Today at 9.30pm until 11.30pm I stay at the beach tanjung aru to calm my feelings...I shouldnt get myself into all this mess. I feel so guilty now...but Im glad to be able to calm myself in such a short period time. Lolz Im so embarresing when all people look at me sitting down alone in the beach. Im totally feel guilty oh!!! IM SO SUFFERING!!! Why this things happen on me ar~~~ Why did I fall in love with her ar??? WHY HER??? GOD!!! Answer me!!! I just pray for your protection, her safety n happiness. Even I wanted them to break up but I feel guilty if it happens. Macam sumpah diorang to break up. I pray for her good...bukan pray so that I fall in love with her~~ Hiyooo...Now I deeply in love with her but she got BF. Even they really break up...How can I express my feelings to her??? How can I convince her that my feelings are real??? AAARGGHH!!!...Im still so young...I still not enough experiences to face all this. I dont dare to ask my friends because I scared they advices dun suits me at all. Sekarang sakit hati gao gao...I cant control myself anymore. I cant control my feelings anymore. I duno why...I also explode oledi. Haiz...OH GOD PLEASE HELP AND GUIDE ME!!! I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP NOW!!! T.T uhuhuhuhuh...I cant stop crying...I feel totally guilty the actions I make. I need someone~~~ T.T Please...anyone??? uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh....
P/s : Beach Tanjung Aru and Taman Teluk Insan Likas...these to place is a good place to calm my mind. Anyone who having hard time contacting me...I always there. I cant tell everything right now...Im totally SUFFERING and IN PAIN...Im totally CONFUSED about everything. All I wanted now is to stay beside the girl I LOVE...I really do...but...I have no guts. Im phobia oledi...T.T This blog the only very close friend I had. He listen everything I write here...AARRGGHHH I truely nid someone arrr~~~ T.T uhuhuhuhuhuhuh GOD HELP ME!!!
P/S : Sorry to all my friends...I wanted to be alone for a while. I cant think very straight and carefully now. If u wan find me...there are 2 places I go. Good Luck everyone...Be Happy oh. ^^
I must stay calm now...I never thought I fall in love for her at bad situations. Well...its her bad situations. I cant believe this is happening on me. I never thought fall in love are more painful then break up. Its so painful when you cant express your feeling. I been thinking if I express it now...What will you do? What will happen then? Can we still be like the way we used to be? Damn...Im been acting crazy because of this. I just...well...its not totally the same feeling I had with my ex-GF. I never love someone more then my ex-GF. You are the only one can replace her in my heart. But I scared you might run off and we never be able to be like the way we used to be right now. We are like very close friend now. If I express my feeling to you...Im scared things get worst. Im scared you cant take it because it is so sudden. You probably suprised how I can be like this? But...cant you feel anything? I'll be there for you always so that I can stay together with you. Trying to make you happy...All those things I done for you because I LOVE you...but its so sudden Im scared you might stay away from me. I understand now why my ex-GF used to say she like me better last time before I flirt her. Im being so annoying right now. Im so sorry...Im truely sorry. I shouldnt push you so hard. Its just I dun wan to see you sad and disappointed. Please be strong...I ask God to take away all your burden and let me carry it all alone.
Dear Raymie...I wish you have better life right now. I pray for your safety and happiness. I hope you would go out with me as a very close friend next time. You seems to be...well...rejected me. I can understand that because of the situation you're in now is not in good shape. I wish I could do something with it but...I mustn't. Even your mum dun wan to get involve in your relationship. To tell you the truth Im very happy when I heard you wanted to break up with your BF last time. But when I think carefully...Im not suppose to be happy at all because...you actually trust your BF that day shows you that you still love him. You last long until this moment...Please Raymie...dont be like this...dont leave me. We just been together for half a year. I dont want to lose a friend like you. You're the only one I got now. You're the only one I truely TRUST...I never trust other girls like I trust you because its how they treated me. You treated me good even you have BF...you never cheat but you're being said you cheat. So cham oo u...so innocent but BF din trust you. Now he yang treat you so bad...cheat on your back. But you still love and trust him. You protect him so much. Im so jealous of him right now...I cant believe a girl like you being treated so bad. I really do wish I could have a GF like you. Now actually I was trying to say I LOVE you by helping you. I sacrifice my time for you. Even my friends try to bring me go out...I rejected them because I wanted to stay with you. If can I wanted to see you everyday but...its totally annoying. I macam orang gila yang selalu want be with the girl he LOVE. Maybe this is why my ex-GF break up with me because I just cant let her go so easily until you came and knock my door. You found the key in my heart but you open my door just as close friend. Im so happy to have a friend like you, Raymie. I really do...I also hope you visit my blog and know all about me. I cant express it in front of you because it is so sudden right? At the same time you have problems with your relationship. People do crazy things when they're in LOVE.
Dear Raymie...please...dont go...I LOVE YOU. I dont want to lose you. All I need from you is your TRUST. Even you not love me...I will at least try my best to make you happy. Honest Happiness not acting one. I miss your smile when we 1st have our yam cha in Easy Way, Lintas. I will never forget about that beautiful day. That day you truely have your honest sweet smile. But now...you been acting so weird. I sad to see your smile like this...not rili honest one. Many girls out there so jealous about you and hurts you so much. But you still have many many friends that still CARE about you. I really want to carry your burdens...I dun mind at all. Just share with me...let it go. Dont put everything inside your heart. Im in deeply pain because you did that. We got same in common actually but I never thought your burdens are much more heavier then mine. Because of you...I'll be able to let go my past relationship. You are the only one that bright my room...and now you're in trouble I shall be your ANGEL and light up your room. You have live in so much pain and suffering world. Let me hold the key to your heart. Let me the one bright up ur day...even we just end up close friend. I dun mind helping you because I LOVE YOU. Dont be suprised k? I also suprised that I fall in LOVE with you. I just too confused n not being "rasional" at all. Actually I do have feeling on you at 1st sight but I just cant believe after half a year being close friend. I fall in LOVE with you...Its just I duno how to convince you to believe my LOVE is real or not. I always thought you could see inside me because you have that ability. I do agree your BF now is a good person but...he dint treat u good all those months you're together with him. Please stop this...you deserves better then he is. If he truely love you...why he still going out with his k-moi? Said he was drunk n this n that. It just an excuses you know. He would never do this if he really really love you but you're blind because you love him too. I just stay behind you watching you caring so much to the wrong guy. I cant do anything about it because you might think I try to snatch you away. Actually I wanted to but will my actions make you happy? No right? so...I just stay silent and support you from the back. I dun mind suffering in pain n hurt while watching you still care to the wrong guy.
Well...whatever it is...Please go out with me...I just wanted to bring you someplace that you might never go before. I wanna walk the path that you are walking now...I wanted to be by your side to make you happy. Dont worry how your BF might think...he treat you so bad...he deserves it. We just go out as a close friend. Lets gai gai lar...^^" Please accept my invitation...
I totally LOVE this song!!! It gives me strength to continue find my true love. Oh YEA!!! XD hehehe I also love this song because of the rhythm & beats. Very meaningful lyrics but I do hope It works in flirting. Because I really cant express my feeling by saying the words "I Love You". I dont have the guts to do it...I really wish I could say it with all my heart to the person I love. But tertelan itu words...and terpaksa use song or music that related with saying "I Love You". And I found it...This song is SUITABLE!!!! I must use it for back up...I have to change and use my own mouth to say the 3 magical words...AARRRGGHH I cant believe Im into this thing again. Damn...I fall in love again and I duno what to do about it. Damn it...I truely need guide. >.< How to express it? How to let it out? I dun mind kena reject anymore...I must face this fear once and for all for my own good. I must try...I have to try no matter what. I mustn't give up...It been half a year I been together with her and I fall in love for her. AAARRRGHHH SOMEONE!!! GOD!!! Help me!!! Guide me!!! PLEASE!!! I help people but sendiri cant solve it.....>.< Haizz...I dont want to choose to be silent anymore. I must express my feeling to her but HOW??? I must think wisely what will be her reaction after I said the 3 magical words. I dont want to hurt her...I dont want to make her feel confused...I dont mind she rejected me...but how do I convince her that I really really really honest with my feeling??? Im scared she thinks that I only play play around...joking around. She is...well...in complicated things right now but...how do I convince her? and what will happen after I express my feeling? Will we be together like we used to be again? Will I be treated good like before? Im scared to get totally ignored after I express my feeling. I also duno how she feel about me...only friend? brother and sister? Not sure...
I want something like...after I express my feeling. Even she rejected me...we will still be like the way we used to be. Like very close friend...more than close friend but not couple type because kena reject ma...Haizz...totally confused. I totally scared...Fuh fuh fuh...tarik nafas...fuh fuh...relax~~ relax~~ must stay calm~~ Nevermind...I'll find a way to express my feeling. I will never give up. I will stay by her side so that I know her very well. She need help and guide. I must heal her soul and heart 1st before express my feeling. Make her happy and always stay in good condition.
P/s : To the girl I LOVE...If you read this post. This song is for you. ^^ Dont think too much 1st. Dont give the answer 1st. Think carefully...I will be your side and listen to EVERY problems you have. I will help you solve it. I will protect you no matter what. No matter what happen I will accept you as who you are. I also need guide from you. We all need guide. I will never give up. Im not crazy...Im serious. You know something.
When You hurt...Im hurt too. When I hear your sad voice...I sad & cry. When You have problems...I cant sleep well becoz I think how to solve it. When You need help...Im panic and think how to help You. When I feel something bad might happen to You...I'll pray so hard. When I heard many people chase You...Im sad & hurt. When the time I feel down...You were there to cheer me up. When the time I give up on something...You were there to light me up.
So...There's no way I just sit down and listen to your problems without doing anything about it. Things must be solve as fast as possible. I will HELP you. Even you reject me when I express my feeling. Even we just end up being friend. I'll still dont want to lose you. You the very BEST & CLOSE female friend I ever had now. You're the only one that really treat me so good. Im not suprise every friends you had all protect and love you so much. But Im a little jealous about it. Hehehe...I hope things will change. I hope time will heal you.
Please...If you need help. I will be there for you. I will help you no matter what. As a friend now...I want you to be happy. You all bones now...you dint sleep well...you dint eat well. We all WORRY about you. We all cry because of you. My heart very painful to see you like this. Please dont be like this. We beg you. Please come back to your old happy self again. I want to see you very honest sweet smile. I'll never see you happy before. You just smile like nothing happen but...you eyes tells me everything but I just silent. Next time I'll said it out loud. I'll let you know that I truely very WORRY about it. I CARE for you.
If You really and truely TRUST me...take my hand. Lets walk to the place where the star shine the land together. Lets walk under the moon light that light our path in the dark. Lets walk under the sun that give us strength and happiness together. Lets carry all the burden on our shoulder together. Please...dont hide anymore. TRUST me...Im HERE for You. I will bright up the light in your deepest and darkest part in your heart. I will free your soul from suffering so much. I dont want to see you hurt like this anymore because it hurts me too. Please...come out and take my hand. Get out from the darkest world you are in now. Lets together walk to the shining light upon us. Please...TRUST me and take my hand.
Haiz...recently there are so many things happening around me. Some of my friends in trouble in relationship. So hard to settle...but I dun mind because I might learn something from it. The more I learn the more better in future where I know how to take care...well...whoever my special girlfriend is. To tell the truth I already give it up about this relationship things. I just go with my single life even it hurts me sometimes with jealousy. Even I found any girl I interested but it still cant make me happy like last time. Some say Im a great guy, this n that. Well...its not true actually. Im not that great...Im not those guys out there who know very well in relationship. Even I hope I find "replacement" for my heart. Im worried Im not be able to take care of her in the future. Come one...useless and lazy guy like me to have a girlfriend? That's why...its so hard for me now.
But Im happy to help all my friends and my new friends. Im glad their relationship dint end up rotten. It hurts me most of the time everytime I get into these situations but I dun care. If I say I'll help...I will help. Please dont try to stop me...It will even HURT me most. But not all the problem I can solve...because some end up break up relationship. Im quite disappointed and sad because of my failure but hey...Im human...Im not perfect. I do whatever I can do...I'll help whenever I can until the end. I will not stop helping...so please dun try to stop me because you worry about me. I do the best I can...the result is in your hands. Not me...Im just a 3rd party and help discuss peacefully. I'll ask straight questions...if you dun like it you have to accept it because its better to face it now rather then in the future.
Now Im so suffering because I was too jealous about those relationship. I never had those before. I really wanna feel it again. It is nice to have a partner to talk everything in your mind rather then keep it in your heart. But im usually will said "nothing...dun worry about me". Its because I dun wan you guys to suffer like me just to help me. I done so many bad things already. Let me suffer and take the punishment. Let me learn and guide myself so that I can be independent next time. But I still need help...to calm me mind...to calm my heart...to calm my suffering. I want someone who REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY understand me without telling my problems. Im a quiet guy so...=.=" ndak heran most of the girls I dated feel bored about me. Well...at least Im a good listener now. ^^ hehehe...
I even pray for all my friends to have better life...if girls I usually pray for their safety from anything bad happen. Well...I dun wan something in return. Im just glad to help. Its better to do some good deeds right...^^ sometimes it makes you happy even a while. Hehehehe...Hmmm...what else...Oh...I guess its nothing special now...I just wanted to write about this because well...this blog is my diary and also my life line. What's been going on about my life? something like that. But sorry there's no moral in it. It just my feeling and my experiences...It makes me a bit better after I write this post. Hehehe...thanks for reading my blog. Sayonara...
dian hua li de wo shi bu shi hen zhuo an wei ni de hua bu zhi gai zen me shuo ta zai ni de xin hua le yi dao shang kou bo kai wu yun duo fei lai wo de tian kong
ruan ruo de shuang shou huan wo lai jin wo ting ni de yao qiu he hu ni de gan shou an fu ni de xin feng he ni de shang kou you wo lai qing ting song ni wo de er duo
* You are my angel fei dao wo zuo you zai ni de yu zhou mei ke xing dou shi wo You are my angel pei ban wo zuo you jiu suan hai zhe huo lu di dou chen mo ai ni dao zui hou /
(Repeat *)
duo xi wang dao zhuan hui dao shi kong zu zhi ni men xiang yu de shi hou dai zhe ni tao tuo ji shi wo Look like a fool ye xu zhe me zuo ni jiu bu hui nan guo
(Repeat *)
This song reminds me a lot about my past relationship...It also remind me when I got rejected a lot. >.< ouch~~
Well lets see....Hmmmm What I understand about this song is there is a girl who in trouble, sad and cry. And, guess what...there's this handsome guy helping her out. Trying hard to cheer her up, make her happy and accompany her. He try very very hard to cheer her up and make her happy. Everytime accompany her...hehehe he even teach her how to play piano. (Woorr...I WANT LEARN PIANO!!! Okay back to topic...) The present he gave her really...O.o really GOOD...an Angel. He even write a song for her...maybe to make her happy more but Im not sure. What I really salute is 1 message he IMMEDIATELY find her. XD HERO! but too bad...=.=" most girls find its annoying. Haizz...duno why they dint appreciate it.
No wonder the song title is You Are My Angel...hehe but...sadly and disappointed that the girl just treat him as best friend. Saw the last part about the bracelet? Forever Friend. Aaawww damn it...1st time I saw this video I thought in the end she love him too but...well...=.=" I can understand the feeling of sadness and disappointment when you love someone but at the end up being friend forever. DAMN HURT!!!
I was in this situation A LOT...I help them out...TRYING SO HARD but not all of them appreciate it. Even a simple thank you also dont have. When I needed help...I end up stands alone. But I dun mind about that. What I really mind is that when I help someone and they forget about me. I mean like pretending not knowing me at all after all I done for them. Im a type that willing to sacrifice everything for the girl I REALLY REALLY REALLY INTERESTED with...I dun mind end up hurt as long as the girl happy. I fail once...Im not gonna fail make a girl happy ever again. I will try to help her as long as she willing to tell me her problems. Im all ears...I will listen carefully. But...even I change being Good Listener. I still dint get what I always wanted. I still cant find "replacement" that can heal my heart. Well I do find but all got boyfriend oledi. So PAIN!!! So JEALOUS!!! You know how hard to find the girl I've been searching for??? Haizz...to those guys out there who got a very very very GOOD girls and they understand you very well and accept who you are...YOU ALL SO LUCKY!!! DONT HURT THEM!!! I'll.....kill you...O.O (Use Achmed The Dead Terrorist style)...XD wehehehehe...
I dedicated this song to...those I ever help. =.=" I dun really understand the real meaning of the song but I do know this song is nice to listen and very calm. XD wehehehehehe...
Please...do send me the lyric of this song. THANKS...^^
P/s: I also dedicated this song for my ex-GF. Thanks for being with me and teach me a lot. You deserve BETTER. ^^ And Thanks for NOT forget about me. I REALLY REALLY REALLY HAPPY to see your SWEET & CUTE SMILE again last time in Internet Arena, City Mall. Well it hurts me when I saw your BF with you but...what's more important is that Im so happy to see you again. You really change a lot...You are LADY now. ^^ Keep up the good work...Good Luck with your study. ^^ Dont ever give up...O.O I'll kill you if you give up...(Use Achmed The Dead Terrorist style again) By the way nice blog and arts you got...^^ wish got people buy your arts. Hehehe Peace...^^
Ahh...its so easy. Well...for so long I've been driving. Sometimes I do become one of them but I manage to control it. Wanna know why car accidents happen? It is because of the people themselves. They think they are better driver than everyone else. Got chance sure have chance. I dont believe that actually. I believe we have to value our life every second. Every seconds count when the word "DANGER" is coming.
Today I drive and go out go to post office. Need to settle something. Know what? Everywhere I go sure got DANGER...I'll be careful also no use. Other people not. They always think they better driver. What I mean is they're not following the basic rules of the road. They never understand the word of "Becareful". Most accidents happen because of people wanna be FAST & FURIOUS. Lolz...hey dudes, this is sabah. The nasty roads ever got in the world. Even sarawak have better roads now. Sabah? What happen? Not even reach 3 months the roads all got holes. =.=" such works~~~ say what? Susah fix road? need time? Hey...tell you what. Fix it PROPERLY the way west malaysia fix their roads. That way the word "SUSAH" wont appear in your mind. Okay already out of topic.
Now continue...until where already. Aaahhh yes..."racer" type drivers. This is mostly to those who have modify their cars and also for taxi people. Im disappoint but THANKS GOD...you are FAIR. They got accidents and learn their lessons. How is it feel when to fix your car? =D Big smile for you all. Hahahaha...There is one time when I was driving alone. Thanks God I try extra extra extra careful because for all of sudden...one driver who drive fast and you know la...potong potong line then last last...BOOM...accident. Man...Am I glad to see he's accident. You should be lucky you're not dead. Lolz...Anyway whats wrong driving slow and steady? Im in slow line also need to horn? Well...the more you horn the more I drive slow. I'll teach you slow line is for people who drive slow. Not "racer" type like you...Oh what? you never had accident because your driving skills so so PROFESSIONAL? Oh please~~ you might not accident but did something bad happen on you? Please wake up...Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga. Know what the meaning of that sentence? Hahahaha...serve you right.
Okay...hmmm what else ar...many kind of actions lar. I was so angry about it but...oh well...someday they will fall too. XD God is Fair. I love this...someday they will get their "present". XD hohoho if you die because of car accidents...I got no comments. =.=" maybe you do too many bad things sampai equal to your dead. But...dont bring innocence people with you. They dont deserve it.
That's all I wanna share...Thanks for reading it. ^^
Aaaarrrrrggghhhh!!!! HHHUUUURRAAAHHH!!! Its good to be back!!! IM...R.E.C.O.V.E.R!!!....uhuk uhuk...well not that much. Hahaha...At least I no longer suffer from heavy fever and coughing. Thanks to my Aunt that gave me antibiotics...=.=" it is truely strong medicine. Hehehehe...anyway Im glad to have my normal strength back although Im still bit sensitive to cold wind. I catch cold pretty easy for it. Oww~~ I hate sick but its the only way I could throw away my sweatsss~~~ Aahhh nevermind...I must training back but this rainy days really pissed me off sometimes...=.=" how the hell Im gonna go jogging if its keep raining after 5pm. Lolz...Oh well.
Hmmm...well recently...nothing bad or good happens. AH YES!!! There is something...a LETTER. It was written 5 years ago and...well...I think I disappointed the girl. I dint reply her actually. I wanted to reply now but...come one...5 years ago...impossible she could remember me anyway and probably she already back to her home town. The address she gave me is 5 years ago too where she still study in selangor. I was so so so suprised when I saw the letter. She was expecting me to reply her but I turn her down. Damn Im totally stupid and useless. I wanted to reply her and...well...if have any chance I just want to talk to her. I keep her letter for memory. ^^ Well I do hope and wish I bump into her. This kind of mystery really excite me sometimes. XD hehehehe...I wish I really really really bump into her. I dont care how she looks like as long as I able to know who is she. She called herself as Baby_Blue or Baby_Bule...=.=" cant remember much. Its written in her letter. I do remember I chat with her before but...I cant believe I just found her letter after 5 years. =.=" someone and somehow there are people who hold my letters. Everything about my privates always like...being control and...dibongkar. I HATE IT!!! Anyway back to story...She called herself as Baby_Blue and her real name is Mei Yee or A-Mei from sandakan. Oooookay~~ Thats quite near but...her address was show in selangor where she still studied 5 years ago. Damn!!! Where is this girl...XD hehehe...If I wanted to find her I have to go her university and find all about her but...where can I get such info and no way the people in that university going to help me anyway. It might happen like this..."OUTSIDER!!! Kick HIM!!!..." ooouchh~~ that totally embarrassing...Oh yea...her university full name is University Putrajaya Malaysia. O_O I REALLY WANT TO FIND THIS GIRL. Well...maybe she's the one for me. XD hehehehe Damn Im a BIG JERK for not replying her. She probably have boyfriend now or even married already.
Hmmm...so...do I need to find her or not leh~? Haiz...well...let God settle it. If got "jodoh" then we meet...if not...then wish her happy and good luck. ^^ hehe I guess this is 3rd chances I lost. The 1st one turn out to be disappointment...well its my fault anyway. I never blame her...I did before but when I think it clearly...everything my fault. >.< 2nd one is...well...Im almost wish the girl broke up with her boyfriend but I cant. Im not some of those people out there who like to break other people relationship to earn own benefits. Lolz...its totally against my promises. 3rd one is this one....=.=" the letter. Come on...what chances I have for a letter that wrote 5 years ago. No way the girl still single...=.=" She probably married already anyway. Okay...that's all I wanted to share for now. Hope you readers enjoy it.
P/s : This blog actually nothing special yet...Its all about what I've been through now. Just wait the time...= =+ I will RISE!!! I will SHINE!!! I will have everything that I lost...oh wait...not everything. I cant break up people relationship. Lolz...dont misunderstanding. XD hehehehe I mean I will come back as.....erm.....as....err.....you know....erm.....come back as.............what I wanted to be. Okay Bubye~ XD
