My Feelings and...WORST of all...family falling apart...haizz...

All this time...all this days...why I cant sleep well? why I keep awake? Its because of the nightmare I had...I wish and pray that it is not dejavu. I really dun wan it to happen...I wish it is only normal nightmare not a message/dejavu. If it does happen...what am I gonna do? What should we do? Why is it happening? So many questions but yet none have been answered yet. The only thing I can do is PRAY. So headache and frustrated if it does happen. Really duno what will happen in the future.

Sigh~~~ I also cant control myself sometimes...I feel so guilty when I think back about it especially when I hurt my mom feelings. I keep praying everyday to be able to control myself but it just make me more stress...make me more worst. What should I do? Stop everything what Im doing now? NO!!! I cant do that...I cant stop socialize!!! If I just stay home and dint go out with my friends? How am I able to maintain my chinese language? I learn a lot from them and they teach me a lot too...even sometimes they play play about it but still they really really really teach me the way of chinese people living. When im stress...I need them to clear my mind especially my friend, San. He really a brilliant thinker...so free minded...so relax person. He's a GREAT joker amongst us all...He always bring laughter in our group. When I think clearly...our group is the best. No clubbing...No Beer...No bad things. Just hang out, yam cha, movies, games, and everything healthy. If other people always wanted to bring me go clubbing and pub. NO WAY!!! Im not going to those smoky place anymore. I really cant breath properly there. YES of coz it is great experiences but its not worth to release tension there.

Yalar...clubbing and pub...many leng luis, many sexy girls, many pretty girls...but whats the use? Rosak rosak punya girls...Im not saying all but most of them. Its totally useless to have pretty and sexy on appearance if the brains are as tiny as bean. Only IDIOTs and STUPID minded guys would choose those kind of girls...Only those who think girls as playmate would choose on appearance not brain. Wanna test me? Come and try...I'll give u the REAL answer from my heart. Dont be suprised about it. Pretending? Lolz...you're totally suicide. You'll never know how good I am in game. You make the trap...I'll make you trap yourself. What? Wanna find both appearance and brain? Well...if you really can find one of them I'll say you are lucky because it is only 5%-10% of them in the world.

Now 1 thing for sure...If my family really falling apart. Those who make it happen...I will HUNT you down until the end of the world. I'll make sure you are SUFFERING more then us...I'll make sure your whole family line SUFFERING a lot. Lets see whose power are STRONGER!!! DO NOT MAKE ME SERIOUS!!! Im praying for God help...please please please dont let it happen. Just help my family...bring they suffer to me. Let me handle it alone. I hurt them a lot so let me carry their burdens on my shoulder. Dont mind over the limit...just dont make my family falling apart. If it does happen...The Hunter will rise again. NO!!! I WILL RISE AGAIN...I will take the Black Key and free the "darkside" of me. Bagus2 we live happily and all of sudden...family falling apart. DAMN!!! GO TO HELL to those make it happen...

p/s : T.T please please please nothing happen in my family. I dont want my mom hurt so much. I PRAY for God...please dont let our family falling apart. Protect my parents...my family...I dont mind if it need to exchange my life as long as they can live happily. As long as we all live happily without breaking apart. Haizzz...SUSAH LA KALO GINI...

Time To Be MOVE ON!!!

Its time to be MOVE ON!!! again....XD hehehehehe

I've been thinking too much recently...sampai rambut gugur byk...damn it...silakak betul. Cannot la like this...must stay positive...THINK WISE!!! Im still young so must always be wise...I promise myself that there will be no negative around me again. Must always stay positive and think wise...

I should have think more positively...I should have given her chance more. My instinct and my friends advices all are right. It doesnt mean I feel I miss "something" I should look for it immediately. I really dint think about the future. I just think about what I wanted and what I needed. Macam...pentingkan diri sendiri. Being selfish totally not me. Its the "evil" me. =.=" I should have fight the "other" me...After whole day of thinking...I finally able control everything and make wise decision. Because future always changes...got friends help me...got abang angkat and kakak angkat help me. I should listen to them but dun follow totally lar...XD hehehehe

Anyway Thanks to all my friends...especially those who give me advicesss...hohoho Thank you...I will love her until the end...XD The End bukan mati ar...diao...too early...XD hehehehe

Okay that's all...dun wan type much...XD hehehehehehehe

It's just so COMPLICATED...

Haaah~~ Its so complicated...

All this time...I've been thinking...Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Its just...well...CONFUSING!!! >.< sigh~~~ Its not only about my life...Its also about my GF...I really dont know how to say this...Its something like...=.=" not that I no longer have feeling on her...its ME...Im the problem...I never feel like this before...Its like I wanted more...Im not saying that Im flower heart or not. Its just I wanted someone that...really really really can make my life better. Make me feel happier everyday. Even though Im quite happy with my GF right now but...I still feel something is missing in my life. Something that I always wanted...I been trying to fight this feeling...this attitude...but...Its just so hard. Im SO DAMN HEADACHE about this. I feel like I wanna scream so so so much but...I end up writing in this blog. All I can do is playing games...to lose focus about something I wanted. But every time I go out...I lost control of myself. That "something" keep coming back. I have this attitude that I must get what I wanted even it takes very long time. Haizz..

I guess I have to stick with my GF for a while...but...AARRGGHH!!! I hope my GF can give me something...something that can fill up my "missing" thing. If not...I will end up finding someone else that really can fulfill the COMPLETE ME...Even though I have GF...but...All the pieces in my heart still not come back. The crack havent heal. The pain havent been endure. I try my best oledi. This is my BIGGEST weakness...how strong I am to fight bad people...once my "heart" being strike...I immediately fall. Yea...Im strong in physical and mental sometimes but my heart always weak. God Is FAIR...we all got our own advantages and disadvantages. But having a weak heart is totally unacceptable. >.< HAIZ!!!

I think thats all lar...

p/s : I cant change myself loving chinese people...especially chinese girls. Its how I grow up since small...haizz...being around with chinese friends make me to flirt chinese girls...I always wanted to have chinese GF but...I always rejected. Now I have GF but not chinese...I think I been desperate and make the decision so fast. Haizz...I cant do anything about it right now. All I can do is PRAY...

My Feelingsss...

Aaaahh~~ Its been so long I dint update my blog. Hehehe...=p

Hmmm...well...many many many things did happen on me. Some are good and some are bad too. Balance...^^ hehehe anyway Im not going to share about bad things happen on me because I promise myself I wont think about negative stuffs again. If not I will be control by those thoughts...well anyway...Im going to share good things. XD hehehehe

Well...Im not pretty sure myself yet because its been hard for me. hahaha...Its really hard to explain. Since I was small I was sent to chinese school by my parents. I learn every chinese people do but its really hard to get some of their respect sometimes. Even own race also hard to get it. I usually like to chase chinese girls...I like to see the way their wearing their clothes, their hairstyle, and their way of living and thinking. Its totally different from other races. When it comes to business and money...they totally serious about it and know how to manage everything slowly. Not like other races...most of them like instant without any hardworking. Everytimes asking something for free. So sad...own races to think like that? Its totally stupid...I been friends with chinese people and none of them think like other people. None of them think that...there is something is free. I really like the way their thinking. I believe there is no such thing about "FREE" in this world except God creation...light, water, and most valuable...EARTH. Our very own planet...but sadly most people out there crazy about power and expanding their territory. Sad sad...such simple minded.

But...^^ not all other races have stupid way of thinking. hahaha...so no offend. We all humans...it just...very seldom I meet other races than chinese people have different way of thinking. I usually ignore people who have bad way of thinking. Its totally not for me. Im not going to waste my life living with stupid people. Chances??? Oh yea...sure...IF THEY CHANGE!!! Lolz...come on...I give so many chances but they always blow it. I even try to help but they dint listen. The attitude of always being right is totally extreme STUPID!!! =.=" what am I gonna do about it? Let my mind get infected by them? Lolz...no way ho zay...its a fool to friend a fool. Let them fool themselves rather then you become one of them.

So what Im trying to say is that Im...quite...interested...with...chinese people...especially girls....XD hehehehe...BUT!!!...at the end I get Dusun girlfriend...hahahahahaha...XD well...its really hard to find someone who really love and care about you. =_= its hard...ok? You girls wont understand it. We boys totally suffering to find those who really suits us. Im not even sure my girlfriend now is totally suits me or not. Im not sure how long we be able to be together. One thing that I scared I dun love her in the future...What will her feeling be if I left her? >.< until now Im still trying NOT to like other girls...especially chinese girls. Because since small I oledi one of them even though my blood is DUSUN but I BELIEVE myself that I am ONE of THEM. IM CHINESE IN MY HEART!!! That is my believe...YES IM CHINESE. If people ask me...I will say Im MIX DUSUN. XD hehehehe...Dusun By Blood, Chinese By Heart. What? Call me crazy ar? Then what about those who married? Chinese married malay? Chinese married dusun/kadazan? Chinese married...erm any lar...Arent they also stupid if you call me stupid? Lolz...

If some people says they are mix even though they are pure in non-chinese...i always respect them. Why? The way their thinking is POSITIVE. That's why...I know why Im not able to flirt chinese girls...it is because their way of thinking is totally upgrade. Im still me...slowly upgrading. I admit Im a slow learner but someday I can think more better than chinese people. IF Im not lazy of coz...Hahahahaha...Laziness always break my strong will. Lolz...XD But Im happy to have Dusun girlfriend now...well...=.= her thinking much more different than other girls I try to flirt. Most important that she's totally HONEST and UNDERSTANDING. But...the only thing Im worried is I would fall in love to chinese girls...My heart still got a bit pain about my past relationship. Its like a challenge to me...I promise myself I will marry to chinese girl someday but who knows...future always change in any situation. I love my GF now...but...Im still interested in chinese girls...because...I feel something missing in my heart. I really dont know what it is...I dun want to hurt my GF. I did say to her I love her always...but...AAARRRGGGHHH IM SO FRUSTRATED!!! Its not that we not suits to each other...its just about ME. I LIKE CHINESE PEOPLE!!! I wanted my GF to change me. To LOVE her more everyday...I try my best to maintain our relationship but there always something missing in my heart and I dun know what it is. I wish my GF know what to do about it. >.< Im totally confused and HEART PAIN!!! I really dun know what to do...

AARRRGGHHH...Got girlfriend or No girlfriend also headache. DAMN!!! hmmmmm...Nevermind...I BELIEVE my girlfriend can take care of it. I BELIEVE she can change me. I REALLY hope so...>.< if not Im gonna end up hurting her in the future. HIYOOO...I dun want this to happen in the future. I did found some chinese girls that I interested but...I cant do that. Im not gonna cheat my girlfriend at her back. BUT....AAARRRGGHHH...want crazy liao arrr...sap pai...=.="

Thanks for reading...

Drop some advicessss PLEASE!!!

dosta Bored & HOT Day desu ka~~

UUUuuuuwaaahhh...today totally bored desu~~ >.< want do something but lazy. LoLz hahaha...totally useless eh me. =.=" Today also HOT...aarrgghhh...HOT nia!!! Want go out also feel like...=.=" "look up in the sky...wah so damn bright and HOT oowhh~~" then go back inside and watch tv and surfing. Haiyooo...Nan desu ka??? >.<

Damn the weather totally make me so so so damn lazy nowaday...well at least Im manage to stand up and cook for dinner. Hahahaha...=.= at least I got something to do automatically. Then now so bored I decide to write new post on my blog. Its totally nothing actually. Just killing my time...hahahaha BORED BAH!!! Haiyooo...

Want become crazy liao bored like hell...=.= want go out also no one pei pei me...T.T so lonely desu~~~ oh well...just be patient. WAhahahahahhahaha...Haiz movie also crap crap one. =.=" nothing can attract me...isk~~ why like that ar~~ all nice nice movie next month baru got~~~ BORED DESU~~~ T.T uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh

Actually I was planning to watch Gokusen Season 1, 2 and 3...But my...inter...net...totally...[S.U.C.K] =_=...totally S.L.O.W~~~ uhuhuhuhuhu want sms people also...=.=" duno who can chat chat with me...AARRRGGHHH!!! NAN DESU KA? X.X

That's all lar~~ TO TAL LI BOR~~~ED~~~ Desu~~~

P/S: Sorry for my bad japanese language...XD still NOOB bah me...teach me lar. XD I want learn but...=.= not enough money. Hahaha

Bitter Virgin

I read this manga yesterday and today...and I learn a lot about this comic. About love, the value of life, appreciation, sadness, happiness, n etc. Many I learn from reading it. What's suprised me is my own tears dropping down on my cheek. Hahaha...I cant believe this manga could effect me. But Im not sure what other people think about this manga. The story quite interesting you know. It teaches us a lot...^^ Well whatever you think is...I hope its not in negative way. Hahaha

Well...lets see. This story is about a girl who got raped by her step father when she was in middle junior school or middle school. She got pregnant for one time and get an abortion. Then after her recovery from abortion...her step father keep doing on the same thing on her and she got pregnant again. This time she give birth a baby boy and got adoption by other parents. She's been suffering about her past and it makes her fear to all men. (Uuuuiii...not all men same lohh...=.=") Okay continue...XD hehehe...Every men that touches and try to get near her, she will scream and get scared until not able to move. But only one guy she dint scared because the guy admit that he totally not interested to the this girl until he find out her secret in abandon church which he accidently become Father in that church. The girl come to the church to make confession. She feels guilty about the child she gave birth because she not able to take care of the child. Well...she think she's not a good mother to the child. I stop the story here...If you wanna know more about it. Try go onemanga.com and find the manga...it is called "Bitter Virgin"

What's interest me about this story is that...we must appreciate everything that come ahead of us soon. We must face everything without fear. Dont make our pasts eat us up. Dont make our pasts control us. If not we stuck in the past time and wont be able to move on. Also...I would really wanna know how to solve this kind of things if I face it someday. It must be tough to face it in real life...I ask myself sometimes. What will I do if I face this kind of girl? How do I solve it? I have a feeling that some people might say "dont waste your time and energy in this kind of things"..."dun let it bother u so much"...some even might scold "you stupid or what?" so many conclusion comes up without even think how to solve it. I do believe most people might avoid this kind of things. Running away from complicated things but for me...its a way of life. Its a lesson where we must face it...We all duno what will happen in our future but we can manage it. It gives me headache sometimes if I really face this but...come to think of it in positive way. Its a question of HOW & WHAT. How will you face it? Either positive or negative? What will you do? Damn...im so excited about this. XD hehehehe...its a challenge. Although I really do hate being challenge but if it can teaches me a lot about value of life. Why not right? Its what I want and need. Knowing so much is not a crime either. Hehehe...

If anyone read this manga before...please share your opinions and your point of view. In negative and positive way...I dun mind. Just share...Hehehe if I think in negative way...Hmmm...=.=" I also have no idea because...all I think is HOW and WHAT. hehehehe...XD But one thing is I really wanna face and know much more about this kind of girls...I wanna know how their really feel...How they face it? It must be super extreme tough to face it I think. Well...we men doesnt know much about girls. We never understand what you all thinking anyway. Hahaha...we just able to understand our own. I really 100% dun believe if I heard a guy say he know everything about girls. Thats because I never meet a couple that 100% dun have stress within them. Macam mana pun...tetap sakit kepala. Hahahaha....XD

Recently I read newspaper so many rape cases...I always wondering how do they face it? Will they still able to continue their normal life? Will they be still accepted as who they are before the incident? So many questions unanswered...well I do understand because its not good to stay close other people business right? Most will say "None Of Your Business"..."Stay Away"..."Who do you think you are?" and etc. I have to accept that in positive way...must stay wise and understand their feelings. Always ask yourself why did they act like that? It must be hard for them...

Totally interesting story...^^" hehehe sorry I just like to know more about the value of life. I just wanted to understand everything I could. No offense...^^ Thanks for reading this post. I hope you all read the comic...

P/S: Who says comic dint teach anything? Lolz...

Funny Japanese Games & Shows

I laugh watching all this videos...lolz...my stomach almost explode...