It's just so COMPLICATED...

Haaah~~ Its so complicated...

All this time...I've been thinking...Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Its just...well...CONFUSING!!! >.< sigh~~~ Its not only about my life...Its also about my GF...I really dont know how to say this...Its something like...=.=" not that I no longer have feeling on her...its ME...Im the problem...I never feel like this before...Its like I wanted more...Im not saying that Im flower heart or not. Its just I wanted someone that...really really really can make my life better. Make me feel happier everyday. Even though Im quite happy with my GF right now but...I still feel something is missing in my life. Something that I always wanted...I been trying to fight this feeling...this attitude...but...Its just so hard. Im SO DAMN HEADACHE about this. I feel like I wanna scream so so so much but...I end up writing in this blog. All I can do is playing games...to lose focus about something I wanted. But every time I go out...I lost control of myself. That "something" keep coming back. I have this attitude that I must get what I wanted even it takes very long time. Haizz..

I guess I have to stick with my GF for a while...but...AARRGGHH!!! I hope my GF can give me something...something that can fill up my "missing" thing. If not...I will end up finding someone else that really can fulfill the COMPLETE ME...Even though I have GF...but...All the pieces in my heart still not come back. The crack havent heal. The pain havent been endure. I try my best oledi. This is my BIGGEST weakness...how strong I am to fight bad people...once my "heart" being strike...I immediately fall. Yea...Im strong in physical and mental sometimes but my heart always weak. God Is FAIR...we all got our own advantages and disadvantages. But having a weak heart is totally unacceptable. >.< HAIZ!!!

I think thats all lar...

p/s : I cant change myself loving chinese people...especially chinese girls. Its how I grow up since small...haizz...being around with chinese friends make me to flirt chinese girls...I always wanted to have chinese GF but...I always rejected. Now I have GF but not chinese...I think I been desperate and make the decision so fast. Haizz...I cant do anything about it right now. All I can do is PRAY...