I feel....sad & disappointed to myself

I feel kinda sad n disappointed to myself....as what my wife told me that i complaint too much about everything. Even a simply task i even complaint it. Now i know why I dont get anything I ever wanted because i have failed to do such simple task. I should have done anything without any complaint and I should done it in better ways. My wife told me that God given task to everyone from simple to hardest task. And, i think i got stuck on simplest task ever and im not able to get up at all even i cant get this simplest task done without any complaints. God TRUELY is POWERFUL. He taught me yet I failed Him. I wanna cry out yet I cant. All I feel now is pain. Not those heartbreaking pain. It cant even compare to what I feel right now. I write this post is to relief myself n tell the world who believe in God so that we should never abandon Him when we get something we truely need or something we wanted for so long.

Sometimes I've been thinking why do we pray? To get something we wanted or to be forgiven for all the sins we commited? I admit I asked too much from God and yet I get nothing...and that time I dont understand why. Now I understand. Im glad I have a wife who really knows well about God. To tell everyone the truth...I dont really believe in religion. If religion so good...why are humans in this world still fight among each other? Why hate each other yet we are brothers and sisters in God? Most people believe in religion yet dont believe in God? Why so much rules in religion yet God Himself never taught us all that? I just dont understand about rules in religion and it get stricter and stricter every year. Its just....well....human-like. Its like all the rules that have in different religion made from human not God. So weird and get more complicated every time. And sometimes I lost my respect in religion because of the rules that get stricter every time. Sometimes I think it doesnt make sense at all. And YES I am complaining right now. Thats what I hate about myself most of the time. Aaarrgghh!

Sigh~ so pain....Im totally confused about my life right now. All i can think of is to get better salary job and yet none replied. I cant accept RM450/monthly now. I have a wife n daughter to take care. Government should have taken care of minimum salary for East Malaysia. It should be done YEARRRSSSS ago and yet none is approve. If I have given chance to change my beloved North of Borneo. I would change everything I could. I dare say most of leaders are blinded by wealth n power. Its hard to say corrupted because I still believe some of them dont have a choice but to obey.

Well than thats it. Im out of my own thoughts.

Thank you for reading.