My Feeling

This is another topic about my feeling again...I write everything here so that I can feel much relief about everything I been through and hoping it can be solve as soon as possible.

Actually...Its really hard to explain how I feel now...so hard to release it. Its all about me...I really feel sorry about my parents. They work so hard to earn money to clear all debts but me...haiz...go out enjoy enjoy enjoy. Damn...but I do lucky that I realize this before its going further. I even help my new friends to release their stress even though it suffer me more. But this is final...I cant help anymore. I already make my own family suffer so much. I should stop helping anyone anymore. But...haiz I feel really really sorry about everything. Sometimes my new friends want some help I cant even say NO...WHY AR? Be good also suffer...Be bad also suffer...haiz...really confusing. Why everything has to be like this? Why cant everything be fine for even 1 day or 2 days? T.T haiz~ cham ar~ suffer suffer lar...what so ever everything also same. Help or not help also suffer...Be good or be bad also suffer. haiz~~

This is about my head chef...I wanted to tell him everything and I know he will understand but I dont want him to think that Im this and that...bad lar this lar...haiz...so hard if talking someone more older than me sometimes. Different people really different thinking. His friend which also my friend tell me that he dont have a good family since he was born. But he's lucky that he got GREAT family angkat...adoption lar. is that the right spelling? XD hehehe so...haiz I also very very pity him lar. Since small oledi more suffer than me. That is why...he's lucky to have new family that adopt him. At least his life ok oledi. But for my situation is totally different. I enjoy but my family suffer. When I realize it...I CANT even think of something how to help. Want to open business also not so easy...Want to help family business also not yet complete. Haiz...I wanted to work day and night oledi. Gain more pain to have more money. I dont care if Im die...as long as I dont make more debts and sendiri enjoy. I really have less time with family now coz of working at night. I finish work they all sleep. Offday I must go out release my stress on the beach and go yam cha with friends laugh laugh. Really no time at all...I wish to take unpaid leave for 1 week to have family dinner but...the shop I work at totally depends on me...without me all the workers...BOOM...penat and confused gao gao. Even how busy the shop is I still can take care everything as long as no one distract my attention. And the shop really have less workers...haiz~ if got more worker...later jatuh bankrapt ndak cukup pay this pay that. AAAaaarrrgghhh I really wish Im good at office thingy ar~~~ haiz...but...office work...totally not suit me...>.< haiz~~

This is for my Mom...Im really sorry that I use your car not only to go work but also go enjoy and everything. I use your car to go work is ok lar but go enjoy really make me feel very sorry. But I really do take GOOD care your car. I wont do anything that damage the car unless got people go kacau lar...haiz~ T.T IM SORRY!!! REALLY REALLY SORRY!!! You work Overtime to gain more extra money but I use your car go enjoy. Totally UNFAIR...I wish I could be strict everything but most of the time I cant even say NO when friends need help even though it suffer me more...only my best friends and close friends understand me very well...

This is about some part of myself lar...I do really wanted to talk this with someone really could listen to me...even though he/she dont understand what im saying but at least try hard to understand me. I know and understand that out there...there are more people more suffer than me but the way I wanted to release my stress and everything is different. To be honest I dont have balance hormon...so if you find me act like girly bit and childish bit...please lar...be understanding...dont think like Idiot people...dont be brainless. No one perfect...if you think you are perfect...ok...I will challenge you. I dun mind losing but at least I will MAKE you understand. haiz...its like that lar...I cant write anymore coz today I really moody. I cant think good good anymore. I need to think how to solve everything...

Thanks For Reading This...^^
- Rick JokEr-