is nice experiences...I do hope everyone who read post would share their "bad experiences"...XD lai lai dun be shy...lets share...SHARE LAR!!!!!
HEHEHEHEHE...well...im still sick...=.=" still sore throat. urghh...I hate it. Cant eat something I wanted to eat. >.< oh well...wahahahhhahaha...thanks for reading. XD
Gothic Kodona? What is it anyway? Well...I found out the real meaning of the words...Its mean an adult that have a child heart. I cant recall what movie that related to this words. But I remember who is the star...XD the star is Johnny Depp...correct me if im wrong spelling his name. He's one of my favorite actor. Hahaha...quite special and unique. He always take different character in any movie.
What I have read in internet....Gothic is not a fashion. It just like an...oldies clothes but it has been modify into modern style. I love oldies stuffs...it brings a lot of memories...I like old style and modify it into modern style. Hehehe...BRING BACK THOSE MEMORIES!!! HURAHHH!!!
There many kind of gothic...gothic lolita, gothic kodona, gothic dandy n etc...Here some of the pic to make you understand. Each of them have different meanings but I cant recall it. Hahahaha...
Here is the link about what Im trying to make you understand...XD But mostly...about girls...>.< hohoho...i really wanna make the last pic...due to my "age" getting old...really not suitable to cosplay young character...so better make clothes that can even use to go anywhere...right? XD hehehehe
HURAAHHH!!! Its been a long time I havent update my blog. hahaha...hmmm what should I write huh? =_= I totally no idea eh~~~ but recently weather are SO DAMN HOT!!! And keep blackout and internet down...hiyooo~~~ cry eh~~~ why like this one...? x.x
This coming Friday...1st of May which is called the LABOR DAY...hohoho my family and I go to Pine Resort in Ranau...if not mistaken...Ranau or Kundasang. Lolz...no idea...long time dint go so so far places. Stuck at home ony...well anyway...I hope got something good there...hohoho...take pictures are the most important role!!! HURAHHH!!! Even I dint learn about photography and those art stuffs...with HARDWORK...everything pays off. HURAHHH!!! Also, I have many many many friends that really good in that courses and they dont mind teaching those NOOBIES like me. XD wehehehehehe...but problem is I keep blur blur whatever they taught me. =_=" Bah...from cooking become photographer. Not blur ka? Slowly loh~~~ Im not those fast learner~~~ Im not as quick as other people are...Im not those talented people. Many people out there got talented and gifts that given from God. Well...I do admit Im jealous of them...I oledi try so hard to improve my drawing but all I can draw is my imagination. Hahaha...bad drawing again. So long edi I training but still a little bit improve. O.o at least got a bit bit lar...hahaha I search in internet and learn the basics about drawing. One word..."WOW" totally blur...I seen the real professional drawer before...No mistakes at all. They just draw all the way without using rubber. =_= now thats what I call an art-tist....XD hehehehe
Yaloh...jealous oso la but this feeling keep make me not giving up about it. How lousy I draw Im still proud that Im able to draw better and better everyday. Hohoho even its only my imagination. I stole a lot ideas from manga that I see. The hairstyle, clothes, n etc...Its like I wanted to become animation. Not wrong rite? ~_~ hehehe...phographing? HURAHHH HANTAM sja lah...luan luan take from every angle...sure got one or two angel is good. XD hehehehe
Okay...thats all...I still sleepy now~~~ The weather is totally absorb my energy...Back-up Power oso belum charge...wahahahahhaha Thanks for reading my post..
HURAAAHHH!!! After hours of thinking...Im still being me. Being negative minded. I should have calm myself and think positively. If not apa pun boleh jadi...MUST STAY POSITIVE and make WISE decisions...
What ever happens...Stay WISE and FOCUS. HURAHHH!!!
All this time...all this days...why I cant sleep well? why I keep awake? Its because of the nightmare I had...I wish and pray that it is not dejavu. I really dun wan it to happen...I wish it is only normal nightmare not a message/dejavu. If it does happen...what am I gonna do? What should we do? Why is it happening? So many questions but yet none have been answered yet. The only thing I can do is PRAY. So headache and frustrated if it does happen. Really duno what will happen in the future.
Sigh~~~ I also cant control myself sometimes...I feel so guilty when I think back about it especially when I hurt my mom feelings. I keep praying everyday to be able to control myself but it just make me more stress...make me more worst. What should I do? Stop everything what Im doing now? NO!!! I cant do that...I cant stop socialize!!! If I just stay home and dint go out with my friends? How am I able to maintain my chinese language? I learn a lot from them and they teach me a lot too...even sometimes they play play about it but still they really really really teach me the way of chinese people living. When im stress...I need them to clear my mind especially my friend, San. He really a brilliant thinker...so free minded...so relax person. He's a GREAT joker amongst us all...He always bring laughter in our group. When I think clearly...our group is the best. No clubbing...No Beer...No bad things. Just hang out, yam cha, movies, games, and everything healthy. If other people always wanted to bring me go clubbing and pub. NO WAY!!! Im not going to those smoky place anymore. I really cant breath properly there. YES of coz it is great experiences but its not worth to release tension there.
Yalar...clubbing and pub...many leng luis, many sexy girls, many pretty girls...but whats the use? Rosak rosak punya girls...Im not saying all but most of them. Its totally useless to have pretty and sexy on appearance if the brains are as tiny as bean. Only IDIOTs and STUPID minded guys would choose those kind of girls...Only those who think girls as playmate would choose on appearance not brain. Wanna test me? Come and try...I'll give u the REAL answer from my heart. Dont be suprised about it. Pretending? Lolz...you're totally suicide. You'll never know how good I am in game. You make the trap...I'll make you trap yourself. What? Wanna find both appearance and brain? Well...if you really can find one of them I'll say you are lucky because it is only 5%-10% of them in the world.
Now 1 thing for sure...If my family really falling apart. Those who make it happen...I will HUNT you down until the end of the world. I'll make sure you are SUFFERING more then us...I'll make sure your whole family line SUFFERING a lot. Lets see whose power are STRONGER!!! DO NOT MAKE ME SERIOUS!!! Im praying for God help...please please please dont let it happen. Just help my family...bring they suffer to me. Let me handle it alone. I hurt them a lot so let me carry their burdens on my shoulder. Dont mind over the limit...just dont make my family falling apart. If it does happen...The Hunter will rise again. NO!!! I WILL RISE AGAIN...I will take the Black Key and free the "darkside" of me. Bagus2 we live happily and all of sudden...family falling apart. DAMN!!! GO TO HELL to those make it happen...
p/s : T.T please please please nothing happen in my family. I dont want my mom hurt so much. I PRAY for God...please dont let our family falling apart. Protect my parents...my family...I dont mind if it need to exchange my life as long as they can live happily. As long as we all live happily without breaking apart. Haizzz...SUSAH LA KALO GINI...
I've been thinking too much recently...sampai rambut gugur byk...damn it...silakak betul. Cannot la like this...must stay positive...THINK WISE!!! Im still young so must always be wise...I promise myself that there will be no negative around me again. Must always stay positive and think wise...
I should have think more positively...I should have given her chance more. My instinct and my friends advices all are right. It doesnt mean I feel I miss "something" I should look for it immediately. I really dint think about the future. I just think about what I wanted and what I needed. Macam...pentingkan diri sendiri. Being selfish totally not me. Its the "evil" me. =.=" I should have fight the "other" me...After whole day of thinking...I finally able control everything and make wise decision. Because future always changes...got friends help me...got abang angkat and kakak angkat help me. I should listen to them but dun follow totally lar...XD hehehehe
Anyway Thanks to all my friends...especially those who give me advicesss...hohoho Thank you...I will love her until the end...XD The End bukan mati ar...diao...too early...XD hehehehe
Okay that's all...dun wan type much...XD hehehehehehehe
All this time...I've been thinking...Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Its just...well...CONFUSING!!! >.< sigh~~~ Its not only about my life...Its also about my GF...I really dont know how to say this...Its something like...=.=" not that I no longer have feeling on her...its ME...Im the problem...I never feel like this before...Its like I wanted more...Im not saying that Im flower heart or not. Its just I wanted someone that...really really really can make my life better. Make me feel happier everyday. Even though Im quite happy with my GF right now but...I still feel something is missing in my life. Something that I always wanted...I been trying to fight this feeling...this attitude...but...Its just so hard. Im SO DAMN HEADACHE about this. I feel like I wanna scream so so so much but...I end up writing in this blog. All I can do is playing games...to lose focus about something I wanted. But every time I go out...I lost control of myself. That "something" keep coming back. I have this attitude that I must get what I wanted even it takes very long time. Haizz..
I guess I have to stick with my GF for a while...but...AARRGGHH!!! I hope my GF can give me something...something that can fill up my "missing" thing. If not...I will end up finding someone else that really can fulfill the COMPLETE ME...Even though I have GF...but...All the pieces in my heart still not come back. The crack havent heal. The pain havent been endure. I try my best oledi. This is my BIGGEST weakness...how strong I am to fight bad people...once my "heart" being strike...I immediately fall. Yea...Im strong in physical and mental sometimes but my heart always weak. God Is FAIR...we all got our own advantages and disadvantages. But having a weak heart is totally unacceptable. >.< HAIZ!!!
I think thats all lar...
p/s : I cant change myself loving chinese people...especially chinese girls. Its how I grow up since small...haizz...being around with chinese friends make me to flirt chinese girls...I always wanted to have chinese GF but...I always rejected. Now I have GF but not chinese...I think I been desperate and make the decision so fast. Haizz...I cant do anything about it right now. All I can do is PRAY...
Aaaahh~~ Its been so long I dint update my blog. Hehehe...=p
Hmmm...well...many many many things did happen on me. Some are good and some are bad too. Balance...^^ hehehe anyway Im not going to share about bad things happen on me because I promise myself I wont think about negative stuffs again. If not I will be control by those thoughts...well anyway...Im going to share good things. XD hehehehe
Well...Im not pretty sure myself yet because its been hard for me. hahaha...Its really hard to explain. Since I was small I was sent to chinese school by my parents. I learn every chinese people do but its really hard to get some of their respect sometimes. Even own race also hard to get it. I usually like to chase chinese girls...I like to see the way their wearing their clothes, their hairstyle, and their way of living and thinking. Its totally different from other races. When it comes to business and money...they totally serious about it and know how to manage everything slowly. Not like other races...most of them like instant without any hardworking. Everytimes asking something for free. So sad...own races to think like that? Its totally stupid...I been friends with chinese people and none of them think like other people. None of them think that...there is something is free. I really like the way their thinking. I believe there is no such thing about "FREE" in this world except God creation...light, water, and most valuable...EARTH. Our very own planet...but sadly most people out there crazy about power and expanding their territory. Sad sad...such simple minded.
But...^^ not all other races have stupid way of thinking. hahaha...so no offend. We all humans...it just...very seldom I meet other races than chinese people have different way of thinking. I usually ignore people who have bad way of thinking. Its totally not for me. Im not going to waste my life living with stupid people. Chances??? Oh yea...sure...IF THEY CHANGE!!! Lolz...come on...I give so many chances but they always blow it. I even try to help but they dint listen. The attitude of always being right is totally extreme STUPID!!! =.=" what am I gonna do about it? Let my mind get infected by them? Lolz...no way ho zay...its a fool to friend a fool. Let them fool themselves rather then you become one of them.
So what Im trying to say is that Im...quite...interested...with...chinese people...especially girls....XD hehehehe...BUT!!!...at the end I get Dusun girlfriend...hahahahahaha...XD well...its really hard to find someone who really love and care about you. =_= its hard...ok? You girls wont understand it. We boys totally suffering to find those who really suits us. Im not even sure my girlfriend now is totally suits me or not. Im not sure how long we be able to be together. One thing that I scared I dun love her in the future...What will her feeling be if I left her? >.< until now Im still trying NOT to like other girls...especially chinese girls. Because since small I oledi one of them even though my blood is DUSUN but I BELIEVE myself that I am ONE of THEM. IM CHINESE IN MY HEART!!! That is my believe...YES IM CHINESE. If people ask me...I will say Im MIX DUSUN. XD hehehehe...Dusun By Blood, Chinese By Heart. What? Call me crazy ar? Then what about those who married? Chinese married malay? Chinese married dusun/kadazan? Chinese married...erm any lar...Arent they also stupid if you call me stupid? Lolz...
If some people says they are mix even though they are pure in non-chinese...i always respect them. Why? The way their thinking is POSITIVE. That's why...I know why Im not able to flirt chinese girls...it is because their way of thinking is totally upgrade. Im still me...slowly upgrading. I admit Im a slow learner but someday I can think more better than chinese people. IF Im not lazy of coz...Hahahahaha...Laziness always break my strong will. Lolz...XD But Im happy to have Dusun girlfriend now...well...=.= her thinking much more different than other girls I try to flirt. Most important that she's totally HONEST and UNDERSTANDING. But...the only thing Im worried is I would fall in love to chinese girls...My heart still got a bit pain about my past relationship. Its like a challenge to me...I promise myself I will marry to chinese girl someday but who knows...future always change in any situation. I love my GF now...but...Im still interested in chinese girls...because...I feel something missing in my heart. I really dont know what it is...I dun want to hurt my GF. I did say to her I love her always...but...AAARRRGGGHHH IM SO FRUSTRATED!!! Its not that we not suits to each other...its just about ME. I LIKE CHINESE PEOPLE!!! I wanted my GF to change me. To LOVE her more everyday...I try my best to maintain our relationship but there always something missing in my heart and I dun know what it is. I wish my GF know what to do about it. >.< Im totally confused and HEART PAIN!!! I really dun know what to do...
AARRRGGHHH...Got girlfriend or No girlfriend also headache. DAMN!!! hmmmmm...Nevermind...I BELIEVE my girlfriend can take care of it. I BELIEVE she can change me. I REALLY hope so...>.< if not Im gonna end up hurting her in the future. HIYOOO...I dun want this to happen in the future. I did found some chinese girls that I interested but...I cant do that. Im not gonna cheat my girlfriend at her back. BUT....AAARRRGGHHH...want crazy liao arrr...sap pai...=.="
UUUuuuuwaaahhh...today totally bored desu~~ >.< want do something but lazy. LoLz hahaha...totally useless eh me. =.=" Today also HOT...aarrgghhh...HOT nia!!! Want go out also feel like...=.=" "look up in the sky...wah so damn bright and HOT oowhh~~" then go back inside and watch tv and surfing. Haiyooo...Nan desu ka??? >.<
Damn the weather totally make me so so so damn lazy nowaday...well at least Im manage to stand up and cook for dinner. Hahahaha...=.= at least I got something to do automatically. Then now so bored I decide to write new post on my blog. Its totally nothing actually. Just killing my time...hahahaha BORED BAH!!! Haiyooo...
Want become crazy liao bored like hell...=.= want go out also no one pei pei me...T.T so lonely desu~~~ oh well...just be patient. WAhahahahahhahaha...Haiz movie also crap crap one. =.=" nothing can attract me...isk~~ why like that ar~~ all nice nice movie next month baru got~~~ BORED DESU~~~ T.T uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh
Actually I was planning to watch Gokusen Season 1, 2 and 3...But my...inter...net...totally...[S.U.C.K] =_=...totally S.L.O.W~~~ uhuhuhuhuhu want sms people also...=.=" duno who can chat chat with me...AARRRGGHHH!!! NAN DESU KA? X.X
That's all lar~~ TO TAL LI BOR~~~ED~~~ Desu~~~
P/S: Sorry for my bad japanese language...XD still NOOB bah me...teach me lar. XD I want learn but...=.= not enough money. Hahaha
I read this manga yesterday and today...and I learn a lot about this comic. About love, the value of life, appreciation, sadness, happiness, n etc. Many I learn from reading it. What's suprised me is my own tears dropping down on my cheek. Hahaha...I cant believe this manga could effect me. But Im not sure what other people think about this manga. The story quite interesting you know. It teaches us a lot...^^ Well whatever you think is...I hope its not in negative way. Hahaha
Well...lets see. This story is about a girl who got raped by her step father when she was in middle junior school or middle school. She got pregnant for one time and get an abortion. Then after her recovery from abortion...her step father keep doing on the same thing on her and she got pregnant again. This time she give birth a baby boy and got adoption by other parents. She's been suffering about her past and it makes her fear to all men. (Uuuuiii...not all men same lohh...=.=") Okay continue...XD hehehe...Every men that touches and try to get near her, she will scream and get scared until not able to move. But only one guy she dint scared because the guy admit that he totally not interested to the this girl until he find out her secret in abandon church which he accidently become Father in that church. The girl come to the church to make confession. She feels guilty about the child she gave birth because she not able to take care of the child. Well...she think she's not a good mother to the child. I stop the story here...If you wanna know more about it. Try go onemanga.com and find the manga...it is called "Bitter Virgin"
What's interest me about this story is that...we must appreciate everything that come ahead of us soon. We must face everything without fear. Dont make our pasts eat us up. Dont make our pasts control us. If not we stuck in the past time and wont be able to move on. Also...I would really wanna know how to solve this kind of things if I face it someday. It must be tough to face it in real life...I ask myself sometimes. What will I do if I face this kind of girl? How do I solve it? I have a feeling that some people might say "dont waste your time and energy in this kind of things"..."dun let it bother u so much"...some even might scold "you stupid or what?" so many conclusion comes up without even think how to solve it. I do believe most people might avoid this kind of things. Running away from complicated things but for me...its a way of life. Its a lesson where we must face it...We all duno what will happen in our future but we can manage it. It gives me headache sometimes if I really face this but...come to think of it in positive way. Its a question of HOW & WHAT. How will you face it? Either positive or negative? What will you do? Damn...im so excited about this. XD hehehehe...its a challenge. Although I really do hate being challenge but if it can teaches me a lot about value of life. Why not right? Its what I want and need. Knowing so much is not a crime either. Hehehe...
If anyone read this manga before...please share your opinions and your point of view. In negative and positive way...I dun mind. Just share...Hehehe if I think in negative way...Hmmm...=.=" I also have no idea because...all I think is HOW and WHAT. hehehehe...XD But one thing is I really wanna face and know much more about this kind of girls...I wanna know how their really feel...How they face it? It must be super extreme tough to face it I think. Well...we men doesnt know much about girls. We never understand what you all thinking anyway. Hahaha...we just able to understand our own. I really 100% dun believe if I heard a guy say he know everything about girls. Thats because I never meet a couple that 100% dun have stress within them. Macam mana pun...tetap sakit kepala. Hahahaha....XD
Recently I read newspaper so many rape cases...I always wondering how do they face it? Will they still able to continue their normal life? Will they be still accepted as who they are before the incident? So many questions unanswered...well I do understand because its not good to stay close other people business right? Most will say "None Of Your Business"..."Stay Away"..."Who do you think you are?" and etc. I have to accept that in positive way...must stay wise and understand their feelings. Always ask yourself why did they act like that? It must be hard for them...
Totally interesting story...^^" hehehe sorry I just like to know more about the value of life. I just wanted to understand everything I could. No offense...^^ Thanks for reading this post. I hope you all read the comic...
This song totally inspire me...even this is suppose to be sad song but...if you could make it in positive thought...You wont have any problems with it.
That's remind me...why is it when some people in pain they dun wan to get disturb and they ignore their most closest friends? I've been wondering why and how to solve it. To me its actually easy...when Im feeling down...my friends not giving up to cheer me up. I really happy because of that but when I did that to my friend. I got ignored...well maybe is my fault at the 1st place but...at least reply me and say you wan to be alone or dun disturb me or anything. No answer at all...how am I gonna know what you been thinking? I know how pain is breaking up with the one you really love but why dun wan to share it?...I always been waiting for you but you never realize my existence. You thought I duno anything...dun understand anything. Ok I admit that but...Im a friend that can be trusted. I really hate being ignore while Im trying to help you. Even my ex-GF not that bad...she still remember who I am. Now she has better life and better BF...which makes me happy because of her.
But...why ignore me? why cant I be the friend to cheer u up? I done everything n try my best to help but u wont let me. I messages you but u din reply...I call you but u decide not to talk to me. Which makes me to think are we still friend or not? I broke up with my ex-GF and we still friend. We never become enemy. But...why im the one who try so hard to help you and get this kind of friendship? Friend help each other...get through each other. Independent got its own limit you know. Not everyone is a loner. I was a loner before but when I found the true meaning of friendship. I cry and happy about it. We do have same in common...when Im down I want to be alone but I think positively. Its really hard to help you if you think negatives all the time. Not everyone is the same you know. We learn from our mistakes and we must keep move forward.
I really hate being ignore...it hurts me a lot especially when I want to help someone that I really care. Everytime I try to help someone...I end up hurt and being betray. How painful is that? I waste my energy and willing to help the one I care the most but in the end I get ignore and realize that Im being used. Sigh...I really wish you be alright sooner because...I decide not to disturb you anymore. I decide not to find you anymore. Forget about my invitation. I think you not even need me anymore. I try everything I could do whether you accept or not...that's up to you. This post will be the last about you. I no longer able to help you because you dint accept my help. I feel like Im wasting my energy and time right now. I really really really sad and totally disappointed right now. That's how I feel now...I cant believe the one I really care the most and trusted the most ignoring me.
This post is my last post about "You". I wont post anything about you anymore in the next posts. Either you find me or not...Im not sure I'll be able to be there for you anymore. Im a man that respect woman decisions...what you want...that you will get. Its no use to convince you anymore. Without TRUST...I cant do anything anymore. You need spaces? I give you spaces...I also need my spaces to recover myself again.
Thanks for everything... I'll appreciate everything you did...
Remember...True friends always be there for you but once you broken the chain...it would be hard to get it back.
Bye...*turn around and never look back again*
I really SERIOUS now...this is the part of me you will never expect...no one know about my dark side personality. Ignoring me or betraying me really pissed me off.
Last post about the girl I LOVE...its a disappointment matter. No use to remember it...
P/S : I'll wait you at the top where the stars are shining brightly in the sky. I'll be waiting...lets see if you could reach it again. Lets see whether you able to pass this small test or not. I have possibility that your chance only 10% unless you stop think so much, doing stupid actions such as suicidal, and start think positively. My tears cant stop dropping from my eyes when I heard you try to killself but my tears will never ever stop when you dint think me as your friend but instead ignoring me when I try to help you. Well...you get what you want. I'll give you spaces...I dont give a damn about excuses such as "even my old friends also leave me alone"...come on...Do I really this stupid??? Im not stupid ok!!! Saya suka jaga tepi kain orang lain??? AS A TRUE FRIEND FOR YOU...I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU BUT YOU BRAKE THE CHAIN YOURSELF. Thats what TRUE FRIEND really means right??? The one who will be there for you no matter what. Sigh...Im so disappointed. I dun care I hurt you more or not right now because all I want now is that you to WAKE UP!!!
I been suffering for all these days, weeks and months. Now its time to fight back and face my fear. I'll try until the end of my life. Settle things caution, Think calmly, Make Wise Decisions n etc. No more!!! muhuhuhuhuhahahhhahahahhaha...uhuk uhuk...oh sorry havent recover yet...hahaha
Just a simple topic~~~ I just have to fight every negatives that block my paths. Yes...paths...I walk many paths at once. Thats why I been so suffering and confused everytime. Im not able to make wise decision too. Time to move on...I dun care about my dream or what...REALITY is the most important things now. Living in fantasy world...it just makes me more suffering. So better move on now...no use to look back. Just keep forward all the paths I walk now until the end of my life. Why not right? How can we become independent if he just stick with 1 path? lolz...If those millionaire can walk so many paths...why not we? They all human too. Just time can settle it and with so many effort...SURE WE CAN. Kita BULIH BAH....XD hehehehehe
Okay...what else ar? Hmmm....=.=" I guess thats all lar. Got a lot things to do...
Urgh~~ I Hate Sick...I cant believe I fall punya fall terus jatuh sakit. =.=" keep on coughing non stop whole day. I write this post also I keep on coughing. Haizz...again Im very hard to get nice sleep. =.=" since monday...Its been 3 days if count today...I totally dint have a good night sleep. Dream also blank blank now...I feel tired. I feel uneasy. I feel...well...kinda miss someone. But what can I do? >.< I hardly able to walk now. Haizz...I miss someone so so so much. AARRGGHH!!! But I was told not to find her. Come on tell me when I can find her!!! Show yourself now!!! Give me the answer!!! Im totally confused~~ All I see is spinning world...>.< I really dont know what to do~~ I want go out but...=.= car less oil and mom not around~ Ouch~ But where should I go? =.= I already get bored to keep on going to the same places everytime I need my spaces. Haizz...I wonder why it happens on me? Is it my test? This is the one that I should always face? If yes...I FAIL AGAIN!!! I run away from it. >.< It happens again when I fall in love and not able to express my feeling. It happens exact the same when I was in college. Haizz...but this time more complicated because she got BF oledi. Damn...this is not triangle love. This is something like...=.= well I really dont know what to call it.
Now Im totally SUFFERING!!! Damn!!! I hate sick too~~~ baru 3 hari ndak cukup tidur oledi sick~~~ hampir2 putus nafas because cough so much...Damn it. Like I want to die now...=.=" HELL NO!!! Im not accept dead because of sickness...not worth at all. If I die protect someone I truely LOVE. That's even more worth than die because of money. I rather accept that than because of sick. Well...all I can do now is staying away from what I was told to and stay calm. But still...=.= I really do MISS her!!~ Haiz~~~ Im totally become crazy because of this. Damn It...because of this I become totally emo. =.=" well emo got nice hairstyle. At least give that to me lar...lolz. Iskk...AAARRRGGHHH I wanna scream so much but I cant let it out~~~ Everything in my mind and my heart. DAMN!!! How to let it go??? Why is it falling in love is so much painful than break up??? I thought break up are much more painful...Haiz...nvm lar. I'll just take His advices as told. I just have to be patient and wait for the answer.
Well...its about the girl I LOVE actually. Not like I dream about her lar...its something like maybe her relative I think...He tells me to stay away from her. Im totally confused what to do...should I really do that? Well...I never take other people advices when Im in LOVE...so I guess I should do it...Im not sure what the dream real meaning but...I got no other choices. I just have to stay away from her. Not sure how long...I just wait he give me some guide again. Sad oso lar but what to do~ He tells me not to disturb her, stay away from her, and dont get involve in her relationship or problems. I been thinking whole day...I guess I'll take that advices and wait for another guide from him. Maybe he want to help me...guide me for LOVING the wrong girl at the wrong time.
Okay Sir...I'll take your advices. I'll stop here and go to my own world. I'll stop for involving anyone problems. I'll stop helping anyone for my own good. You are right sometimes. I'll help a lot people but I still get nothing. Do it really that worth to do it again n again? Your questions totally confused me a lot. All your questions still stuck in my mind. Im totally dont know what to do but thanks for your guide. I'll take your advices. I usually very very very stubborn when Im in LOVE. I sacrifice a lot but at the end I still get nothing in return but Sir..=.= I never ask something in return. Im just glad to help her but...Its my fault for fall in love to her. I guess what other people said are true. Dont always be so good person because people might use me then at the end...I get nothing.
Haizzz...Ok lar. I go to my own world from now on. I'll stay away from everything you told me to. I'll do what you ask me to do.
Today at 9.30pm until 11.30pm I stay at the beach tanjung aru to calm my feelings...I shouldnt get myself into all this mess. I feel so guilty now...but Im glad to be able to calm myself in such a short period time. Lolz Im so embarresing when all people look at me sitting down alone in the beach. Im totally feel guilty oh!!! IM SO SUFFERING!!! Why this things happen on me ar~~~ Why did I fall in love with her ar??? WHY HER??? GOD!!! Answer me!!! I just pray for your protection, her safety n happiness. Even I wanted them to break up but I feel guilty if it happens. Macam sumpah diorang to break up. I pray for her good...bukan pray so that I fall in love with her~~ Hiyooo...Now I deeply in love with her but she got BF. Even they really break up...How can I express my feelings to her??? How can I convince her that my feelings are real??? AAARGGHH!!!...Im still so young...I still not enough experiences to face all this. I dont dare to ask my friends because I scared they advices dun suits me at all. Sekarang sakit hati gao gao...I cant control myself anymore. I cant control my feelings anymore. I duno why...I also explode oledi. Haiz...OH GOD PLEASE HELP AND GUIDE ME!!! I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP NOW!!! T.T uhuhuhuhuh...I cant stop crying...I feel totally guilty the actions I make. I need someone~~~ T.T Please...anyone??? uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh....
P/s : Beach Tanjung Aru and Taman Teluk Insan Likas...these to place is a good place to calm my mind. Anyone who having hard time contacting me...I always there. I cant tell everything right now...Im totally SUFFERING and IN PAIN...Im totally CONFUSED about everything. All I wanted now is to stay beside the girl I LOVE...I really do...but...I have no guts. Im phobia oledi...T.T This blog the only very close friend I had. He listen everything I write here...AARRGGHHH I truely nid someone arrr~~~ T.T uhuhuhuhuhuhuh GOD HELP ME!!!
P/S : Sorry to all my friends...I wanted to be alone for a while. I cant think very straight and carefully now. If u wan find me...there are 2 places I go. Good Luck everyone...Be Happy oh. ^^
I must stay calm now...I never thought I fall in love for her at bad situations. Well...its her bad situations. I cant believe this is happening on me. I never thought fall in love are more painful then break up. Its so painful when you cant express your feeling. I been thinking if I express it now...What will you do? What will happen then? Can we still be like the way we used to be? Damn...Im been acting crazy because of this. I just...well...its not totally the same feeling I had with my ex-GF. I never love someone more then my ex-GF. You are the only one can replace her in my heart. But I scared you might run off and we never be able to be like the way we used to be right now. We are like very close friend now. If I express my feeling to you...Im scared things get worst. Im scared you cant take it because it is so sudden. You probably suprised how I can be like this? But...cant you feel anything? I'll be there for you always so that I can stay together with you. Trying to make you happy...All those things I done for you because I LOVE you...but its so sudden Im scared you might stay away from me. I understand now why my ex-GF used to say she like me better last time before I flirt her. Im being so annoying right now. Im so sorry...Im truely sorry. I shouldnt push you so hard. Its just I dun wan to see you sad and disappointed. Please be strong...I ask God to take away all your burden and let me carry it all alone.
Dear Raymie...I wish you have better life right now. I pray for your safety and happiness. I hope you would go out with me as a very close friend next time. You seems to be...well...rejected me. I can understand that because of the situation you're in now is not in good shape. I wish I could do something with it but...I mustn't. Even your mum dun wan to get involve in your relationship. To tell you the truth Im very happy when I heard you wanted to break up with your BF last time. But when I think carefully...Im not suppose to be happy at all because...you actually trust your BF that day shows you that you still love him. You last long until this moment...Please Raymie...dont be like this...dont leave me. We just been together for half a year. I dont want to lose a friend like you. You're the only one I got now. You're the only one I truely TRUST...I never trust other girls like I trust you because its how they treated me. You treated me good even you have BF...you never cheat but you're being said you cheat. So cham oo u...so innocent but BF din trust you. Now he yang treat you so bad...cheat on your back. But you still love and trust him. You protect him so much. Im so jealous of him right now...I cant believe a girl like you being treated so bad. I really do wish I could have a GF like you. Now actually I was trying to say I LOVE you by helping you. I sacrifice my time for you. Even my friends try to bring me go out...I rejected them because I wanted to stay with you. If can I wanted to see you everyday but...its totally annoying. I macam orang gila yang selalu want be with the girl he LOVE. Maybe this is why my ex-GF break up with me because I just cant let her go so easily until you came and knock my door. You found the key in my heart but you open my door just as close friend. Im so happy to have a friend like you, Raymie. I really do...I also hope you visit my blog and know all about me. I cant express it in front of you because it is so sudden right? At the same time you have problems with your relationship. People do crazy things when they're in LOVE.
Dear Raymie...please...dont go...I LOVE YOU. I dont want to lose you. All I need from you is your TRUST. Even you not love me...I will at least try my best to make you happy. Honest Happiness not acting one. I miss your smile when we 1st have our yam cha in Easy Way, Lintas. I will never forget about that beautiful day. That day you truely have your honest sweet smile. But now...you been acting so weird. I sad to see your smile like this...not rili honest one. Many girls out there so jealous about you and hurts you so much. But you still have many many friends that still CARE about you. I really want to carry your burdens...I dun mind at all. Just share with me...let it go. Dont put everything inside your heart. Im in deeply pain because you did that. We got same in common actually but I never thought your burdens are much more heavier then mine. Because of you...I'll be able to let go my past relationship. You are the only one that bright my room...and now you're in trouble I shall be your ANGEL and light up your room. You have live in so much pain and suffering world. Let me hold the key to your heart. Let me the one bright up ur day...even we just end up close friend. I dun mind helping you because I LOVE YOU. Dont be suprised k? I also suprised that I fall in LOVE with you. I just too confused n not being "rasional" at all. Actually I do have feeling on you at 1st sight but I just cant believe after half a year being close friend. I fall in LOVE with you...Its just I duno how to convince you to believe my LOVE is real or not. I always thought you could see inside me because you have that ability. I do agree your BF now is a good person but...he dint treat u good all those months you're together with him. Please stop this...you deserves better then he is. If he truely love you...why he still going out with his k-moi? Said he was drunk n this n that. It just an excuses you know. He would never do this if he really really love you but you're blind because you love him too. I just stay behind you watching you caring so much to the wrong guy. I cant do anything about it because you might think I try to snatch you away. Actually I wanted to but will my actions make you happy? No right? so...I just stay silent and support you from the back. I dun mind suffering in pain n hurt while watching you still care to the wrong guy.
Well...whatever it is...Please go out with me...I just wanted to bring you someplace that you might never go before. I wanna walk the path that you are walking now...I wanted to be by your side to make you happy. Dont worry how your BF might think...he treat you so bad...he deserves it. We just go out as a close friend. Lets gai gai lar...^^" Please accept my invitation...
I totally LOVE this song!!! It gives me strength to continue find my true love. Oh YEA!!! XD hehehe I also love this song because of the rhythm & beats. Very meaningful lyrics but I do hope It works in flirting. Because I really cant express my feeling by saying the words "I Love You". I dont have the guts to do it...I really wish I could say it with all my heart to the person I love. But tertelan itu words...and terpaksa use song or music that related with saying "I Love You". And I found it...This song is SUITABLE!!!! I must use it for back up...I have to change and use my own mouth to say the 3 magical words...AARRRGGHH I cant believe Im into this thing again. Damn...I fall in love again and I duno what to do about it. Damn it...I truely need guide. >.< How to express it? How to let it out? I dun mind kena reject anymore...I must face this fear once and for all for my own good. I must try...I have to try no matter what. I mustn't give up...It been half a year I been together with her and I fall in love for her. AAARRRGHHH SOMEONE!!! GOD!!! Help me!!! Guide me!!! PLEASE!!! I help people but sendiri cant solve it.....>.< Haizz...I dont want to choose to be silent anymore. I must express my feeling to her but HOW??? I must think wisely what will be her reaction after I said the 3 magical words. I dont want to hurt her...I dont want to make her feel confused...I dont mind she rejected me...but how do I convince her that I really really really honest with my feeling??? Im scared she thinks that I only play play around...joking around. She is...well...in complicated things right now but...how do I convince her? and what will happen after I express my feeling? Will we be together like we used to be again? Will I be treated good like before? Im scared to get totally ignored after I express my feeling. I also duno how she feel about me...only friend? brother and sister? Not sure...
I want something like...after I express my feeling. Even she rejected me...we will still be like the way we used to be. Like very close friend...more than close friend but not couple type because kena reject ma...Haizz...totally confused. I totally scared...Fuh fuh fuh...tarik nafas...fuh fuh...relax~~ relax~~ must stay calm~~ Nevermind...I'll find a way to express my feeling. I will never give up. I will stay by her side so that I know her very well. She need help and guide. I must heal her soul and heart 1st before express my feeling. Make her happy and always stay in good condition.
P/s : To the girl I LOVE...If you read this post. This song is for you. ^^ Dont think too much 1st. Dont give the answer 1st. Think carefully...I will be your side and listen to EVERY problems you have. I will help you solve it. I will protect you no matter what. No matter what happen I will accept you as who you are. I also need guide from you. We all need guide. I will never give up. Im not crazy...Im serious. You know something.
When You hurt...Im hurt too. When I hear your sad voice...I sad & cry. When You have problems...I cant sleep well becoz I think how to solve it. When You need help...Im panic and think how to help You. When I feel something bad might happen to You...I'll pray so hard. When I heard many people chase You...Im sad & hurt. When the time I feel down...You were there to cheer me up. When the time I give up on something...You were there to light me up.
So...There's no way I just sit down and listen to your problems without doing anything about it. Things must be solve as fast as possible. I will HELP you. Even you reject me when I express my feeling. Even we just end up being friend. I'll still dont want to lose you. You the very BEST & CLOSE female friend I ever had now. You're the only one that really treat me so good. Im not suprise every friends you had all protect and love you so much. But Im a little jealous about it. Hehehe...I hope things will change. I hope time will heal you.
Please...If you need help. I will be there for you. I will help you no matter what. As a friend now...I want you to be happy. You all bones now...you dint sleep well...you dint eat well. We all WORRY about you. We all cry because of you. My heart very painful to see you like this. Please dont be like this. We beg you. Please come back to your old happy self again. I want to see you very honest sweet smile. I'll never see you happy before. You just smile like nothing happen but...you eyes tells me everything but I just silent. Next time I'll said it out loud. I'll let you know that I truely very WORRY about it. I CARE for you.
If You really and truely TRUST me...take my hand. Lets walk to the place where the star shine the land together. Lets walk under the moon light that light our path in the dark. Lets walk under the sun that give us strength and happiness together. Lets carry all the burden on our shoulder together. Please...dont hide anymore. TRUST me...Im HERE for You. I will bright up the light in your deepest and darkest part in your heart. I will free your soul from suffering so much. I dont want to see you hurt like this anymore because it hurts me too. Please...come out and take my hand. Get out from the darkest world you are in now. Lets together walk to the shining light upon us. Please...TRUST me and take my hand.
Haiz...recently there are so many things happening around me. Some of my friends in trouble in relationship. So hard to settle...but I dun mind because I might learn something from it. The more I learn the more better in future where I know how to take care...well...whoever my special girlfriend is. To tell the truth I already give it up about this relationship things. I just go with my single life even it hurts me sometimes with jealousy. Even I found any girl I interested but it still cant make me happy like last time. Some say Im a great guy, this n that. Well...its not true actually. Im not that great...Im not those guys out there who know very well in relationship. Even I hope I find "replacement" for my heart. Im worried Im not be able to take care of her in the future. Come one...useless and lazy guy like me to have a girlfriend? That's why...its so hard for me now.
But Im happy to help all my friends and my new friends. Im glad their relationship dint end up rotten. It hurts me most of the time everytime I get into these situations but I dun care. If I say I'll help...I will help. Please dont try to stop me...It will even HURT me most. But not all the problem I can solve...because some end up break up relationship. Im quite disappointed and sad because of my failure but hey...Im human...Im not perfect. I do whatever I can do...I'll help whenever I can until the end. I will not stop helping...so please dun try to stop me because you worry about me. I do the best I can...the result is in your hands. Not me...Im just a 3rd party and help discuss peacefully. I'll ask straight questions...if you dun like it you have to accept it because its better to face it now rather then in the future.
Now Im so suffering because I was too jealous about those relationship. I never had those before. I really wanna feel it again. It is nice to have a partner to talk everything in your mind rather then keep it in your heart. But im usually will said "nothing...dun worry about me". Its because I dun wan you guys to suffer like me just to help me. I done so many bad things already. Let me suffer and take the punishment. Let me learn and guide myself so that I can be independent next time. But I still need help...to calm me mind...to calm my heart...to calm my suffering. I want someone who REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY understand me without telling my problems. Im a quiet guy so...=.=" ndak heran most of the girls I dated feel bored about me. Well...at least Im a good listener now. ^^ hehehe...
I even pray for all my friends to have better life...if girls I usually pray for their safety from anything bad happen. Well...I dun wan something in return. Im just glad to help. Its better to do some good deeds right...^^ sometimes it makes you happy even a while. Hehehehe...Hmmm...what else...Oh...I guess its nothing special now...I just wanted to write about this because well...this blog is my diary and also my life line. What's been going on about my life? something like that. But sorry there's no moral in it. It just my feeling and my experiences...It makes me a bit better after I write this post. Hehehe...thanks for reading my blog. Sayonara...
dian hua li de wo shi bu shi hen zhuo an wei ni de hua bu zhi gai zen me shuo ta zai ni de xin hua le yi dao shang kou bo kai wu yun duo fei lai wo de tian kong
ruan ruo de shuang shou huan wo lai jin wo ting ni de yao qiu he hu ni de gan shou an fu ni de xin feng he ni de shang kou you wo lai qing ting song ni wo de er duo
* You are my angel fei dao wo zuo you zai ni de yu zhou mei ke xing dou shi wo You are my angel pei ban wo zuo you jiu suan hai zhe huo lu di dou chen mo ai ni dao zui hou /
(Repeat *)
duo xi wang dao zhuan hui dao shi kong zu zhi ni men xiang yu de shi hou dai zhe ni tao tuo ji shi wo Look like a fool ye xu zhe me zuo ni jiu bu hui nan guo
(Repeat *)
This song reminds me a lot about my past relationship...It also remind me when I got rejected a lot. >.< ouch~~
Well lets see....Hmmmm What I understand about this song is there is a girl who in trouble, sad and cry. And, guess what...there's this handsome guy helping her out. Trying hard to cheer her up, make her happy and accompany her. He try very very hard to cheer her up and make her happy. Everytime accompany her...hehehe he even teach her how to play piano. (Woorr...I WANT LEARN PIANO!!! Okay back to topic...) The present he gave her really...O.o really GOOD...an Angel. He even write a song for her...maybe to make her happy more but Im not sure. What I really salute is 1 message he IMMEDIATELY find her. XD HERO! but too bad...=.=" most girls find its annoying. Haizz...duno why they dint appreciate it.
No wonder the song title is You Are My Angel...hehe but...sadly and disappointed that the girl just treat him as best friend. Saw the last part about the bracelet? Forever Friend. Aaawww damn it...1st time I saw this video I thought in the end she love him too but...well...=.=" I can understand the feeling of sadness and disappointment when you love someone but at the end up being friend forever. DAMN HURT!!!
I was in this situation A LOT...I help them out...TRYING SO HARD but not all of them appreciate it. Even a simple thank you also dont have. When I needed help...I end up stands alone. But I dun mind about that. What I really mind is that when I help someone and they forget about me. I mean like pretending not knowing me at all after all I done for them. Im a type that willing to sacrifice everything for the girl I REALLY REALLY REALLY INTERESTED with...I dun mind end up hurt as long as the girl happy. I fail once...Im not gonna fail make a girl happy ever again. I will try to help her as long as she willing to tell me her problems. Im all ears...I will listen carefully. But...even I change being Good Listener. I still dint get what I always wanted. I still cant find "replacement" that can heal my heart. Well I do find but all got boyfriend oledi. So PAIN!!! So JEALOUS!!! You know how hard to find the girl I've been searching for??? Haizz...to those guys out there who got a very very very GOOD girls and they understand you very well and accept who you are...YOU ALL SO LUCKY!!! DONT HURT THEM!!! I'll.....kill you...O.O (Use Achmed The Dead Terrorist style)...XD wehehehehe...
I dedicated this song to...those I ever help. =.=" I dun really understand the real meaning of the song but I do know this song is nice to listen and very calm. XD wehehehehehe...
Please...do send me the lyric of this song. THANKS...^^
P/s: I also dedicated this song for my ex-GF. Thanks for being with me and teach me a lot. You deserve BETTER. ^^ And Thanks for NOT forget about me. I REALLY REALLY REALLY HAPPY to see your SWEET & CUTE SMILE again last time in Internet Arena, City Mall. Well it hurts me when I saw your BF with you but...what's more important is that Im so happy to see you again. You really change a lot...You are LADY now. ^^ Keep up the good work...Good Luck with your study. ^^ Dont ever give up...O.O I'll kill you if you give up...(Use Achmed The Dead Terrorist style again) By the way nice blog and arts you got...^^ wish got people buy your arts. Hehehe Peace...^^
Ahh...its so easy. Well...for so long I've been driving. Sometimes I do become one of them but I manage to control it. Wanna know why car accidents happen? It is because of the people themselves. They think they are better driver than everyone else. Got chance sure have chance. I dont believe that actually. I believe we have to value our life every second. Every seconds count when the word "DANGER" is coming.
Today I drive and go out go to post office. Need to settle something. Know what? Everywhere I go sure got DANGER...I'll be careful also no use. Other people not. They always think they better driver. What I mean is they're not following the basic rules of the road. They never understand the word of "Becareful". Most accidents happen because of people wanna be FAST & FURIOUS. Lolz...hey dudes, this is sabah. The nasty roads ever got in the world. Even sarawak have better roads now. Sabah? What happen? Not even reach 3 months the roads all got holes. =.=" such works~~~ say what? Susah fix road? need time? Hey...tell you what. Fix it PROPERLY the way west malaysia fix their roads. That way the word "SUSAH" wont appear in your mind. Okay already out of topic.
Now continue...until where already. Aaahhh yes..."racer" type drivers. This is mostly to those who have modify their cars and also for taxi people. Im disappoint but THANKS GOD...you are FAIR. They got accidents and learn their lessons. How is it feel when to fix your car? =D Big smile for you all. Hahahaha...There is one time when I was driving alone. Thanks God I try extra extra extra careful because for all of sudden...one driver who drive fast and you know la...potong potong line then last last...BOOM...accident. Man...Am I glad to see he's accident. You should be lucky you're not dead. Lolz...Anyway whats wrong driving slow and steady? Im in slow line also need to horn? Well...the more you horn the more I drive slow. I'll teach you slow line is for people who drive slow. Not "racer" type like you...Oh what? you never had accident because your driving skills so so PROFESSIONAL? Oh please~~ you might not accident but did something bad happen on you? Please wake up...Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga. Know what the meaning of that sentence? Hahahaha...serve you right.
Okay...hmmm what else ar...many kind of actions lar. I was so angry about it but...oh well...someday they will fall too. XD God is Fair. I love this...someday they will get their "present". XD hohoho if you die because of car accidents...I got no comments. =.=" maybe you do too many bad things sampai equal to your dead. But...dont bring innocence people with you. They dont deserve it.
That's all I wanna share...Thanks for reading it. ^^
Aaaarrrrrggghhhh!!!! HHHUUUURRAAAHHH!!! Its good to be back!!! IM...R.E.C.O.V.E.R!!!....uhuk uhuk...well not that much. Hahaha...At least I no longer suffer from heavy fever and coughing. Thanks to my Aunt that gave me antibiotics...=.=" it is truely strong medicine. Hehehehe...anyway Im glad to have my normal strength back although Im still bit sensitive to cold wind. I catch cold pretty easy for it. Oww~~ I hate sick but its the only way I could throw away my sweatsss~~~ Aahhh nevermind...I must training back but this rainy days really pissed me off sometimes...=.=" how the hell Im gonna go jogging if its keep raining after 5pm. Lolz...Oh well.
Hmmm...well recently...nothing bad or good happens. AH YES!!! There is something...a LETTER. It was written 5 years ago and...well...I think I disappointed the girl. I dint reply her actually. I wanted to reply now but...come one...5 years ago...impossible she could remember me anyway and probably she already back to her home town. The address she gave me is 5 years ago too where she still study in selangor. I was so so so suprised when I saw the letter. She was expecting me to reply her but I turn her down. Damn Im totally stupid and useless. I wanted to reply her and...well...if have any chance I just want to talk to her. I keep her letter for memory. ^^ Well I do hope and wish I bump into her. This kind of mystery really excite me sometimes. XD hehehehe...I wish I really really really bump into her. I dont care how she looks like as long as I able to know who is she. She called herself as Baby_Blue or Baby_Bule...=.=" cant remember much. Its written in her letter. I do remember I chat with her before but...I cant believe I just found her letter after 5 years. =.=" someone and somehow there are people who hold my letters. Everything about my privates always like...being control and...dibongkar. I HATE IT!!! Anyway back to story...She called herself as Baby_Blue and her real name is Mei Yee or A-Mei from sandakan. Oooookay~~ Thats quite near but...her address was show in selangor where she still studied 5 years ago. Damn!!! Where is this girl...XD hehehe...If I wanted to find her I have to go her university and find all about her but...where can I get such info and no way the people in that university going to help me anyway. It might happen like this..."OUTSIDER!!! Kick HIM!!!..." ooouchh~~ that totally embarrassing...Oh yea...her university full name is University Putrajaya Malaysia. O_O I REALLY WANT TO FIND THIS GIRL. Well...maybe she's the one for me. XD hehehehe Damn Im a BIG JERK for not replying her. She probably have boyfriend now or even married already.
Hmmm...so...do I need to find her or not leh~? Haiz...well...let God settle it. If got "jodoh" then we meet...if not...then wish her happy and good luck. ^^ hehe I guess this is 3rd chances I lost. The 1st one turn out to be disappointment...well its my fault anyway. I never blame her...I did before but when I think it clearly...everything my fault. >.< 2nd one is...well...Im almost wish the girl broke up with her boyfriend but I cant. Im not some of those people out there who like to break other people relationship to earn own benefits. Lolz...its totally against my promises. 3rd one is this one....=.=" the letter. Come on...what chances I have for a letter that wrote 5 years ago. No way the girl still single...=.=" She probably married already anyway. Okay...that's all I wanted to share for now. Hope you readers enjoy it.
P/s : This blog actually nothing special yet...Its all about what I've been through now. Just wait the time...= =+ I will RISE!!! I will SHINE!!! I will have everything that I lost...oh wait...not everything. I cant break up people relationship. Lolz...dont misunderstanding. XD hehehehe I mean I will come back as.....erm.....as....err.....you know....erm.....come back as.............what I wanted to be. Okay Bubye~ XD
Oh God Damn...I hate this kind of weather where from hot day then suddenly become rainy. Hot then cold...who would get sick at this time anyway. I wonder why my body so weak since I keep eating vitamins. =.=" izzit lack of exercise? Lolz like I have time for that. Every morning I have to send my mom and bro to work. How am I going to spend time on jogging and exercise? 5pm/6pm? Lolz I fetch my mom n bro too. I just wish I have time to exercise like last time again but its seem so hard due to my situation and the God Damn changing weather. Aaahh~~ its totally hard. Oh well...just go with the flow then.
About my feeling right now...hahaha this might sound crazy, stupid and totally desperate but not wrong right? To find special girlfriend now. Its good to have someone that you really can talk to all the time. Sharing feelings, problems and etc. Last time its happen on me but it was year ago. I spoil it with my bad attitudes. I really regret what happen then...I wish I could always listen but it always turns out to be disappointment. Everytime I wanna talk about something that in my mind. I always have no one to listen to. Well...no girls wanna listen to it anyway so I just have to keep it in my heart. Im actually straight person...I just talk right away of my problems but...hahaha...nobody willing to listen. I do chat with a lot of girls but none of them want to listen of my problems. Well i think probably I really duno how to talk with girls. I no longer know how to start a good conversation. Hahahah...stupid right? and most important of all...None of the single girls I chat is really serious about relationship but I really like those open minded girls who already have boyfriend. I always wanted to listen how their boyfriend treat them. (Well...ctually Im looking for a tips/hints from them...XD hehehehe...shhhhh) And also I dont really talk about this with my family. It just...well...totally not the kind of topic that suits with my family. I dont really talk much about my problems either because I know what will their advices are. Always the same...=.=" so why should share anyway. It just turn out to be worst all the time.
Also, =.=" I pretty shy to meet girls now because Im really ugly. I scared once they meet me, they wont want to talk to me or meet me for the 2nd time. It always happen on me a lot so...I pretty lack of confidence now. That's why its been so hard for me to find special girlfriend. Hahahaha...Yeah I know Im desperate but its not totally wrong about it right? Come on...Im 24 this year and still single? Dont tell me you want me to become 40 years old virgin like in that movie? Hahaha...Im totally disagree but thats life right? Many problems will come after one another. To be honest Im pretty jealous to all the couples out there. Holding hands, laughing to each other, chit chat and etc but some I really hate because of their bad attitudes. Come on...wanna do something go privacy lar. Dont so open...this is malaysia. I hate see couples out there kena checking lar, this and that. Wanna do something just go privacy. Dont let those "official gengsters" capture you. =.=" nanti ada "unofficial gengsters" disturb more worst. Now economy crisis...I suggest dont luan luan go out especially couple. Every night I go out I only go one place call City Mall...Its the only safe place I can go because of the securities there. Only City Mall securities are very responsible. Thats why I feel safe there. I know its bad to go out every day but...Im totally STRESS. Takkan simpan dalam hati...I dont want more SUFFERING but I do feel guilty everytime. I wanna go beach but my instinct always tell me dont even I have many friends to go with. Want find job also I need my instinct because I hate being backstab. Hardworking also want backstab...How to survive anyway? I dont really want to be BAD again. I dont want my wild attitudes come back. I dont want make troubles anymore. So please lar dont force me...I dint disturb you also.
Now most important is I must try to change my attitudes and calm my mind. I always stay in STRESS mode sampai my hair keep dropping. HAIR!!! DROPPPING!!! More worst...become more ugly. =.=" I try many product but none of them working. I keep wondering why...izzit my dietary? daily foods or what? Never get the answer. Last time my hair very tebal one even got drop also...now...macam sudah jadi orang tua. Less hair and more pimples...=.=" girls see also laugh because got botak botak...haiz...sakit hati. More lack of confidence because of this.
That's all I wanna share for now...It is what in my mind actually. Only my blog is my very close friend. He read everything what I wanted to write. XD hehehehe sot sot kan me? Even there is no advices at all...I still calm me down a while. At least I can still honestly smile because of this. =p hehehehe...well Thanks for reading this post. ^^
I hate being part of my family sometimes...I WANT TO LOOK FORWARD!!! Not BACKWARD!!! IDIOT!!! Dont always mention about the past...APA ITU JASA KALAU SENDIRI TIDAK MAJU? BAKA!!! STUPID!!! IDIOT!!! BRAINLESS!!! Dont argue with me using the past times...You cant fight me anymore!!! Im looking forward. KEEP THINKING HOW TO GET MONEY BY DOING SMALL BUSINESS. Thought I never think about this? Lolz...Im maybe pure kadazanese blood but I always have the brain of CHINESE PEOPLE. This is what you all want me to be right? I've been trying so hard about it. Ingat senang ka want get respect from certain chinese people, HUH? You thought LIFE IS EASY? You thought easy to communicate those king of people? Think about it...I less time to go back my kampung because of this. I WANNA LEARN THEIR WAY OF THINKING. That's why I only interested chinese people. Dont say I dont give some respect to my own race. I ALWAYS DO!!! But cant I be bit different from others? This is my life...STAY OUT OF IT!!! STOP TALKING ABOUT THE PAST. MAJU LA!!! BODOH!!! Sejak bila orang kadazan mahu maju??? DONT TALK IF NO ACTIONS TO BE DONE!!! You think I go out with my friends every night just for fun? Meeting new friends must have respect to each other. They look at me like chinese people but what happen if they know im pure kadazanese? Do you think I would get same respect? Think about it DAMN IT...My way of thinking FAR MORE DIFFERENT than you big brother. I DONT TALK ABOUT THE PAST!!! Ingat JASA ko tu MAHAL ka? Do you wanna know why I dint want to attend your wedding? ITS BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDITY!!! I've been control BECAUSE of you!!! MO ADA GF PUN MOM LARANG SAMPAI SYA TERPAKSA BREAK UP SAMA DIA!!! PASAL KO LA SYA SUFFERING. Sya sentiasa hormat ko sebagai abang tapi ko selalu anggap sya macam anjing!!! Ingat hati sya senang ka? Kenapa la ko ada kerja...I CANNOT BE BETTER MEH??? SOHAI KIA...KANASAI LAU.
Gggrr...I hate arguing about the past. Stupid...ndak pandai maju. Totally idiot. Totally no improvement.
Its been so long I dint write about "my feeling..." ^^...now Im going to write it again. The story still the same...well here goes again. ^^
Recently there's so many things happening on me...well I do go out a lot because I wanted to clear my mind. But my action always make my mum worried about me. I was wondering if I could have better computer. I might stay home and be in front of the super computer. XD but sadly...I have to go out to play the game I wanted to play. This game called Call Of Duty 4...the only game that make my mind completely clear and dint think about my pasts. Its a game where you become soldier in the game. It looks so real until its hard for me to kill someone. Hahaha...nevermind about that. Most important is that...the pasts haunted me again. Damn...I duno why. Suddenly I dream about it everything. From the beginning until the end of the day...everyday my dream is like...continue story. It makes me really uncomfordable and even hurts me a lot. Its been 8 days already. I tried not to think about it but...those dreams and my pasts keep haunting me. What I hate is that it is all about my past relationship. GOD DAMN IT!!! Looks like I still cant let go of my past. Well I tried so hard anyway. That's why I always wanted to play the game I played to calm my mind.
If I dream about the sweetest memories...Okay lar. But...hiyooo dream about the bad one...ITS NIGHTMARE!!! Everytime wake up sure the 1st pain I feel is in my heart. Really farked up...If headache because of not enough sleep Im still okay about it. But to feel back the heartbroken is totally unacceptable. AAARRGGHHH!!! Sometimes I feel like I want to suicide but cannot...=.= sure go to hell. Better I go out there help someone about their relationship. Biar la sendiri suffering as long as Im not those "thiefs" out there. Buat bagus kena balas bagus jugak lar someday. I dont mind suffering because its part of my life already. I dont mind kena cheated again as long as I dont hurt them. I dont mind I help people but they dint help me back. Most important I done the right things thats enough for me. As long as those people out there I help live happily thats more than enough for me already.
I really dont need anyone help except from my family because if people help me...I will keep rely on them. No...thats unacceptable. I must try my best to help myself so I dont need to rely on anybody else even they dont mind. "Bu hao yi shi" bah...keep getting help from others and you hard to help them back. Want balas jasa also hard...thats even make me more uncomfordable. >.< But anyway...thats not important right now. Whats important is that...I really really wanna scream and release my pain. AAARRRGGGHH!! uhuk uhuk...XD hehehehe Haiz...hard lar. Its totally hard...I wish to have better computer and a piano in my house. Better computer is for making remix songs. My friends have the software...piano is I want to calm my mind. Only if Im able to play better. Lolz...duno how to play. Hahahaha...well to have computer Im not only wanted to make remix songs but also I wanted to play better game. The game that Im talking about that is. hahaha...anyway...that's it for now. Im feeling better after I write everything here even though the "dreams" still haunted me. Hahaha
