How Did We End Up Here?

How Did We End Up Here?

I'm wondering why too...can't help it. Can't do anything about it...it's all my fault anyway. I had all the chances...but I blew it all away. Haihz...damn it. Sometimes I wish we not couple last time so that we can be friends until now. When you broke up with me...I've been so angry about it but...I can't do anything about it. I respect your decision. When you said "a girl need a guy with wealth"...I really sad and disappointed because I'm not that kind of guy. I'm poor...and you help me a lot. But still I can't do anything about it. Can't repay you for everything you done for me. I always wish you and pray for you to have better guy in your life. I do sad when you have other guy in your life but when I saw him...I'm sad and happy at the same time. He's the one for you. He got everything that you always wanted. He care for you...that's why you fall in love with him. I wish you be happier than last time. I wish you get what you always wanted...I'm happy for you that you didn't end up having lousy BF like me last time and in the future. I feel much relief when you got BF that have future in him. I know your parents don't like me at all. Don't like me to be with you. I been thinking about it all time but I just pretend I didn't know anything. I'm sure you too want to break up with me. It's been so long that you wanted to break up with me but...you didn't. I don't want you stay with me because you feel sympathy of me. You know my future now is totally blank. I wanted to run away but it always comes back. I wanted to forget about you but your face always picture in front of my sight even we never meet after you have new BF. I always wanted to see you smile but...when you start schooling in S.I.A. You changed...you never do what you always do on me. I been looked down so bad because of who I am. Because of being stupid...Because I have so much problems that you can no longer hold it anymore. I'm really sorry...I know you forgive me but how do I forgive myself? How do I forgive myself when I think back everything what I done to you...I can't forgive myself you know. I'm no longer can accept any girl in myself even though there are some girls that I wanted to chase but to think back all the past and all the mistakes I done. It's hard for me to move on...I wish this things never happen but it did and I can't control it. I can't overcome it...I'm too weak. So weak...my parents didn't support me anymore. You're lucky to have parents that still support you. Sometimes I wish I'm a girl...even being a girl is hard but at least they're always supported from parents. As a guy...we sacrifice so much for girls we love. We try our best until our last breath. We know you all appreciate us but...when we done something wrong even it just a small matter. It depends on the person whether He can handle it or not. Most of them can handle it but I can't. I'm too weak...most people says me has "No Life". I did angry about it but...when I keep thinking about it. They are right...damn right about it. Damn right about me. I can't help it...

I do wish there's a girl like you...not 100% same but at least some part of you would be same. Honest, Supportive, Playful, Active & Understanding...that's what I'm looking for. Well...it depends also. I'm looking for someone that really suited me anyway but I'm too picky about it. Haha...anyway...I pray for you so that you would be always in Good Luck & Happy in everything you do. I still feel sad & disappointed but...I'm happy that you not with someone like me. Someone who don't have stable income. Someone who can't even handle small problem. I wish I can change but I still can't. I need some support but I prefer that support would be from the girl I love. Well whoever she is...haha...well that's all. I write everything here just to release all my emotions. Everything how I actually feel right now...I don't wish you to read this too but if you really read it through...

Here...








I don't even know it is related to what I'm trying to do here or not...but I hope you enjoy the songs I gave you...If you come and read it. Hehe...Well...Ja Ne!!! =p