Teardrops Of My Guitar

This song totally inspire me...even this is suppose to be sad song but...if you could make it in positive thought...You wont have any problems with it.

That's remind me...why is it when some people in pain they dun wan to get disturb and they ignore their most closest friends? I've been wondering why and how to solve it. To me its actually easy...when Im feeling down...my friends not giving up to cheer me up. I really happy because of that but when I did that to my friend. I got ignored...well maybe is my fault at the 1st place but...at least reply me and say you wan to be alone or dun disturb me or anything. No answer at all...how am I gonna know what you been thinking? I know how pain is breaking up with the one you really love but why dun wan to share it?...I always been waiting for you but you never realize my existence. You thought I duno anything...dun understand anything. Ok I admit that but...Im a friend that can be trusted. I really hate being ignore while Im trying to help you. Even my ex-GF not that bad...she still remember who I am. Now she has better life and better BF...which makes me happy because of her.

But...why ignore me? why cant I be the friend to cheer u up? I done everything n try my best to help but u wont let me. I messages you but u din reply...I call you but u decide not to talk to me. Which makes me to think are we still friend or not? I broke up with my ex-GF and we still friend. We never become enemy. But...why im the one who try so hard to help you and get this kind of friendship? Friend help each other...get through each other. Independent got its own limit you know. Not everyone is a loner. I was a loner before but when I found the true meaning of friendship. I cry and happy about it. We do have same in common...when Im down I want to be alone but I think positively. Its really hard to help you if you think negatives all the time. Not everyone is the same you know. We learn from our mistakes and we must keep move forward.

I really hate being ignore...it hurts me a lot especially when I want to help someone that I really care. Everytime I try to help someone...I end up hurt and being betray. How painful is that? I waste my energy and willing to help the one I care the most but in the end I get ignore and realize that Im being used. Sigh...I really wish you be alright sooner because...I decide not to disturb you anymore. I decide not to find you anymore. Forget about my invitation. I think you not even need me anymore. I try everything I could do whether you accept or not...that's up to you. This post will be the last about you. I no longer able to help you because you dint accept my help. I feel like Im wasting my energy and time right now. I really really really sad and totally disappointed right now. That's how I feel now...I cant believe the one I really care the most and trusted the most ignoring me.

This post is my last post about "You". I wont post anything about you anymore in the next posts. Either you find me or not...Im not sure I'll be able to be there for you anymore. Im a man that respect woman decisions...what you want...that you will get. Its no use to convince you anymore. Without TRUST...I cant do anything anymore. You need spaces? I give you spaces...I also need my spaces to recover myself again.

Thanks for everything...
I'll appreciate everything you did...

Remember...True friends always be there for you but once you broken the chain...it would be hard to get it back.

Bye...*turn around and never look back again*

I really SERIOUS now...this is the part of me you will never expect...no one know about my dark side personality. Ignoring me or betraying me really pissed me off.

Last post about the girl I LOVE...its a disappointment matter. No use to remember it...

P/S : I'll wait you at the top where the stars are shining brightly in the sky. I'll be waiting...lets see if you could reach it again. Lets see whether you able to pass this small test or not. I have possibility that your chance only 10% unless you stop think so much, doing stupid actions such as suicidal, and start think positively. My tears cant stop dropping from my eyes when I heard you try to killself but my tears will never ever stop when you dint think me as your friend but instead ignoring me when I try to help you. Well...you get what you want. I'll give you spaces...I dont give a damn about excuses such as "even my old friends also leave me alone"...come on...Do I really this stupid??? Im not stupid ok!!! Saya suka jaga tepi kain orang lain??? AS A TRUE FRIEND FOR YOU...I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU BUT YOU BRAKE THE CHAIN YOURSELF. Thats what TRUE FRIEND really means right??? The one who will be there for you no matter what. Sigh...Im so disappointed. I dun care I hurt you more or not right now because all I want now is that you to WAKE UP!!!

Fight Till The End...

I been suffering for all these days, weeks and months. Now its time to fight back and face my fear. I'll try until the end of my life. Settle things caution, Think calmly, Make Wise Decisions n etc. No more!!! muhuhuhuhuhahahhhahahahhaha...uhuk uhuk...oh sorry havent recover yet...hahaha

Just a simple topic~~~ I just have to fight every negatives that block my paths. Yes...paths...I walk many paths at once. Thats why I been so suffering and confused everytime. Im not able to make wise decision too. Time to move on...I dun care about my dream or what...REALITY is the most important things now. Living in fantasy world...it just makes me more suffering. So better move on now...no use to look back. Just keep forward all the paths I walk now until the end of my life. Why not right? How can we become independent if he just stick with 1 path? lolz...If those millionaire can walk so many paths...why not we? They all human too. Just time can settle it and with so many effort...SURE WE CAN. Kita BULIH BAH....XD hehehehehe

Okay...what else ar? Hmmm....=.=" I guess thats all lar. Got a lot things to do...

Thanks for visiting my blog and read my posts. ^^

Fall...Fall...Until Sick~ Haiz...

Urgh~~ I Hate Sick...I cant believe I fall punya fall terus jatuh sakit. =.=" keep on coughing non stop whole day. I write this post also I keep on coughing. Haizz...again Im very hard to get nice sleep. =.=" since monday...Its been 3 days if count today...I totally dint have a good night sleep. Dream also blank blank now...I feel tired. I feel uneasy. I feel...well...kinda miss someone. But what can I do? >.< I hardly able to walk now. Haizz...I miss someone so so so much. AARRGGHH!!! But I was told not to find her. Come on tell me when I can find her!!! Show yourself now!!! Give me the answer!!! Im totally confused~~ All I see is spinning world...>.< I really dont know what to do~~ I want go out but...=.= car less oil and mom not around~ Ouch~ But where should I go? =.= I already get bored to keep on going to the same places everytime I need my spaces. Haizz...I wonder why it happens on me? Is it my test? This is the one that I should always face? If yes...I FAIL AGAIN!!! I run away from it. >.< It happens again when I fall in love and not able to express my feeling. It happens exact the same when I was in college. Haizz...but this time more complicated because she got BF oledi. Damn...this is not triangle love. This is something like...=.= well I really dont know what to call it.

Now Im totally SUFFERING!!! Damn!!! I hate sick too~~~ baru 3 hari ndak cukup tidur oledi sick~~~ hampir2 putus nafas because cough so much...Damn it. Like I want to die now...=.=" HELL NO!!! Im not accept dead because of sickness...not worth at all. If I die protect someone I truely LOVE. That's even more worth than die because of money. I rather accept that than because of sick. Well...all I can do now is staying away from what I was told to and stay calm. But still...=.= I really do MISS her!!~ Haiz~~~ Im totally become crazy because of this. Damn It...because of this I become totally emo. =.=" well emo got nice hairstyle. At least give that to me lar...lolz. Iskk...AAARRRGGHHH I wanna scream so much but I cant let it out~~~ Everything in my mind and my heart. DAMN!!! How to let it go??? Why is it falling in love is so much painful than break up??? I thought break up are much more painful...Haiz...nvm lar. I'll just take His advices as told. I just have to be patient and wait for the answer.

P/s : I MISS HER SO MUCH!!!

Dream or Guide???

I had a dream today...

Well...its about the girl I LOVE actually. Not like I dream about her lar...its something like maybe her relative I think...He tells me to stay away from her. Im totally confused what to do...should I really do that? Well...I never take other people advices when Im in LOVE...so I guess I should do it...Im not sure what the dream real meaning but...I got no other choices. I just have to stay away from her. Not sure how long...I just wait he give me some guide again. Sad oso lar but what to do~ He tells me not to disturb her, stay away from her, and dont get involve in her relationship or problems. I been thinking whole day...I guess I'll take that advices and wait for another guide from him. Maybe he want to help me...guide me for LOVING the wrong girl at the wrong time.

Okay Sir...I'll take your advices. I'll stop here and go to my own world. I'll stop for involving anyone problems. I'll stop helping anyone for my own good. You are right sometimes. I'll help a lot people but I still get nothing. Do it really that worth to do it again n again? Your questions totally confused me a lot. All your questions still stuck in my mind. Im totally dont know what to do but thanks for your guide. I'll take your advices. I usually very very very stubborn when Im in LOVE. I sacrifice a lot but at the end I still get nothing in return but Sir..=.= I never ask something in return. Im just glad to help her but...Its my fault for fall in love to her. I guess what other people said are true. Dont always be so good person because people might use me then at the end...I get nothing.

Haizzz...Ok lar. I go to my own world from now on. I'll stay away from everything you told me to. I'll do what you ask me to do.

Thanks for your advices.
Thanks for guiding me.

Places To Stay Calm

Today at 9.30pm until 11.30pm I stay at the beach tanjung aru to calm my feelings...I shouldnt get myself into all this mess. I feel so guilty now...but Im glad to be able to calm myself in such a short period time. Lolz Im so embarresing when all people look at me sitting down alone in the beach. Im totally feel guilty oh!!! IM SO SUFFERING!!! Why this things happen on me ar~~~ Why did I fall in love with her ar??? WHY HER??? GOD!!! Answer me!!! I just pray for your protection, her safety n happiness. Even I wanted them to break up but I feel guilty if it happens. Macam sumpah diorang to break up. I pray for her good...bukan pray so that I fall in love with her~~ Hiyooo...Now I deeply in love with her but she got BF. Even they really break up...How can I express my feelings to her??? How can I convince her that my feelings are real??? AAARGGHH!!!...Im still so young...I still not enough experiences to face all this. I dont dare to ask my friends because I scared they advices dun suits me at all. Sekarang sakit hati gao gao...I cant control myself anymore. I cant control my feelings anymore. I duno why...I also explode oledi. Haiz...OH GOD PLEASE HELP AND GUIDE ME!!! I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP NOW!!! T.T uhuhuhuhuh...I cant stop crying...I feel totally guilty the actions I make. I need someone~~~ T.T Please...anyone??? uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh....

P/s : Beach Tanjung Aru and Taman Teluk Insan Likas...these to place is a good place to calm my mind. Anyone who having hard time contacting me...I always there. I cant tell everything right now...Im totally SUFFERING and IN PAIN...Im totally CONFUSED about everything. All I wanted now is to stay beside the girl I LOVE...I really do...but...I have no guts. Im phobia oledi...T.T This blog the only very close friend I had. He listen everything I write here...AARRGGHHH I truely nid someone arrr~~~ T.T uhuhuhuhuhuhuh GOD HELP ME!!!

P/S : Sorry to all my friends...I wanted to be alone for a while. I cant think very straight and carefully now. If u wan find me...there are 2 places I go. Good Luck everyone...Be Happy oh. ^^

I Must Stay Calm...But still I LOVE YOU.

I must stay calm now...I never thought I fall in love for her at bad situations. Well...its her bad situations. I cant believe this is happening on me. I never thought fall in love are more painful then break up. Its so painful when you cant express your feeling. I been thinking if I express it now...What will you do? What will happen then? Can we still be like the way we used to be? Damn...Im been acting crazy because of this. I just...well...its not totally the same feeling I had with my ex-GF. I never love someone more then my ex-GF. You are the only one can replace her in my heart. But I scared you might run off and we never be able to be like the way we used to be right now. We are like very close friend now. If I express my feeling to you...Im scared things get worst. Im scared you cant take it because it is so sudden. You probably suprised how I can be like this? But...cant you feel anything? I'll be there for you always so that I can stay together with you. Trying to make you happy...All those things I done for you because I LOVE you...but its so sudden Im scared you might stay away from me. I understand now why my ex-GF used to say she like me better last time before I flirt her. Im being so annoying right now. Im so sorry...Im truely sorry. I shouldnt push you so hard. Its just I dun wan to see you sad and disappointed. Please be strong...I ask God to take away all your burden and let me carry it all alone.



Dear Raymie...I wish you have better life right now. I pray for your safety and happiness. I hope you would go out with me as a very close friend next time. You seems to be...well...rejected me. I can understand that because of the situation you're in now is not in good shape. I wish I could do something with it but...I mustn't. Even your mum dun wan to get involve in your relationship. To tell you the truth Im very happy when I heard you wanted to break up with your BF last time. But when I think carefully...Im not suppose to be happy at all because...you actually trust your BF that day shows you that you still love him. You last long until this moment...Please Raymie...dont be like this...dont leave me. We just been together for half a year. I dont want to lose a friend like you. You're the only one I got now. You're the only one I truely TRUST...I never trust other girls like I trust you because its how they treated me. You treated me good even you have BF...you never cheat but you're being said you cheat. So cham oo u...so innocent but BF din trust you. Now he yang treat you so bad...cheat on your back. But you still love and trust him. You protect him so much. Im so jealous of him right now...I cant believe a girl like you being treated so bad. I really do wish I could have a GF like you. Now actually I was trying to say I LOVE you by helping you. I sacrifice my time for you. Even my friends try to bring me go out...I rejected them because I wanted to stay with you. If can I wanted to see you everyday but...its totally annoying. I macam orang gila yang selalu want be with the girl he LOVE. Maybe this is why my ex-GF break up with me because I just cant let her go so easily until you came and knock my door. You found the key in my heart but you open my door just as close friend. Im so happy to have a friend like you, Raymie. I really do...I also hope you visit my blog and know all about me. I cant express it in front of you because it is so sudden right? At the same time you have problems with your relationship. People do crazy things when they're in LOVE.

Dear Raymie...please...dont go...I LOVE YOU. I dont want to lose you. All I need from you is your TRUST. Even you not love me...I will at least try my best to make you happy. Honest Happiness not acting one. I miss your smile when we 1st have our yam cha in Easy Way, Lintas. I will never forget about that beautiful day. That day you truely have your honest sweet smile. But now...you been acting so weird. I sad to see your smile like this...not rili honest one. Many girls out there so jealous about you and hurts you so much. But you still have many many friends that still CARE about you. I really want to carry your burdens...I dun mind at all. Just share with me...let it go. Dont put everything inside your heart. Im in deeply pain because you did that. We got same in common actually but I never thought your burdens are much more heavier then mine. Because of you...I'll be able to let go my past relationship. You are the only one that bright my room...and now you're in trouble I shall be your ANGEL and light up your room. You have live in so much pain and suffering world. Let me hold the key to your heart. Let me the one bright up ur day...even we just end up close friend. I dun mind helping you because I LOVE YOU. Dont be suprised k? I also suprised that I fall in LOVE with you. I just too confused n not being "rasional" at all. Actually I do have feeling on you at 1st sight but I just cant believe after half a year being close friend. I fall in LOVE with you...Its just I duno how to convince you to believe my LOVE is real or not. I always thought you could see inside me because you have that ability. I do agree your BF now is a good person but...he dint treat u good all those months you're together with him. Please stop this...you deserves better then he is. If he truely love you...why he still going out with his k-moi? Said he was drunk n this n that. It just an excuses you know. He would never do this if he really really love you but you're blind because you love him too. I just stay behind you watching you caring so much to the wrong guy. I cant do anything about it because you might think I try to snatch you away. Actually I wanted to but will my actions make you happy? No right? so...I just stay silent and support you from the back. I dun mind suffering in pain n hurt while watching you still care to the wrong guy.

Well...whatever it is...Please go out with me...I just wanted to bring you someplace that you might never go before. I wanna walk the path that you are walking now...I wanted to be by your side to make you happy. Dont worry how your BF might think...he treat you so bad...he deserves it. We just go out as a close friend. Lets gai gai lar...^^" Please accept my invitation...

I LOVE YOU!!!

I totally LOVE this song!!! It gives me strength to continue find my true love. Oh YEA!!! XD hehehe I also love this song because of the rhythm & beats. Very meaningful lyrics but I do hope It works in flirting. Because I really cant express my feeling by saying the words "I Love You". I dont have the guts to do it...I really wish I could say it with all my heart to the person I love. But tertelan itu words...and terpaksa use song or music that related with saying "I Love You". And I found it...This song is SUITABLE!!!! I must use it for back up...I have to change and use my own mouth to say the 3 magical words...AARRRGGHH I cant believe Im into this thing again. Damn...I fall in love again and I duno what to do about it. Damn it...I truely need guide. >.< How to express it? How to let it out? I dun mind kena reject anymore...I must face this fear once and for all for my own good. I must try...I have to try no matter what. I mustn't give up...It been half a year I been together with her and I fall in love for her. AAARRRGHHH SOMEONE!!! GOD!!! Help me!!! Guide me!!! PLEASE!!! I help people but sendiri cant solve it.....>.< Haizz...I dont want to choose to be silent anymore. I must express my feeling to her but HOW??? I must think wisely what will be her reaction after I said the 3 magical words. I dont want to hurt her...I dont want to make her feel confused...I dont mind she rejected me...but how do I convince her that I really really really honest with my feeling??? Im scared she thinks that I only play play around...joking around. She is...well...in complicated things right now but...how do I convince her? and what will happen after I express my feeling? Will we be together like we used to be again? Will I be treated good like before? Im scared to get totally ignored after I express my feeling. I also duno how she feel about me...only friend? brother and sister? Not sure...

I want something like...after I express my feeling. Even she rejected me...we will still be like the way we used to be. Like very close friend...more than close friend but not couple type because kena reject ma...Haizz...totally confused. I totally scared...Fuh fuh fuh...tarik nafas...fuh fuh...relax~~ relax~~ must stay calm~~ Nevermind...I'll find a way to express my feeling. I will never give up. I will stay by her side so that I know her very well. She need help and guide. I must heal her soul and heart 1st before express my feeling. Make her happy and always stay in good condition.

P/s : To the girl I LOVE...If you read this post. This song is for you. ^^ Dont think too much 1st. Dont give the answer 1st. Think carefully...I will be your side and listen to EVERY problems you have. I will help you solve it. I will protect you no matter what. No matter what happen I will accept you as who you are. I also need guide from you. We all need guide. I will never give up. Im not crazy...Im serious. You know something.

When You hurt...Im hurt too.
When I hear your sad voice...I sad & cry.
When You have problems...I cant sleep well becoz I think how to solve it.
When You need help...Im panic and think how to help You.
When I feel something bad might happen to You...I'll pray so hard.
When I heard many people chase You...Im sad & hurt.
When the time I feel down...You were there to cheer me up.
When the time I give up on something...You were there to light me up.

So...There's no way I just sit down and listen to your problems without doing anything about it. Things must be solve as fast as possible. I will HELP you. Even you reject me when I express my feeling. Even we just end up being friend. I'll still dont want to lose you. You the very BEST & CLOSE female friend I ever had now. You're the only one that really treat me so good. Im not suprise every friends you had all protect and love you so much. But Im a little jealous about it. Hehehe...I hope things will change. I hope time will heal you.

Please...If you need help. I will be there for you. I will help you no matter what. As a friend now...I want you to be happy. You all bones now...you dint sleep well...you dint eat well. We all WORRY about you. We all cry because of you. My heart very painful to see you like this. Please dont be like this. We beg you. Please come back to your old happy self again. I want to see you very honest sweet smile. I'll never see you happy before. You just smile like nothing happen but...you eyes tells me everything but I just silent. Next time I'll said it out loud. I'll let you know that I truely very WORRY about it. I CARE for you.

If You really and truely TRUST me...take my hand. Lets walk to the place where the star shine the land together. Lets walk under the moon light that light our path in the dark. Lets walk under the sun that give us strength and happiness together. Lets carry all the burden on our shoulder together. Please...dont hide anymore. TRUST me...Im HERE for You. I will bright up the light in your deepest and darkest part in your heart. I will free your soul from suffering so much. I dont want to see you hurt like this anymore because it hurts me too. Please...come out and take my hand. Get out from the darkest world you are in now. Lets together walk to the shining light upon us. Please...TRUST me and take my hand.

Suffering...

Haiz...recently there are so many things happening around me. Some of my friends in trouble in relationship. So hard to settle...but I dun mind because I might learn something from it. The more I learn the more better in future where I know how to take care...well...whoever my special girlfriend is. To tell the truth I already give it up about this relationship things. I just go with my single life even it hurts me sometimes with jealousy. Even I found any girl I interested but it still cant make me happy like last time. Some say Im a great guy, this n that. Well...its not true actually. Im not that great...Im not those guys out there who know very well in relationship. Even I hope I find "replacement" for my heart. Im worried Im not be able to take care of her in the future. Come one...useless and lazy guy like me to have a girlfriend? That's why...its so hard for me now.

But Im happy to help all my friends and my new friends. Im glad their relationship dint end up rotten. It hurts me most of the time everytime I get into these situations but I dun care. If I say I'll help...I will help. Please dont try to stop me...It will even HURT me most. But not all the problem I can solve...because some end up break up relationship. Im quite disappointed and sad because of my failure but hey...Im human...Im not perfect. I do whatever I can do...I'll help whenever I can until the end. I will not stop helping...so please dun try to stop me because you worry about me. I do the best I can...the result is in your hands. Not me...Im just a 3rd party and help discuss peacefully. I'll ask straight questions...if you dun like it you have to accept it because its better to face it now rather then in the future.

Now Im so suffering because I was too jealous about those relationship. I never had those before. I really wanna feel it again. It is nice to have a partner to talk everything in your mind rather then keep it in your heart. But im usually will said "nothing...dun worry about me". Its because I dun wan you guys to suffer like me just to help me. I done so many bad things already. Let me suffer and take the punishment. Let me learn and guide myself so that I can be independent next time. But I still need help...to calm me mind...to calm my heart...to calm my suffering. I want someone who REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY understand me without telling my problems. Im a quiet guy so...=.=" ndak heran most of the girls I dated feel bored about me. Well...at least Im a good listener now. ^^ hehehe...

I even pray for all my friends to have better life...if girls I usually pray for their safety from anything bad happen. Well...I dun wan something in return. Im just glad to help. Its better to do some good deeds right...^^ sometimes it makes you happy even a while. Hehehehe...Hmmm...what else...Oh...I guess its nothing special now...I just wanted to write about this because well...this blog is my diary and also my life line. What's been going on about my life? something like that. But sorry there's no moral in it. It just my feeling and my experiences...It makes me a bit better after I write this post. Hehehe...thanks for reading my blog. Sayonara...