Suffering...

Haiz...recently there are so many things happening around me. Some of my friends in trouble in relationship. So hard to settle...but I dun mind because I might learn something from it. The more I learn the more better in future where I know how to take care...well...whoever my special girlfriend is. To tell the truth I already give it up about this relationship things. I just go with my single life even it hurts me sometimes with jealousy. Even I found any girl I interested but it still cant make me happy like last time. Some say Im a great guy, this n that. Well...its not true actually. Im not that great...Im not those guys out there who know very well in relationship. Even I hope I find "replacement" for my heart. Im worried Im not be able to take care of her in the future. Come one...useless and lazy guy like me to have a girlfriend? That's why...its so hard for me now.

But Im happy to help all my friends and my new friends. Im glad their relationship dint end up rotten. It hurts me most of the time everytime I get into these situations but I dun care. If I say I'll help...I will help. Please dont try to stop me...It will even HURT me most. But not all the problem I can solve...because some end up break up relationship. Im quite disappointed and sad because of my failure but hey...Im human...Im not perfect. I do whatever I can do...I'll help whenever I can until the end. I will not stop helping...so please dun try to stop me because you worry about me. I do the best I can...the result is in your hands. Not me...Im just a 3rd party and help discuss peacefully. I'll ask straight questions...if you dun like it you have to accept it because its better to face it now rather then in the future.

Now Im so suffering because I was too jealous about those relationship. I never had those before. I really wanna feel it again. It is nice to have a partner to talk everything in your mind rather then keep it in your heart. But im usually will said "nothing...dun worry about me". Its because I dun wan you guys to suffer like me just to help me. I done so many bad things already. Let me suffer and take the punishment. Let me learn and guide myself so that I can be independent next time. But I still need help...to calm me mind...to calm my heart...to calm my suffering. I want someone who REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY understand me without telling my problems. Im a quiet guy so...=.=" ndak heran most of the girls I dated feel bored about me. Well...at least Im a good listener now. ^^ hehehe...

I even pray for all my friends to have better life...if girls I usually pray for their safety from anything bad happen. Well...I dun wan something in return. Im just glad to help. Its better to do some good deeds right...^^ sometimes it makes you happy even a while. Hehehehe...Hmmm...what else...Oh...I guess its nothing special now...I just wanted to write about this because well...this blog is my diary and also my life line. What's been going on about my life? something like that. But sorry there's no moral in it. It just my feeling and my experiences...It makes me a bit better after I write this post. Hehehe...thanks for reading my blog. Sayonara...