My Life, My World, My Fantasy

Donation Button Added

2012-02-14T09:23:00.000+08:00

I have add my donation button. The reason im doing this is that...I need HELP to clear my debts. Once Im done with my debts. I still would need HELP for my 3D graphic design computer and the expensive InteriCAD 7000 software. Those things are so damn expensive. No wonder 3D things are expensive. Anyway...I hope there are people out there who WILLING to help me with my problems. Well let me tell you all the reasons im doing this kind of things.

1) Im a COOK specialize in Western Foods & Chinese Dim Sum. So I know well how to design a kitchen for western foods or chinese dim sum. I could even combine both method into one but this would eat a lot of spaces.

2) Im very interested in 3D graphic design. It may sound crazy but hey why not right? I watch the show called "Restaurant Makeover"...they can do it so am I. I could design a whole restaurant. KopiTiam with dinning feeling, Cafe that feels like a pub, Cafe with certain theme, and etc. The only problem is i still dont know how to make proper budget for each designs. Because everything economic...people want cheap stuffs. I cant just make like $10000 for Cafe that looks like a club. Most of the items are custom made. Know what I mean?

3) 3D graphic design is the TREND now. In the future everything would be 3D. Most of the movies are in 3D graphics. Some movies are remake to make it in HD 3D. Thats easy all you need is do some rendering then your old movies become 3D. You know render farm right?

4) It may sounds that Im doing this for myself but the truth is...Im having hard time to look a better job out there because of my qualification. I know I could go work in cafes & hotels. In my country...the salary all damn low and it takes almost 2 years to become FULL TIME in hotels. Means that you starts as part time permanent with a salary of RM450 @ $150 a month. COME ONE seriously? Working hard for 9 hours and only gets that amount? Thats insane. I have a beautiful daughter to take care. My family have huge debts on waist too. How am I going to help?

5) IF I cant be 3D artist. At least people around the world be so kind to donate me some modal for my own cafe with a theme. Im not going to tell my theme because I dont want other people to do it before me. In my country....NO cafes, restaurants or hotels that have a theme. Everything about delicious foods, good feelings, and etc. I can do better than that.

There are more but....im almost late to go to work in computer shop. Computer Shop? Yes. Im a computer technician in training. I still need to know more about this technology. Also BIG THANKS to my senior. He taught me a lot without anything in return. He even tells me some tips. XD hehehe

Well then thats it. Thanks for taking your time to read my posts in this blog. I do have other blogs. Feel free to steps inside and look around. =) May God Bless You.

I feel so DOWN...

2012-02-07T21:00:00.002+08:00

I feel so down these days because of a "GUY A" who i NEVER ask help before keep telling me for pay back because he thought he helped me. Actually the "GUY B" the one who struggle to helped me get 1 item from USA. This "GUY B" who helped me only ask this "GUY A" for transportation. I dint know this "GUY B" dont have transport until he told me. Well this "GUY A" only know about what happen between this "GUY B" and me that day when this "GUY B" want to deliver the item to me. For REAL...if "GUY B" want me to help him and ask for something return, I would love to because he helped me. BUT WHY THE HELL THIS FUCKING "GUY A" WANT A FUCKING PETROL FEE? WTF....taking advantages on me! I even charge me 1 dozen of egg tarts per day if i dont repay his so fucking called "debt". I NEVER ASK YOUR FUCKING HELP DUDE! I only ask help from "GUY B"! If he want help from me...I will not hesitate and help him back. Even you could say "Im just playing". DUDE! Thats FUCKING ANNOYING when people keep telling me for dozens of egg tarts everyday? You SHOULD know and UNDERSTAND every person in this world have their patient LIMIT! DUDE! PLEASE! YOU ARE 30 YEARS OLD! YOU SHOULD BE MORE UNDERSTAND ABOUT US WHO YOUNGER THAN YOU AND YET YOU ACTING LIKE "AH LONG" aka "LOAN SHARK"? I ALREADY REACH MY LIMIT DUDE! YOU ONLY GOT 3 DAYS TO STOP DOING THAT OR I WILL MAKE A POLICE REPORT FOR THREATENING ME! I DONT FUCKING CARE YOU GOT HELP ME OR NOT! YOU ALREADY OUT FROM MY FRIEND LIST FOR ACTING LIKE THIS! ITS "GUY B" THE ONE WHO HELP ME NOT YOU! 3 DAYS! STOP OR POLICE REPORT!

Uuuuuurrrggghhh! I want to do something right but always ends up doing something wrong. I just want PEACE but WHY THE HELL PEOPLE LIKE TO BULLY ME? Because im small? Because im young? Because im stupid? IM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO SETTLE THING VIOLENTLY! I COULD DO THE HARD WAY! I COULD EVEN DO THE EVIL WAY! Which do you prefer? I will definitely choose the EVIL WAY to teach you more lessons.

Dear God, Help me. I DONT want things end up badly. I WANT PEACE. Thats all I want. I DONT want war. I DONT want to lose another friend but sometimes "friend" is the one who always backstab another friend because "this kind of friend" always have chances to hit our back without even notice.

Sigh~ Im trying so hard already. I keep telling myself DONT do either choices. All I want is just let it go but I cant. Seriously who can hold on that everyday being ask for debts and "GUY A" even act like "AH LONG" aka "LOAN SHARK"? Im tired man...even I pay for it. I know well about "AH LONG" aka "LOAN SHARK" people. They will keep coming even debts are settle. Thats HOW they keep their "RICH" title.

Lets Build UP Network

2012-02-01T00:33:00.000+08:00

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Score A i-teacher is a MLM scheme

2012-01-29T00:25:00.000+08:00

Well guys....i found out that this Score A i-teaher is a MLM scheme. kinda disappoint me because I already use my own RM900 to join membership and the membership only last 6 months. I also found out that...kids that facing computer would only make them kena radiation too much. bad for health. I guess real life teacher always the best. There is no technology that can defeat real life experiences because technology is a system and experiences are understanding about mistakes. And I shouldve know that technology is not always good for us. I know computer can be use for work but for kids. They still dont understand. Some might be able to be taught about computer that computer is full of varieties use but if too much also can cause radiation. Like me for example....the most long term i able to face computers only 8 hours. Last time i could face it almost 24/7. Now its make me sleepier faster.

Im not saying this Score A program is not good. It is good but not all children would think computer is for study. Most will think about fun. Most kids does. Kids = Fun. Get it? XD hehehehehe....well yeah. It hurts me so much. My RM900 fly just like that. I shouldve think deeper n do more research about this program. But I will never say im fail in this business. There ARE some other business Im doing which is Home Base Business. Yeah....Im writing blog, selling pictures that I've taken, and etc etc. Yeah...my advice would be dont focus only one business. The key of success always stays patient. What we do must always stays calm and cleared mind. Thats what Rich Dad Poor Dad taught me. aaahhh man...I always forgot his way of business. Anyway im NOT telling people about this Score A is not good. So reconsider what i say here. For the program like Q&A. yeah its GOOD but in terms of business like selling this program to other people. Only one question....what goods for their children? Its good to have result about straight A's but the radiation from computer? What will effect them?

How I found out this program is MLM scheme? Reading forums, experiences from ex-member of Score A, most people still consider real life teacher, facing computer too much will only make people mind stuck coz of too much radiation...But Im just starting this business. I will try my best to introduce and convince people to buy this program. Like I said....this program can be paid RM40-RM50 MONTHLY (NOT join member...join membership is FREAKING EXPENSIVE...I also wonder why i join it). And yeah actually I hope I could sell this products. I dont mind to lose all RM900 because Its my MISTAKE to join it in the 1st place without researching everything. Now that I found out most infos. DAMN....too late. I could just watch my RM900 fly away. =.=" Better I use that money to buy New 1TB HDD and 60GB SSD. Make my computer complete then stick to my own plans. WAY BETTER....just put more effort then everything settled. Well still need some backups. XD hehe

Alright....until here only.

P/S: Reminder....Score A is NOT a bad program. Its GOOD. But different people have different point of view. Reconsider my points n just think of positive way. BUT if you willing to know what it is really and want to buy this product for a try? Contact me. =P It would make me more happier. hohoho coz for once I succeed selling stuffs from MLM system. Were ex-member of Amway & Elken before but im a bad seller. T.T

Thank You for taking your time reading my blogs. PEACE =)

My Mistakes Or My Chances

2012-01-24T17:42:00.000+08:00

I made a lot of mistakes lately...but to buy new computer? I've been dying to have new computer so its worth it. Its suppose to be RM4000 below but I cut down until RM3000 so that means a computer cost about RM3000 without monitor and harddisk inside. But i found out that I really do need new harddisk because my computer specification not compatible with my OLD harddisk. But that does not matter. Whats matter is the mistakes about i choose to join a program called "Score A i-teacher" without even second thought. All i think now is how to earn money...where should I work? Which work would give me RM1200 above after all the cuts like EPF and etc. The person who intro me this program already earn a lot and I wanna be like him. Even for just a year I join this program. But the problem is the membership fee. It is cost about RM2488 Yearly. I DONT HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY! But I wanna do it. So the guy who intro me this program give me another package which is only cost RM900. Well I still dont have that kind of money. The guy said to me that he will help me pay for the fee for a while but must pay him back this 25th Jan. I do have the money but once I pay him back. I dont have any back up money left. I ask my parents to help me before but....due to the situation now. I could only say one word "SIGH"...Even though I join this program. Who am i going to intro this program to? I wanna try to sell the products which is cost RM800 per year. Or RM40 monthly payment. YES? can monthly payment and im not lying about it. So if have computer and internet. This is program for your children. I believe every parents out there really want their children to have better result in exam. Am i right? unless your children no need study also can score straight A's. Whoever want to know this program...kindly contact me in person so that you would understand more about it. Im not asking to join this program but buy this program. It contain many information than we expected. Believe me. Im not trying to lie. I will never lie in-terms of doing business. It just making things worst. By the way this is not scam too. This is real thats why I dare to intro this program face to face. But if you're far away from my location. I will ask my upline how to sell this program through internet. I havent check everything yet because i just join this program. Anyway to tell everyone the truth...this program is totally good for our children rather than letting them play games everytime on your computer. Its better to force them to study the contain of this program. Its contain all subjects just choose which to start. I know some of you would choose real person to tuition your children. Im not gonna stop that but think of this. Have you ever notice even we all send our children to tuition. Their result still not as good as expected. Right? I know most parents out there would wondering about this. Sending our children to tuition. Waste so much tuition fee for ONLY some subjects. For example RM50 per subject. But our children result still not A's. Sad isnt it? So if wanna know about the program I join in...contact me or just pm me.

Okay let me make things easier because I know most of us dont like to read so many words.

1) I join a program called "Score A i-teacher"...if wanna know about it. Just contact me.

2) Im not asking you to join this program because I know its expensive unless you willing to do it. Because I only want to intro this program. Want to join? Want to buy the product? Just ask me.

3) I know its hard to make decision but just think about it. RM50 Per Subject? Or...RM40 For All Subjects? Think about it for your children. If me....I'll do the same for my child but she only 3 months old.

4) Not saying tuition is not good for your children. There are good but if money wise. Choose wise.

5) Anything dont understand....just put comments. ^^

PEACE! ^^

2012-01-24T17:11:00.000+08:00

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Time for some changes...

2011-10-10T16:44:00.000+08:00

Well now....to think about it. Almost over yearsss....I mean for long years I've been thinking. Hehehe I could say I've been acting...selfish. All i ever think of is something I want, not about people feeling and situations. BUT now...its time to make some changes. I realize if I only think about myself, I wont get anything in the future. Well im saying this because I want to have a business of my own. I've been thinking about it last 3 months. And I hope for miracle. XD hehehehehHuh? What? What business I've been thinking? weeeell......Im not sharing. XD heheheEnd of this title.

I wish I have RM30k~

2011-08-18T12:22:00.001+08:00

Yea....well....I wish I have own money. I mean A LOT until RM30k...why? because I want to make a career. Its TIME. Job is Just Obey Boss. Its something like working for other people. But career is different...its like working for ourselves. I do working...but for myself.

Recently I have a friend that wanted to open a cafe. He asked me about "am I interested in becoming a shareholder?"...My answer is "I do interested in becoming shareholder...and if I have a budget between RM20k-RM30k. I would support some of kitchen wares." But SADLY....I dont have any cents. For the troubles I had cause. I lost the opportunity. So I decided to work with my friend as a Head Chef. Im still hoping for a miracle to happen actually. Im not gonna give it up. Im married and still do a job? No way....I want a career. You can say im not experience enough but for a small cafe....Its easily handle. Just a simple recipes for everyone to eat as long as they all like it. Thats more than enough to earn money.

Recently we've been busy discussing all the matters. About renovation, kitchen wares, design tables & chairs, and etc etc. But for now we all focusing on kitchen because kitchen wares are SO DAMN EXPENSIVE! But at least everything is high quality n able to hold more than 5 years.

My mind full of questions, problems, n plans. Im totally dont know how to settle it down. But I decided to choose on career. Recently I've been asking for laptop n etc. This and that....bla bla bla. Well forget about that 1st. I want a career! With it...I could buy anything I need n want. Aaaarrrgghh! quite stress to think about it sometimes. Lol...but anyway...I will do my best! Miracle will happen just need to be patience. HU AH!

Sigh~ I REALLY NEED NEW LAPTOP OF MY CHOICE~ T.T

2011-08-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

Sigh~ I really need new laptop of my choice~ It is around RM2k-RM3k prices. T.T its expensive but with my BETTER CARE i could hold its lifespan until 5-10 years time. I wanted to put everything I done inside specially about Forex n business planning...well i do put some games but since im focusing Forex n business planning...I dont think I have time to play some games. But now I dont have my own laptop/desktop....I do have time to enjoy some graphic games but that doesnt matter! All i need now is a laptop of my choice and few hundreds dollars to start big investment in Forex.

About Forex....weeellll....its an OK OK (i might be beginner but i know how to earn some money) but since my modal in Forex is so small. So i earn small also. And still a lot to learn some tips n maths. I notice that Forex have something to do with maths to make world business balance so the 1997 economy crisis never happen again. So when we make CORRECT maths in Forex....it will be 99% take profits but sorry to say I still not sure which formula. Im still searching for it but what im telling here its true. U could do some research if u dont believe me. Recently I have friends that truely share their experiences in Forex. Sharing their ideas n tips....becareful about this and that. Damn im truely appreciate it. Thank God!

About Business Planning...yeah its just normal...u know restaurant, cafe, n etc etc. Since i know very well in cooking thats the only business I know how to make if I have modals. But to make it more creative...that would need longer thoughts. My brothers know about computer which is im learning now coz im working in computer shop. So might be my 2nd choice of business. Im still thinking about others but for now im focusing to earn more experiences 1st.

Now recently I have one friend that a broker of forex for 2 years ago...he still trading anyway. He shares his ideas to us all. Im truely wanted to be part of it! Im not gonna talk what kind of ideas he has but it is truely brilliance! I dont really care if im suffer before reaching that goal as long as I put more effort into it. It will come true!

Well thats all for now....most important now is I want LAPTOP! T.T then I could join my friends trading.

Cant control my emotions

2011-06-06T10:11:00.000+08:00

Ahhh man....recently I really cant control my emotions. I am fast to get angry n hate people who dont love their life or people who dont care about other people life. But whats make so difference to them when even I cant control myself. I guess I care too much most of the time. Especially while driving. O.o Road Rage. XD hahahaha well I have to admit it that I have Road Rage. I dont really like people drive their car and VERY VERY closely follow my tail. O.o Ladies/Gentlemen....why would u do that? If I suddenly break sure would make accident and Im pretty sure you guys wont pay for the damages. Am I always right? When it comes to money...anything would happen. I just dont understand why people like to follow other people car very very very very very close that 1 slight mistake will ends up accident. Weird....this is one of the reason I easily angry n hate. Sigh~~ but i write this post is not about crazy drivers. Its about me...I cant control myself most of the time that almost leads to disaster. I dont really care other people feelings when im angry. its like im tooooo confident that I will win but truth is....I just a loser. Im nobody. Im just stupid n idiot people like others. I cant control myself. When I realize this...man....Im hurt so much. To call myself that I believe in God but I still over emotional. But only God can help me. Only God can control me. No humans can do what God can do for me. Sigh~~ actually I dont have mood to write this post but I just have to write to make me feel better. I hope things would get better. Thanks for reading my posts. Peace!

Do You Believe In Miracles?

2011-05-27T11:02:00.001+08:00

Now....everyone sure like this topic.

Do you believe in miracle?

Some people believe it but not 100%.
Some people believe it but have no faith on it.
Some people believe it but suddenly not believe it.
Most people dont believe it at all.
BUT few people believe it 100%.

Last time...I dont really believe about miracles. WHY? WAKE UP! ITS NONSENSE. BE REALITY. etc...etc....etc...Thats how I am last time. Then I started to believe it....slowly....from time to time. bla bla bla bla....time goes by....time pass. And...miracles happen. There are many type of miracles and i dont know much about it. XD hehehehe

So here I wanted to share something that really suprised me a lot. It might sound crazy but I dont think it is crazy if you believe in God. Im sure 95% people in the world will think im crazy n due to this science n bla bla bla. Nah i dont think so. Heres the short story...It was in my dream today. I was sitting in a dark place alone. Use a projector n play the DVD story about God (i think so maybe). Theres a moment where God sitting. I go near the screen n wanted to touch it. I know its a flat screen but....I touches His thigh. He become real. I cant see His face but I could only see bright light. I really feel His warm thigh...at the same time I cry and only could say one word "God". Then I wake up and look at my hands. I still can feel the warmth. I cry again n only could say "God Is Powerful". I cant remember what happen then n how long I cry...I could only thought about God. Then I fall asleep again. Until know I still can remember the moment I touches His thigh in my dream. Its hard to remember whole dream but only the short moment of the dream I could remember clearly. Now my belief is that miracles are made by God. He gave us answer of our Pray. We might not know what his answer but His present in our HEART answer everything. I just....totally cant explain how happy I am now. Its like...its time for a New Beginning with the present of God within me. I try to control my tears each time I think about God. Its just hard to explain. I could only cry n pray for God more.

Thank You God....For EVERYTHING! =')

A New Beginning

2011-05-27T10:17:00.000+08:00

A lot has happen recently in my life. Sadness, Happiness, Stressfulness, Confusion, n etc etc. But one thing that make me happy is able to stay with my love one. Hehehe...well things happen a lot between us. There are some arguments but we just need to understand each other. We realize fast and apologize each other. No matter whose fault. Just apologize thats how our love become strengthen but we BELIEVE God strengthen our relationship & love. Until then....a NEW BEGINNING. XD

Hmmm....well yeah....a lot a lot had happen. It just hard to explain now. Just able to say Thanks To God for everything He gave us. XD

Hmmm about all the past? relationship, friendship, arguments, hatred, anger, n bla bla bla bla bla....I do learn a lot from then. All those mistakes i made....All those attitude, personality, n etc etc....yeah....its hurt but without those experiences I wont be able to be what i am now. Thanks God for giving me guidance.

What am I doing now? hmm....lets see....I will be truely honest about this. I wont create stories or anything. Here goes....I do take part times a lot in many places...learn something. Make more work experiences...bla bla bla...a lot happen. This n That. That n This. OH yeah....but only 2 places I focus last time. Ocean Cafe & Millennium Corner. This 2 places are near my house. Why I do I stop working there?

1) Ok...for Ocean Cafe...one of the reason is the ventilation are broken n smokes are everyway. I had a hard time to breath while cooking most of the time. Sometimes I almost blackout but I keep myself steady NOT to fall down. The work time? Yeah its pretty alright to me. Its nite shift...cooking western foods. The Boss? Yeah hes a very good person. I regret I lied to him about change job to morning shift instead I go to my friend work place at Millennium Corner. I should think about positive n negative way of my decision. I would say Ocean Cafe would be better place to work then Millennium Corner. But all already pass so forget n learn about the mistakes.

2) Ok...now for Millennium Corner. Hmm...actually this place isnt that bad at all but whats make me dont like this place is the dirty environment. I dont like to work in dirty environment. A lot mouses & Cockroaches . I am seriously strict in cleanliness especially for Foods & Beverages. How good the foods are would still END up BAD. I always take free time when theres no order to clean up the places but...well...ITS JUST CANT BE CLEAN! Those cockroaches are pissing me off. Theres one customer complain about his/her spagetti got roaches. Oh damn how did that happen? My fault? probably yes but I do understand one thing for sure. CLEAN UP BEFORE START REAL BUSINESS. Urrghh im not sure how many times I tell my friend to hire people to clean up the whole places but...oh well im just a worker & boss always right. When the time comes...I been blame. Funny huh? Im just trying to help but....oh geez people just wont listen becoz they are the BOSS. One of the reason is I dont like bad attitude boss. I just dont like being scolded if the boss is drunk. I do remember all those scolding stuff but probably my fault too coz not keep warn my friend. This friend of mine actually the son of the restaurant owner. And the boss is the partner n also my friend as well. So i just hold on until.........

I learn about Forex Business. I heard many people say this is illegal. The only illegal is we are not pay the tax for exchange money. LoL....its weird that people say this kind of trading money business is illegal where the whole world doing it. If the country ban it...I would say they are idiots. 3% tax each time exchange money are not profitable? oh man...how idiot is the person? What if a huge amount of money comes in our country n they willing to pay taxes. Isnt it make our country have extra money from those taxes? So why not join the global trading? Its the BIGGEST BUSINESS in the world. But one thing for sure....this forex business is NOT EASY TO HANDLE. one false mistake would lead to disaster. There are people even say this forex is the swiss case. I been searching information about swiss case n IT DOESNT EVEN RELATED to forex at all. Funny....how people just lazy to read the truth. =.= alright forget about that. I dont care what u people might say to me. But please show some respect of what im doing. Thank you....

NOW..............I mean this year. I....just....dont know how to explain what happen to me. Its just inexplainable. But one thing for sure...everything happen for a reason. And I BELIEVE that God do this for us to realize n wake up. But I admit...to know about our God is WAY MORE DIFFICULT than we learn something new. WHY? becoz we only see something we wanted to see but not something that should be seen. Not understand? It means...dont just use our eyes to look into something that are visible...instead use our real "EYES" to see something invisible. XD complicated huh? U would know what I truely means once u really really really understand what I mean. hehehehe

ALRIGHT!!! END OF STORY~

Im Back!

2011-05-26T18:52:00.000+08:00

Yo yo yo! Im back to my blog....oh yeah....well actually kinda lazy to write anymore. But some EDITING need to do on this blog. Its TIME to CHANGE! HOO AH! XD

What the FUCK is GOING ON to our peaceful country???

2010-01-09T09:10:00.000+08:00

What the FUCK is GOING ON to our peaceful country???

Muslim burnt churchs???

OMG!!! Even this news spread to outside country...all LAUGH at us!!! IM SO EMBARRASSING!!! LoL...next time I would say...I live in EAST MALAYSIA. NOT WEST MALAYSIA!!! My country FULL of RETARDS people...Just because the word "ALLAH" already wanna make a STUPID IDIOTIC WAR. LOL...TIDAK BERDOSA KA TU??? DONT EVER CALL YOURSELVES "INSAN YG PALING MULIA"...INSAN PALING BERDOSA paling sesuai...

YALAH...berdosa tidak sembahyang la...ini la...itu la...must follow follow...TAPI SENDIRI??? Please la...dont call urself INSAN MULIA if you REFUSE to show RESPECT to each other. Dont say I do a lot of sins...EVERYONE HAVE A SIN!!! Accept that...BE REALITY!!! Sembahyang byk tapi tidak sedar diri...BUAT APA!!! Pergi sembahyang untuk KESEDARAN...bukan hanya minta maaf atas dosa2 yg telah dilakukan. SEDAR dulu!!!

Ya must united to claim the word "ALLAH"...wow...LOL SAMA SJA LA!!! There's only 1...ONE....YI GE...SATU...YAT...TI SE..."GOD, TUHAN, ALLAH"!!! SHOW SOME RESPECT!!! SAMA SAJA...Just the "NAME" is different. "NAME"!!! NOT "GOD"....BUDUH!!! Budak 1 Tahun pun BULIH faham PERBEZAAN apa tu "NAME" n "GOD".

THANKS TO RETARDS PEOPLE...Congratulation for "SHAMING" your own religion.

1Malaysia concept...FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rough Update

2009-11-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

Wow...its been so loooooong time i havent update my blog... i guess i just update it. hahaha...

For real...i got nothing to say except about my comp...HANGKANG liao~~ uhuhuhuhuhu

I want new computer~~~ I think below RM3000 would be enough but...where do i find RM3000...=.=" BIG LOL...oh well...I just have to be patient then~ T.T Now im using my mum lap top...TOTALLY cant catch up my typing speed...LOL not sensitive enough. I keep type fast n erase for correction...

Ok thats all...bubye...

Update next time when rajin...XD

Recently...

2009-09-24T08:03:00.000+08:00

Its been so long I dint update my blog...=p

Well...nothing much happen...just normal...hahaha

Anyway recently I been reading newspaper...

1 word~~ OHMYGOD!!! Malaysia getting worst and worst everyday...

Accident here accident there...

Rompak here rompak there...

Belasah here belasah there...

Hiyoyo...what happen to our country...much worst is Raya Day. Totally NOT happy raya...so much cases. Weird why policesss dint do anything good. I read news that they will do "PERONDAAN" but...saaaaaaaaama jugak byk kes...LoLz...terpaksa I put many weapons in my mom's car just in case for protection. Bring locker so that the thief would take time removing the locker. Anywhere I go I have to bring weapon in my body. Just in case kena rompak suddenly...go out find job oso hard...sikit2 many bad ppl aiming u. LoLz...if kena sudah police oso SLOW to arrive...SO??? BETTER PROTECT YOURSELF. KILL IF MUST!!! BETTER THEN KILLED...SAME CONCEPT!!! CEGAH daripada rawat. KILL BEFORE KILLED...SAME LAR!!! Some of us bring weapon to PROTECT ourselves and SOME polices are IDIOTS!!! MANA SEMPAT KOL KAMU KALO SUDAH KENA TIKAM!!! BODOH!!! FIKIR LA!!! KAMU PUN BUKAN 5 minutes sampai tempat kejadian...LOLZ. BETTER SENDIRI BERTINDAK...RUN 1st. Kena kejar baru protect yourself. I want to find job oso hard...sini sana ada muka jahat sini sana ada muka peragut n perompak!!! So what to do? STAY HOME KA? LOLZ...

p/s : Everything here is base on my experiences...Im manage to run away in most situations. But I oso manage to protect myself by 1st action...usually when Im bad mood. I am so pissed off becoz of the people surrounding and mostly pissed off on security. SO INEXPERIENCE!!! PENAKUT!!! TAU MENGURAT SJA BUT PENAKUT!!! People NEED help but all HIDE!!! BODOH!!! STUPID!!! IDIOT!!! So many security in 1 building oso cant find that "guy"...MAO LITZ BETUL!!!

My LOYALTY in love NEVER been appeciated...

2009-09-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

Sigh~ Sigh~ Sigh~

I cannot believe my LOYALTY in love NEVER been trusted n appreciated...IM SO LOST!!!

Im...so...so...so...speechless. No Mood at all...

Sigh~ Sigh~ Sigh~

P/S : I Wish God SAVE and BLESS Her...=( I dun wan anything bad happen to her...I cant even reach her oledi...Everything I said she never wanted to listen anymore. I AM SO LOST RIGHT NOW!!! T.T I cant do anything...Im so so so LOST~~

I feel so DOWN!!! LOVE PROBLEMS!!!

2009-08-28T09:46:00.000+08:00

I feel so DOWN!!! AAARRRGGHH SO SO STRESS!!! Cant I have BETTER life??? Cant I have LESS STRESS? I TRY SO HARD TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! I CANT BELIEVE U KEEP THINKING NEGATIVE SIDE. I keep thinking how to introduce you to my family. BUT NOW IS NOT THE TIME!!! WE HAVE SO MANY CRISIS GOING ON!!! CANT U UNDERSTAND MY SITUATION!!! IM STRESS BECOZ I CANT DO ANYTHING YET!!! We been arguing and fighting each other for over 7 days. I try to make it better with you but you keep THINKING NEGATIVE WAY. I CANT DO ANYTHING BETTER YET SINCE I DUN HAVE A JOB!!! HOW AM I GOING TO PROOF MY LOVE FOR YOU!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH & BEING VERY VERY VERY VERY HONEST WITH YOU BUT YOU KEEP SAYING I DUN LOVE YOU & CARE FOR YOU!!! WHY IS THAT??? EVERYDAY I KEEP THINKING ABOUT U...THINKING ABOUT OUR FUTURE!!! BUT YOU NEVER LISTEN!!! YOU KEEP SAYING I DUN LOVE YOU ANYMORE. YOU DUN TRUST ME ANYMORE!!! I am SO SO SO SO SO SO HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you understand my REAL feeling right now??? I GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS BECOZ THEY HELP ME WITH THEIR BEST!!! I TRUST THEM BECOZ THEY ALSO TEACH ME TO BE BETTER PERSON!!! What is wrong going out with them??? I dint go church with you to meet your family DOESNT MEAN I DUN LOVE YOU!!! ITS BECOZ MY MOM ASK ME NOT TO GO OUT BECOZ OF MONEY CRISIS!!! FINANCIAL CRISIS!!! You know HOW HARD to choose between MOM and GIRLFRIEND!!! UURRRGGHHH!!! WHY cant you understand me??? I TRY SO HARD TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! I TRY SO HARD TO INTRO YOU TO MY FAMILY!!! BUT I DONT KNOW HOW!!! THERE ARE SO MUCH PROBLEMS COME OUT....WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT??? PLEASE!!! I BEG YOU TO UNDERSTAND MY FAMILY SITUATIONS!!! I told you many times to be patient...WE WILL BE TOGETHER!!! BUT ITS NOT SO EASY!!! PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS!!! I wan to have many friends...I CHOOSE MY FRIENDS CAREFULLY AND MOST OF THEM ARE GREAT PERSON INCLUDE GIRLS!!! I friend with girls so that I could ask them for help. I WAN TO UNDERSTAND GIRLS SO MUCH!!! I REALLY DUNO HOW TO MAKE A GIRL HAPPY!!! THATS WHY I FRIEND WITH GIRLS!!! I DUN CHEAT ON YOUR BACK!!! I NEVER DID!!! HOW ARE WE GONNA BE TOGETHER IF YOU KEEP SAYING ME DUN LOVE YOU ANYMORE!!! I MUST HELP!!! HELP MY FAMILY!!! BE WITH MY FAMILY!!! I WAN TO SHOW MY RESPECT & HONOR TO MY FAMILY!!! I DUN WAN TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES!!! I TRY AND I TRY AND I TRY SO HARD TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! EXPLAIN TO YOU!!! BUT YOU.......UUURRRGGGHHH!!!!

p/s : TOTALLY speechless...I never tot this would happen. I feel like...all what I did is just a waste of time and energy. I ALREADY AT MY LIMIT!!! 8 days STRAIGHT we been arguing the same things...THE SAME THINGS!!! THE SAME PROBLEMS!!! sigh~ sigh~ sigh~

Totally need HELP!!!

My Girlfriend...=p hehehe

2009-08-16T11:56:00.000+08:00

Its been long time I dint update my blog...well coz I rili dunno what to write. O.O so I guess I talk about my girlfriend then. We been...err...5 months I guess. Still new? I dont think so. We been through so much pain together oledi. We keep facing a lot of problems together. I really wanted to show my girlfriend to my family but...well...kind embarrassing coz we all never talk about this kind of conversation except to my sister if she knows that I have girlfriend. I do hope this time my mom like my girlfriend. Come on lar...Im oledi 24 years old. There's no other girls out there are better. Its not easy to find REALLY good one. Mostly doesnt give me respect & their attitudes are SUCKS!!! Find cute one = BAD attitude, Find pretty one = EYES of money, Find Okay Okay one = Want tall guy...OOOII U ALL THINK U SO HIGH CLASS MEH!!! Nvm...I just be patient. Now that I've found the girl I been dream of...well according to my DEJAVU...She is the one in my dream. I admit we all have special ability but we never realize which one. Hahahaha...anyway those pictures above are MY BELOVED GIRLFRIEND. A lot a lot a lot of pain we have been through together. Well...sometimes almost break up but I think everything are test given from God whether we truly should be together or not. I guess many tests we have pass. The tests getting harder and harder everyday. But I always believe there are a lot lessons from all the tests since my girlfriend and I dont have so much experiences in relationship. Sometimes I so confused about the tests given but both of us manage to settle it. One thing for sure now is I wanted to show my girlfriend to my family...(mau kasi kenal lar...show off sikit GF sa bukan jak cantik but also cute...XD) Last time failed...I hope this time will be success. Well...IM HOPING SO MUCH!!! >.< Its not easy to find life partner that really understand me. Mostly all care for themselves only. SELFISHNESS...jadi fish la kamurang. XD wahahahahah jk jk....anyway Im out of idea to write about her...hahahaha...I will give an update about us. =p

P/S : Oh I forgot one thing important. She is DUSUN girl from Kampung Matupang, Ranau. 23 years old this year. 1 year younger than me. =p someday I gonna show her to my family. I HOPE my mom like her. >.< She......well......=.=" ndak berapa pandai masak but still acceptable lar. Hiya cooking can learn bah...actually Im tired of tapuk2 punya relationship...I keep headache about it. Too much oledi...

Okay lar...tat's all for now. XD soon will be updated....

Its good to be back...

2009-06-28T10:51:00.001+08:00

Aaahh~~~ Its good to be back on track again...

Its been so long I dint exercise on dance game machine...Hahahaha...but really sad just play 1 round oledi "fuhh...fuhhh..fuhh...tired...water...water....need rest..." HIYOOOO...how can like that one??? T.T so sad eh~~~ why the becoz~~~ Nvm...its just 1st day...HOHOHOHO...

Must set time for exercise now...if not...keep getting sick...HIYOOO mana tahan oo...keep baring2 there like dead man oledi...NO WAY!!! I WAN EXERCISE!!! Lazy go jogging...then I choose to go play game instead...HOHOHO PUMP IT UP & DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!!! HURAH!!! PLAY!!! EXERCISE!!!

So happy I'll be able to play again...hahahaha...

Its good to be back on track~~ But my dance partner busy work...HIYAK~~ cant do freestyle ooo...HIYO...but can do oso no use...I totally forgot all the moves...XD wahahahahhahaha...

Anyway im looking forward for another play...HOHOHOHO solo pun solo lar~ most important EXERCISE!!! IM BURNING!!!

Drivers Nowaday

2009-06-26T17:42:00.000+08:00

Wow~~ Im not suprised...

People nowaday...drivers nowaday...

Is it really fun speeding? Use car but dont know use signals? People already so closed and suddenly cut in line? Is that really fun and make you all top drivers? Pro drivers? Aaaaww~~ Here this...how good you are...YOU STILL WILL ACCIDENT!!! HAHAHAHA...SERVED YOU RIGHT.

FUN isn't it? Are you happy after accident? Well Im happy becoz GOD punish you!!! SERVED YOU RIGHT!!! NEXT TIME BECAREFUL!!! OBEY THE RULES OF ROAD SAFETY!!! Your money wont be "safe" when you get into accident.

Always wanna drag innocent people into accident...now feel your own "punishment". Im sure it taste orange...or...coffee. HAHAHA!!!

Some or MOST drivers nowaday...always ignore the road safety. Once accident...here and there...this is your fault...that is your fault...I dun have money to pay this and that. COME ON LAR!!! You got money to modify your car but no money to pay broken car. LoLz...just throw your damn car. Dont drive at all!!! Go learn back your license and do all those road safety exam. OBEY THEM THAN NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU!!!

P/s : All I can say is..."Haaa Haaa HAaaaaa...." Thats all for those "lucky" drivers who got their own "medicine". I say lucky becoz you live...If you're dead...than you're not lucky at all.

STREAMYX THE MOST WORST INTERNET BROADBAND!!!

2009-06-19T16:20:00.001+08:00

AARRGGHH!!! All I can do is screaming out loud now. With the internet thats soooooo damn slow...its hard for me to get information in internet. SO HARD TO SURF!!! Everytime same excuses...HELLOO??? YOU THINK WE ALL STUPID??? Hey we use internet more then u giving service to us!!! We know a LOT better then u!!! Stop telling us to do this and that. WE DONE IT MANY TIMES and it still the same!!! We PAY it the bills macam menderma saja tapi servis sentiasa TIDAK MEMUASKAN!!! Cant you so called streamyx workers do something better rather then ask us do something stupid the same thing all over and over and over again? Come on lar!!! Jangan tau makan gaji saja. Tapi sekurang2nya bagi la service yg bagus. Keep on saying maintainance. WHEN WILL IT FINISH MAINTAINANCE??? WHEN??? Its been MONTHS!!! YOU KNOW THIS WORD >>>M.O.N.T.H.S<<< huh? Understand or not??? If not go buy dictionary books and LEARN!!! MAINTAINANCE LAMBAT TAPI BILA SIAP KEPUTUSAN SAMA SJA!!! TIADA PERUBAHAN...NOTHING CHANGE BUT GETTING WORST. Tikus membaiki labu ka kamu??? Kami sebagai pengguna streamyx sudah cukup bersabar tapi apa yg kami dpt sentiasa tidak memuaskan...WE PAY FOR WHAT? FOR BAD SERVICES? LoLZ!!!

I wont be suprised if tourism says our internet is the worst of all...I cant disagree anymore. They says sucks...I say much much worst than sucks. Now wonder...our internet broadband is listed in the worst internet broadband in the world. TOP 3!!! Lucky not top 1...if not will get The Worst Internet Broadband In The World Awards...P.S. HA HA HA!!! LOLZ...

Random Post

2009-06-12T22:05:00.000+08:00

Random...Juuuust Random...XD hehehe

Aaaahhh so long dint update my blog...

Well I got nothing to write actually just updating my blog...Its seem dead oledi. Recently nothing bad or good happen...Nothing weird but all I do is play game. A game called Killing Floor which is killing the zombie till kiss the floor. Wahahahahaha...

Its been...hmmm how long oso I duno. XD Just feel long time dint update my blog oledi. wahahahahaha...Now oso bit bored coz nothing to talk about. Just random...wakakakaka coz I stay home for almost 3 weeks becoz of sick....=.=" kena flu...panas sejuk panas sejuk. How not kena flu leh? LuLz~~~

I think thats all I wanna write lar...coz I rili rili rili have nothing to share now. Wahahahahhaa

Random Post and Ghost "EXPERIENCE"

2009-05-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

Huraaahhhh....XD its been a while...I havent updated my blog.

Well...actually....I was...busy....watching...History Strongest Disciple Kenichi anime!!! Its soooooo damn funny....wahahahahahahaha but this anime really teachs me a lot...about martial arts are used to protect yourself when in danger and not for hurting everybody else. I used to use it against bad people before...when Im able to control Qi...I become hunger for more until I almost kill someone. Well actually that someone is so call "pembodek"...also he doesnt deserved to get hurt so bad. When I think back about it...=.=" well...I laugh. Now my physical body not that good anymore. My health also keep getting bad...I need to do my special training again so I can go back to my old HEALTHY self again.

Now...im sick~~~~~ for one whole week~~~~~ Damn...so so suffering. Most hated of all when I go labuan and sleep alone in the living room in my sis's house. =_= I get disturb by some...phenomenom...well...actually I should call it "Friend". LoLz...Its not funny =.=" Mentang2 Im sick...easy to disturb lar??? Damn it~~~~ I was continuely having heavy fever and cold for 3 days...Its so suffering...Well it is nice experiences too when I sleep alone in the living room. Totally annoy by the so call "Friend"...wanna know what happen? XD hehehehehe...okay I tell my experience...

Here goes...

After my nephew go to his parents room to sleep. That was...10pm. I was watching tv and fell sleepy after eating my medicine. My medicine is surely strong effect that can make me sleep whole day without waking up. BUT!!! At exact 12am...That's where the actions begin~~~~ 1st I turn off TV and light...everything dark...totally dark except outside lar. There this sounds~~~ squeek squeek...krriiikk krrriikkk...at 1st I tot it was a rat or something but its weird why the sounds getting near to where i sleep. Well...I dun care about that. Im trying to sleep...the sounds getting closer and closer...and finally it stop. Then I hear one sound that really making my whole body numb. =_= well i duno how to describe that sound it words but it really creep me out. I dint wake up because I was trying to act totally sleeping like in dream already but the sounds TOTALLY annoy me until my legs shake a bit. Im trying to act nothing happen but...It blow wind into my ears...if it was real people. OKAY LAGI...but this...after being blow wind into your ears then wake up and see no one beside u...what do u feel? Im almost wanna scream but Im having sore throat. Im trying to fight it. But...The more I fight it...the worst it become. =.=" Then at 1am I turn on the light and TV...trying to watch and fall asleep. I did fall completely asleep but I suddenly awake like something fall on me. Im not able to breath for a while like 5 second then ok back. Oooohhh I hate it so much...Then I keep awake until 2am...I go to toilet before I sleep. I close every door...XD it gets worst...I hear a lot of sounds like falling things...pringggg pranggg...kling klang...this and that...aaarrgghhh so hard to sleep. That was the 2nd time I turn off the light. It happen for 10 second then I feel relief and go to sleep. Then there it goes again...the sounds squeek squeek (like wearing house slipper and walk sliding2...) kriiikkk kriikkkk (imagine ur put ur nails on the wall n scratch it)...that 2 sounds annoy me alot...I try ignore it again. It wouldnt effect me twice...but...IM SICK!!! I nid some sleep~~~~ It did effect me 2nd times...aaarrrgghhh it keep blowing my ears...when I cover my whole body. Noisy sounds like...throwing things...falling things happen. Then I turn on the light and TV again...watch it until 3.30am...I turn off the TV and sleep on the light on...many noisy sounds keep disturbing me until Im out of control...I was very angry and say..."mentang2 sya sakit...senang betul ko kacau sya tido la". Then everything peace...no sounds at all. Finally...Im able to sleep peacefully~~~ I tell my family about this. They all tot I cant even hear it...well...a lot things happen so...I can but still cant see clearly. Just blurry...hahaha...XD well it is nice experiences...I do hope everyone who read post would share their "bad experiences"...XD lai lai dun be shy...lets share...SHARE LAR!!!!!

HEHEHEHEHE...well...im still sick...=.=" still sore throat. urghh...I hate it. Cant eat something I wanted to eat. >.< oh well...wahahahhhahaha...thanks for reading. XD

Enjoy~~

Gothics.........

2009-05-07T08:30:00.000+08:00

Gothic Kodona? What is it anyway? Well...I found out the real meaning of the words...Its mean an adult that have a child heart. I cant recall what movie that related to this words. But I remember who is the star...XD the star is Johnny Depp...correct me if im wrong spelling his name. He's one of my favorite actor. Hahaha...quite special and unique. He always take different character in any movie.

What I have read in internet....Gothic is not a fashion. It just like an...oldies clothes but it has been modify into modern style. I love oldies stuffs...it brings a lot of memories...I like old style and modify it into modern style. Hehehe...BRING BACK THOSE MEMORIES!!! HURAHHH!!!

There many kind of gothic...gothic lolita, gothic kodona, gothic dandy n etc...Here some of the pic to make you understand. Each of them have different meanings but I cant recall it. Hahahaha...

Here is the link about what Im trying to make you understand...XD But mostly...about girls...>.< hohoho...i really wanna make the last pic...due to my "age" getting old...really not suitable to cosplay young character...so better make clothes that can even use to go anywhere...right? XD hehehehe

http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-421733/human-fashion-of-japan/

That's all...XD hehehe

Random Post...

2009-04-29T12:43:00.000+08:00

HURAAHHH!!! Its been a long time I havent update my blog. hahaha...hmmm what should I write huh? =_= I totally no idea eh~~~ but recently weather are SO DAMN HOT!!! And keep blackout and internet down...hiyooo~~~ cry eh~~~ why like this one...? x.x

This coming Friday...1st of May which is called the LABOR DAY...hohoho my family and I go to Pine Resort in Ranau...if not mistaken...Ranau or Kundasang. Lolz...no idea...long time dint go so so far places. Stuck at home ony...well anyway...I hope got something good there...hohoho...take pictures are the most important role!!! HURAHHH!!! Even I dint learn about photography and those art stuffs...with HARDWORK...everything pays off. HURAHHH!!! Also, I have many many many friends that really good in that courses and they dont mind teaching those NOOBIES like me. XD wehehehehehe...but problem is I keep blur blur whatever they taught me. =_=" Bah...from cooking become photographer. Not blur ka? Slowly loh~~~ Im not those fast learner~~~ Im not as quick as other people are...Im not those talented people. Many people out there got talented and gifts that given from God. Well...I do admit Im jealous of them...I oledi try so hard to improve my drawing but all I can draw is my imagination. Hahaha...bad drawing again. So long edi I training but still a little bit improve. O.o at least got a bit bit lar...hahaha I search in internet and learn the basics about drawing. One word..."WOW" totally blur...I seen the real professional drawer before...No mistakes at all. They just draw all the way without using rubber. =_= now thats what I call an art-tist....XD hehehehe

Yaloh...jealous oso la but this feeling keep make me not giving up about it. How lousy I draw Im still proud that Im able to draw better and better everyday. Hohoho even its only my imagination. I stole a lot ideas from manga that I see. The hairstyle, clothes, n etc...Its like I wanted to become animation. Not wrong rite? ~_~ hehehe...phographing? HURAHHH HANTAM sja lah...luan luan take from every angle...sure got one or two angel is good. XD hehehehe

Okay...thats all...I still sleepy now~~~ The weather is totally absorb my energy...Back-up Power oso belum charge...wahahahahhaha Thanks for reading my post..

HURAHHH!!!

NO!!! Im being wrong again!!!

2009-04-20T11:44:00.000+08:00

HURAAAHHH!!! After hours of thinking...Im still being me. Being negative minded. I should have calm myself and think positively. If not apa pun boleh jadi...MUST STAY POSITIVE and make WISE decisions...

What ever happens...Stay WISE and FOCUS. HURAHHH!!!

Okay thats all...time to play games...XD

My Feelings and...WORST of all...family falling apart...haizz...

2009-04-20T09:41:00.000+08:00

All this time...all this days...why I cant sleep well? why I keep awake? Its because of the nightmare I had...I wish and pray that it is not dejavu. I really dun wan it to happen...I wish it is only normal nightmare not a message/dejavu. If it does happen...what am I gonna do? What should we do? Why is it happening? So many questions but yet none have been answered yet. The only thing I can do is PRAY. So headache and frustrated if it does happen. Really duno what will happen in the future.

Sigh~~~ I also cant control myself sometimes...I feel so guilty when I think back about it especially when I hurt my mom feelings. I keep praying everyday to be able to control myself but it just make me more stress...make me more worst. What should I do? Stop everything what Im doing now? NO!!! I cant do that...I cant stop socialize!!! If I just stay home and dint go out with my friends? How am I able to maintain my chinese language? I learn a lot from them and they teach me a lot too...even sometimes they play play about it but still they really really really teach me the way of chinese people living. When im stress...I need them to clear my mind especially my friend, San. He really a brilliant thinker...so free minded...so relax person. He's a GREAT joker amongst us all...He always bring laughter in our group. When I think clearly...our group is the best. No clubbing...No Beer...No bad things. Just hang out, yam cha, movies, games, and everything healthy. If other people always wanted to bring me go clubbing and pub. NO WAY!!! Im not going to those smoky place anymore. I really cant breath properly there. YES of coz it is great experiences but its not worth to release tension there.

Yalar...clubbing and pub...many leng luis, many sexy girls, many pretty girls...but whats the use? Rosak rosak punya girls...Im not saying all but most of them. Its totally useless to have pretty and sexy on appearance if the brains are as tiny as bean. Only IDIOTs and STUPID minded guys would choose those kind of girls...Only those who think girls as playmate would choose on appearance not brain. Wanna test me? Come and try...I'll give u the REAL answer from my heart. Dont be suprised about it. Pretending? Lolz...you're totally suicide. You'll never know how good I am in game. You make the trap...I'll make you trap yourself. What? Wanna find both appearance and brain? Well...if you really can find one of them I'll say you are lucky because it is only 5%-10% of them in the world.

Now 1 thing for sure...If my family really falling apart. Those who make it happen...I will HUNT you down until the end of the world. I'll make sure you are SUFFERING more then us...I'll make sure your whole family line SUFFERING a lot. Lets see whose power are STRONGER!!! DO NOT MAKE ME SERIOUS!!! Im praying for God help...please please please dont let it happen. Just help my family...bring they suffer to me. Let me handle it alone. I hurt them a lot so let me carry their burdens on my shoulder. Dont mind over the limit...just dont make my family falling apart. If it does happen...The Hunter will rise again. NO!!! I WILL RISE AGAIN...I will take the Black Key and free the "darkside" of me. Bagus2 we live happily and all of sudden...family falling apart. DAMN!!! GO TO HELL to those make it happen...

p/s : T.T please please please nothing happen in my family. I dont want my mom hurt so much. I PRAY for God...please dont let our family falling apart. Protect my parents...my family...I dont mind if it need to exchange my life as long as they can live happily. As long as we all live happily without breaking apart. Haizzz...SUSAH LA KALO GINI...

Time To Be MOVE ON!!!

2009-04-16T21:29:00.000+08:00

Its time to be MOVE ON!!! again....XD hehehehehe

I've been thinking too much recently...sampai rambut gugur byk...damn it...silakak betul. Cannot la like this...must stay positive...THINK WISE!!! Im still young so must always be wise...I promise myself that there will be no negative around me again. Must always stay positive and think wise...

I should have think more positively...I should have given her chance more. My instinct and my friends advices all are right. It doesnt mean I feel I miss "something" I should look for it immediately. I really dint think about the future. I just think about what I wanted and what I needed. Macam...pentingkan diri sendiri. Being selfish totally not me. Its the "evil" me. =.=" I should have fight the "other" me...After whole day of thinking...I finally able control everything and make wise decision. Because future always changes...got friends help me...got abang angkat and kakak angkat help me. I should listen to them but dun follow totally lar...XD hehehehe

Anyway Thanks to all my friends...especially those who give me advicesss...hohoho Thank you...I will love her until the end...XD The End bukan mati ar...diao...too early...XD hehehehe

Okay that's all...dun wan type much...XD hehehehehehehe

It's just so COMPLICATED...

2009-04-15T18:51:00.000+08:00

Haaah~~ Its so complicated...

All this time...I've been thinking...Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Its just...well...CONFUSING!!! >.< sigh~~~ Its not only about my life...Its also about my GF...I really dont know how to say this...Its something like...=.=" not that I no longer have feeling on her...its ME...Im the problem...I never feel like this before...Its like I wanted more...Im not saying that Im flower heart or not. Its just I wanted someone that...really really really can make my life better. Make me feel happier everyday. Even though Im quite happy with my GF right now but...I still feel something is missing in my life. Something that I always wanted...I been trying to fight this feeling...this attitude...but...Its just so hard. Im SO DAMN HEADACHE about this. I feel like I wanna scream so so so much but...I end up writing in this blog. All I can do is playing games...to lose focus about something I wanted. But every time I go out...I lost control of myself. That "something" keep coming back. I have this attitude that I must get what I wanted even it takes very long time. Haizz..

I guess I have to stick with my GF for a while...but...AARRGGHH!!! I hope my GF can give me something...something that can fill up my "missing" thing. If not...I will end up finding someone else that really can fulfill the COMPLETE ME...Even though I have GF...but...All the pieces in my heart still not come back. The crack havent heal. The pain havent been endure. I try my best oledi. This is my BIGGEST weakness...how strong I am to fight bad people...once my "heart" being strike...I immediately fall. Yea...Im strong in physical and mental sometimes but my heart always weak. God Is FAIR...we all got our own advantages and disadvantages. But having a weak heart is totally unacceptable. >.< HAIZ!!!

I think thats all lar...

p/s : I cant change myself loving chinese people...especially chinese girls. Its how I grow up since small...haizz...being around with chinese friends make me to flirt chinese girls...I always wanted to have chinese GF but...I always rejected. Now I have GF but not chinese...I think I been desperate and make the decision so fast. Haizz...I cant do anything about it right now. All I can do is PRAY...

My Feelingsss...

2009-04-12T00:03:00.000+08:00

Aaaahh~~ Its been so long I dint update my blog. Hehehe...=p

Hmmm...well...many many many things did happen on me. Some are good and some are bad too. Balance...^^ hehehe anyway Im not going to share about bad things happen on me because I promise myself I wont think about negative stuffs again. If not I will be control by those thoughts...well anyway...Im going to share good things. XD hehehehe

Well...Im not pretty sure myself yet because its been hard for me. hahaha...Its really hard to explain. Since I was small I was sent to chinese school by my parents. I learn every chinese people do but its really hard to get some of their respect sometimes. Even own race also hard to get it. I usually like to chase chinese girls...I like to see the way their wearing their clothes, their hairstyle, and their way of living and thinking. Its totally different from other races. When it comes to business and money...they totally serious about it and know how to manage everything slowly. Not like other races...most of them like instant without any hardworking. Everytimes asking something for free. So sad...own races to think like that? Its totally stupid...I been friends with chinese people and none of them think like other people. None of them think that...there is something is free. I really like the way their thinking. I believe there is no such thing about "FREE" in this world except God creation...light, water, and most valuable...EARTH. Our very own planet...but sadly most people out there crazy about power and expanding their territory. Sad sad...such simple minded.

But...^^ not all other races have stupid way of thinking. hahaha...so no offend. We all humans...it just...very seldom I meet other races than chinese people have different way of thinking. I usually ignore people who have bad way of thinking. Its totally not for me. Im not going to waste my life living with stupid people. Chances??? Oh yea...sure...IF THEY CHANGE!!! Lolz...come on...I give so many chances but they always blow it. I even try to help but they dint listen. The attitude of always being right is totally extreme STUPID!!! =.=" what am I gonna do about it? Let my mind get infected by them? Lolz...no way ho zay...its a fool to friend a fool. Let them fool themselves rather then you become one of them.

So what Im trying to say is that Im...quite...interested...with...chinese people...especially girls....XD hehehehe...BUT!!!...at the end I get Dusun girlfriend...hahahahahaha...XD well...its really hard to find someone who really love and care about you. =_= its hard...ok? You girls wont understand it. We boys totally suffering to find those who really suits us. Im not even sure my girlfriend now is totally suits me or not. Im not sure how long we be able to be together. One thing that I scared I dun love her in the future...What will her feeling be if I left her? >.< until now Im still trying NOT to like other girls...especially chinese girls. Because since small I oledi one of them even though my blood is DUSUN but I BELIEVE myself that I am ONE of THEM. IM CHINESE IN MY HEART!!! That is my believe...YES IM CHINESE. If people ask me...I will say Im MIX DUSUN. XD hehehehe...Dusun By Blood, Chinese By Heart. What? Call me crazy ar? Then what about those who married? Chinese married malay? Chinese married dusun/kadazan? Chinese married...erm any lar...Arent they also stupid if you call me stupid? Lolz...

If some people says they are mix even though they are pure in non-chinese...i always respect them. Why? The way their thinking is POSITIVE. That's why...I know why Im not able to flirt chinese girls...it is because their way of thinking is totally upgrade. Im still me...slowly upgrading. I admit Im a slow learner but someday I can think more better than chinese people. IF Im not lazy of coz...Hahahahaha...Laziness always break my strong will. Lolz...XD But Im happy to have Dusun girlfriend now...well...=.= her thinking much more different than other girls I try to flirt. Most important that she's totally HONEST and UNDERSTANDING. But...the only thing Im worried is I would fall in love to chinese girls...My heart still got a bit pain about my past relationship. Its like a challenge to me...I promise myself I will marry to chinese girl someday but who knows...future always change in any situation. I love my GF now...but...Im still interested in chinese girls...because...I feel something missing in my heart. I really dont know what it is...I dun want to hurt my GF. I did say to her I love her always...but...AAARRRGGGHHH IM SO FRUSTRATED!!! Its not that we not suits to each other...its just about ME. I LIKE CHINESE PEOPLE!!! I wanted my GF to change me. To LOVE her more everyday...I try my best to maintain our relationship but there always something missing in my heart and I dun know what it is. I wish my GF know what to do about it. >.< Im totally confused and HEART PAIN!!! I really dun know what to do...

AARRRGGHHH...Got girlfriend or No girlfriend also headache. DAMN!!! hmmmmm...Nevermind...I BELIEVE my girlfriend can take care of it. I BELIEVE she can change me. I REALLY hope so...>.< if not Im gonna end up hurting her in the future. HIYOOO...I dun want this to happen in the future. I did found some chinese girls that I interested but...I cant do that. Im not gonna cheat my girlfriend at her back. BUT....AAARRRGGHHH...want crazy liao arrr...sap pai...=.="

Thanks for reading...

Drop some advicessss PLEASE!!!

dosta Bored & HOT Day desu ka~~

2009-03-28T19:42:00.000+08:00

UUUuuuuwaaahhh...today totally bored desu~~ >.< want do something but lazy. LoLz hahaha...totally useless eh me. =.=" Today also HOT...aarrgghhh...HOT nia!!! Want go out also feel like...=.=" "look up in the sky...wah so damn bright and HOT oowhh~~" then go back inside and watch tv and surfing. Haiyooo...Nan desu ka??? >.<

Damn the weather totally make me so so so damn lazy nowaday...well at least Im manage to stand up and cook for dinner. Hahahaha...=.= at least I got something to do automatically. Then now so bored I decide to write new post on my blog. Its totally nothing actually. Just killing my time...hahahaha BORED BAH!!! Haiyooo...

Want become crazy liao bored like hell...=.= want go out also no one pei pei me...T.T so lonely desu~~~ oh well...just be patient. WAhahahahahhahaha...Haiz movie also crap crap one. =.=" nothing can attract me...isk~~ why like that ar~~ all nice nice movie next month baru got~~~ BORED DESU~~~ T.T uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh

Actually I was planning to watch Gokusen Season 1, 2 and 3...But my...inter...net...totally...[S.U.C.K] =_=...totally S.L.O.W~~~ uhuhuhuhuhu want sms people also...=.=" duno who can chat chat with me...AARRRGGHHH!!! NAN DESU KA? X.X

That's all lar~~ TO TAL LI BOR~~~ED~~~ Desu~~~

P/S: Sorry for my bad japanese language...XD still NOOB bah me...teach me lar. XD I want learn but...=.= not enough money. Hahaha

Bitter Virgin

2009-03-24T12:44:00.000+08:00

I read this manga yesterday and today...and I learn a lot about this comic. About love, the value of life, appreciation, sadness, happiness, n etc. Many I learn from reading it. What's suprised me is my own tears dropping down on my cheek. Hahaha...I cant believe this manga could effect me. But Im not sure what other people think about this manga. The story quite interesting you know. It teaches us a lot...^^ Well whatever you think is...I hope its not in negative way. Hahaha

Well...lets see. This story is about a girl who got raped by her step father when she was in middle junior school or middle school. She got pregnant for one time and get an abortion. Then after her recovery from abortion...her step father keep doing on the same thing on her and she got pregnant again. This time she give birth a baby boy and got adoption by other parents. She's been suffering about her past and it makes her fear to all men. (Uuuuiii...not all men same lohh...=.=") Okay continue...XD hehehe...Every men that touches and try to get near her, she will scream and get scared until not able to move. But only one guy she dint scared because the guy admit that he totally not interested to the this girl until he find out her secret in abandon church which he accidently become Father in that church. The girl come to the church to make confession. She feels guilty about the child she gave birth because she not able to take care of the child. Well...she think she's not a good mother to the child. I stop the story here...If you wanna know more about it. Try go onemanga.com and find the manga...it is called "Bitter Virgin"

What's interest me about this story is that...we must appreciate everything that come ahead of us soon. We must face everything without fear. Dont make our pasts eat us up. Dont make our pasts control us. If not we stuck in the past time and wont be able to move on. Also...I would really wanna know how to solve this kind of things if I face it someday. It must be tough to face it in real life...I ask myself sometimes. What will I do if I face this kind of girl? How do I solve it? I have a feeling that some people might say "dont waste your time and energy in this kind of things"..."dun let it bother u so much"...some even might scold "you stupid or what?" so many conclusion comes up without even think how to solve it. I do believe most people might avoid this kind of things. Running away from complicated things but for me...its a way of life. Its a lesson where we must face it...We all duno what will happen in our future but we can manage it. It gives me headache sometimes if I really face this but...come to think of it in positive way. Its a question of HOW & WHAT. How will you face it? Either positive or negative? What will you do? Damn...im so excited about this. XD hehehehe...its a challenge. Although I really do hate being challenge but if it can teaches me a lot about value of life. Why not right? Its what I want and need. Knowing so much is not a crime either. Hehehe...

If anyone read this manga before...please share your opinions and your point of view. In negative and positive way...I dun mind. Just share...Hehehe if I think in negative way...Hmmm...=.=" I also have no idea because...all I think is HOW and WHAT. hehehehe...XD But one thing is I really wanna face and know much more about this kind of girls...I wanna know how their really feel...How they face it? It must be super extreme tough to face it I think. Well...we men doesnt know much about girls. We never understand what you all thinking anyway. Hahaha...we just able to understand our own. I really 100% dun believe if I heard a guy say he know everything about girls. Thats because I never meet a couple that 100% dun have stress within them. Macam mana pun...tetap sakit kepala. Hahahaha....XD

Recently I read newspaper so many rape cases...I always wondering how do they face it? Will they still able to continue their normal life? Will they be still accepted as who they are before the incident? So many questions unanswered...well I do understand because its not good to stay close other people business right? Most will say "None Of Your Business"..."Stay Away"..."Who do you think you are?" and etc. I have to accept that in positive way...must stay wise and understand their feelings. Always ask yourself why did they act like that? It must be hard for them...

Totally interesting story...^^" hehehe sorry I just like to know more about the value of life. I just wanted to understand everything I could. No offense...^^ Thanks for reading this post. I hope you all read the comic...

P/S: Who says comic dint teach anything? Lolz...

Funny Japanese Games & Shows

2009-03-22T20:22:00.000+08:00

I laugh watching all this videos...lolz...my stomach almost explode...

Teardrops Of My Guitar

2009-03-20T02:05:00.000+08:00

This song totally inspire me...even this is suppose to be sad song but...if you could make it in positive thought...You wont have any problems with it.

That's remind me...why is it when some people in pain they dun wan to get disturb and they ignore their most closest friends? I've been wondering why and how to solve it. To me its actually easy...when Im feeling down...my friends not giving up to cheer me up. I really happy because of that but when I did that to my friend. I got ignored...well maybe is my fault at the 1st place but...at least reply me and say you wan to be alone or dun disturb me or anything. No answer at all...how am I gonna know what you been thinking? I know how pain is breaking up with the one you really love but why dun wan to share it?...I always been waiting for you but you never realize my existence. You thought I duno anything...dun understand anything. Ok I admit that but...Im a friend that can be trusted. I really hate being ignore while Im trying to help you. Even my ex-GF not that bad...she still remember who I am. Now she has better life and better BF...which makes me happy because of her.

But...why ignore me? why cant I be the friend to cheer u up? I done everything n try my best to help but u wont let me. I messages you but u din reply...I call you but u decide not to talk to me. Which makes me to think are we still friend or not? I broke up with my ex-GF and we still friend. We never become enemy. But...why im the one who try so hard to help you and get this kind of friendship? Friend help each other...get through each other. Independent got its own limit you know. Not everyone is a loner. I was a loner before but when I found the true meaning of friendship. I cry and happy about it. We do have same in common...when Im down I want to be alone but I think positively. Its really hard to help you if you think negatives all the time. Not everyone is the same you know. We learn from our mistakes and we must keep move forward.

I really hate being ignore...it hurts me a lot especially when I want to help someone that I really care. Everytime I try to help someone...I end up hurt and being betray. How painful is that? I waste my energy and willing to help the one I care the most but in the end I get ignore and realize that Im being used. Sigh...I really wish you be alright sooner because...I decide not to disturb you anymore. I decide not to find you anymore. Forget about my invitation. I think you not even need me anymore. I try everything I could do whether you accept or not...that's up to you. This post will be the last about you. I no longer able to help you because you dint accept my help. I feel like Im wasting my energy and time right now. I really really really sad and totally disappointed right now. That's how I feel now...I cant believe the one I really care the most and trusted the most ignoring me.

This post is my last post about "You". I wont post anything about you anymore in the next posts. Either you find me or not...Im not sure I'll be able to be there for you anymore. Im a man that respect woman decisions...what you want...that you will get. Its no use to convince you anymore. Without TRUST...I cant do anything anymore. You need spaces? I give you spaces...I also need my spaces to recover myself again.

Thanks for everything...
I'll appreciate everything you did...

Remember...True friends always be there for you but once you broken the chain...it would be hard to get it back.

Bye...*turn around and never look back again*

I really SERIOUS now...this is the part of me you will never expect...no one know about my dark side personality. Ignoring me or betraying me really pissed me off.

Last post about the girl I LOVE...its a disappointment matter. No use to remember it...

P/S : I'll wait you at the top where the stars are shining brightly in the sky. I'll be waiting...lets see if you could reach it again. Lets see whether you able to pass this small test or not. I have possibility that your chance only 10% unless you stop think so much, doing stupid actions such as suicidal, and start think positively. My tears cant stop dropping from my eyes when I heard you try to killself but my tears will never ever stop when you dint think me as your friend but instead ignoring me when I try to help you. Well...you get what you want. I'll give you spaces...I dont give a damn about excuses such as "even my old friends also leave me alone"...come on...Do I really this stupid??? Im not stupid ok!!! Saya suka jaga tepi kain orang lain??? AS A TRUE FRIEND FOR YOU...I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU BUT YOU BRAKE THE CHAIN YOURSELF. Thats what TRUE FRIEND really means right??? The one who will be there for you no matter what. Sigh...Im so disappointed. I dun care I hurt you more or not right now because all I want now is that you to WAKE UP!!!

Fight Till The End...

2009-03-19T09:29:00.000+08:00

I been suffering for all these days, weeks and months. Now its time to fight back and face my fear. I'll try until the end of my life. Settle things caution, Think calmly, Make Wise Decisions n etc. No more!!! muhuhuhuhuhahahhhahahahhaha...uhuk uhuk...oh sorry havent recover yet...hahaha

Just a simple topic~~~ I just have to fight every negatives that block my paths. Yes...paths...I walk many paths at once. Thats why I been so suffering and confused everytime. Im not able to make wise decision too. Time to move on...I dun care about my dream or what...REALITY is the most important things now. Living in fantasy world...it just makes me more suffering. So better move on now...no use to look back. Just keep forward all the paths I walk now until the end of my life. Why not right? How can we become independent if he just stick with 1 path? lolz...If those millionaire can walk so many paths...why not we? They all human too. Just time can settle it and with so many effort...SURE WE CAN. Kita BULIH BAH....XD hehehehehe

Okay...what else ar? Hmmm....=.=" I guess thats all lar. Got a lot things to do...

Thanks for visiting my blog and read my posts. ^^

Fall...Fall...Until Sick~ Haiz...

2009-03-18T14:07:00.000+08:00

Urgh~~ I Hate Sick...I cant believe I fall punya fall terus jatuh sakit. =.=" keep on coughing non stop whole day. I write this post also I keep on coughing. Haizz...again Im very hard to get nice sleep. =.=" since monday...Its been 3 days if count today...I totally dint have a good night sleep. Dream also blank blank now...I feel tired. I feel uneasy. I feel...well...kinda miss someone. But what can I do? >.< I hardly able to walk now. Haizz...I miss someone so so so much. AARRGGHH!!! But I was told not to find her. Come on tell me when I can find her!!! Show yourself now!!! Give me the answer!!! Im totally confused~~ All I see is spinning world...>.< I really dont know what to do~~ I want go out but...=.= car less oil and mom not around~ Ouch~ But where should I go? =.= I already get bored to keep on going to the same places everytime I need my spaces. Haizz...I wonder why it happens on me? Is it my test? This is the one that I should always face? If yes...I FAIL AGAIN!!! I run away from it. >.< It happens again when I fall in love and not able to express my feeling. It happens exact the same when I was in college. Haizz...but this time more complicated because she got BF oledi. Damn...this is not triangle love. This is something like...=.= well I really dont know what to call it.

Now Im totally SUFFERING!!! Damn!!! I hate sick too~~~ baru 3 hari ndak cukup tidur oledi sick~~~ hampir2 putus nafas because cough so much...Damn it. Like I want to die now...=.=" HELL NO!!! Im not accept dead because of sickness...not worth at all. If I die protect someone I truely LOVE. That's even more worth than die because of money. I rather accept that than because of sick. Well...all I can do now is staying away from what I was told to and stay calm. But still...=.= I really do MISS her!!~ Haiz~~~ Im totally become crazy because of this. Damn It...because of this I become totally emo. =.=" well emo got nice hairstyle. At least give that to me lar...lolz. Iskk...AAARRRGGHHH I wanna scream so much but I cant let it out~~~ Everything in my mind and my heart. DAMN!!! How to let it go??? Why is it falling in love is so much painful than break up??? I thought break up are much more painful...Haiz...nvm lar. I'll just take His advices as told. I just have to be patient and wait for the answer.

P/s : I MISS HER SO MUCH!!!

Dream or Guide???

2009-03-17T15:24:00.000+08:00

I had a dream today...

Well...its about the girl I LOVE actually. Not like I dream about her lar...its something like maybe her relative I think...He tells me to stay away from her. Im totally confused what to do...should I really do that? Well...I never take other people advices when Im in LOVE...so I guess I should do it...Im not sure what the dream real meaning but...I got no other choices. I just have to stay away from her. Not sure how long...I just wait he give me some guide again. Sad oso lar but what to do~ He tells me not to disturb her, stay away from her, and dont get involve in her relationship or problems. I been thinking whole day...I guess I'll take that advices and wait for another guide from him. Maybe he want to help me...guide me for LOVING the wrong girl at the wrong time.

Okay Sir...I'll take your advices. I'll stop here and go to my own world. I'll stop for involving anyone problems. I'll stop helping anyone for my own good. You are right sometimes. I'll help a lot people but I still get nothing. Do it really that worth to do it again n again? Your questions totally confused me a lot. All your questions still stuck in my mind. Im totally dont know what to do but thanks for your guide. I'll take your advices. I usually very very very stubborn when Im in LOVE. I sacrifice a lot but at the end I still get nothing in return but Sir..=.= I never ask something in return. Im just glad to help her but...Its my fault for fall in love to her. I guess what other people said are true. Dont always be so good person because people might use me then at the end...I get nothing.

Haizzz...Ok lar. I go to my own world from now on. I'll stay away from everything you told me to. I'll do what you ask me to do.

Thanks for your advices.
Thanks for guiding me.

Places To Stay Calm

2009-03-16T23:29:00.000+08:00

Today at 9.30pm until 11.30pm I stay at the beach tanjung aru to calm my feelings...I shouldnt get myself into all this mess. I feel so guilty now...but Im glad to be able to calm myself in such a short period time. Lolz Im so embarresing when all people look at me sitting down alone in the beach. Im totally feel guilty oh!!! IM SO SUFFERING!!! Why this things happen on me ar~~~ Why did I fall in love with her ar??? WHY HER??? GOD!!! Answer me!!! I just pray for your protection, her safety n happiness. Even I wanted them to break up but I feel guilty if it happens. Macam sumpah diorang to break up. I pray for her good...bukan pray so that I fall in love with her~~ Hiyooo...Now I deeply in love with her but she got BF. Even they really break up...How can I express my feelings to her??? How can I convince her that my feelings are real??? AAARGGHH!!!...Im still so young...I still not enough experiences to face all this. I dont dare to ask my friends because I scared they advices dun suits me at all. Sekarang sakit hati gao gao...I cant control myself anymore. I cant control my feelings anymore. I duno why...I also explode oledi. Haiz...OH GOD PLEASE HELP AND GUIDE ME!!! I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP NOW!!! T.T uhuhuhuhuh...I cant stop crying...I feel totally guilty the actions I make. I need someone~~~ T.T Please...anyone??? uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh....

P/s : Beach Tanjung Aru and Taman Teluk Insan Likas...these to place is a good place to calm my mind. Anyone who having hard time contacting me...I always there. I cant tell everything right now...Im totally SUFFERING and IN PAIN...Im totally CONFUSED about everything. All I wanted now is to stay beside the girl I LOVE...I really do...but...I have no guts. Im phobia oledi...T.T This blog the only very close friend I had. He listen everything I write here...AARRGGHHH I truely nid someone arrr~~~ T.T uhuhuhuhuhuhuh GOD HELP ME!!!

P/S : Sorry to all my friends...I wanted to be alone for a while. I cant think very straight and carefully now. If u wan find me...there are 2 places I go. Good Luck everyone...Be Happy oh. ^^

I Must Stay Calm...But still I LOVE YOU.

2009-03-16T20:59:00.000+08:00

I must stay calm now...I never thought I fall in love for her at bad situations. Well...its her bad situations. I cant believe this is happening on me. I never thought fall in love are more painful then break up. Its so painful when you cant express your feeling. I been thinking if I express it now...What will you do? What will happen then? Can we still be like the way we used to be? Damn...Im been acting crazy because of this. I just...well...its not totally the same feeling I had with my ex-GF. I never love someone more then my ex-GF. You are the only one can replace her in my heart. But I scared you might run off and we never be able to be like the way we used to be right now. We are like very close friend now. If I express my feeling to you...Im scared things get worst. Im scared you cant take it because it is so sudden. You probably suprised how I can be like this? But...cant you feel anything? I'll be there for you always so that I can stay together with you. Trying to make you happy...All those things I done for you because I LOVE you...but its so sudden Im scared you might stay away from me. I understand now why my ex-GF used to say she like me better last time before I flirt her. Im being so annoying right now. Im so sorry...Im truely sorry. I shouldnt push you so hard. Its just I dun wan to see you sad and disappointed. Please be strong...I ask God to take away all your burden and let me carry it all alone.

Dear Raymie...I wish you have better life right now. I pray for your safety and happiness. I hope you would go out with me as a very close friend next time. You seems to be...well...rejected me. I can understand that because of the situation you're in now is not in good shape. I wish I could do something with it but...I mustn't. Even your mum dun wan to get involve in your relationship. To tell you the truth Im very happy when I heard you wanted to break up with your BF last time. But when I think carefully...Im not suppose to be happy at all because...you actually trust your BF that day shows you that you still love him. You last long until this moment...Please Raymie...dont be like this...dont leave me. We just been together for half a year. I dont want to lose a friend like you. You're the only one I got now. You're the only one I truely TRUST...I never trust other girls like I trust you because its how they treated me. You treated me good even you have BF...you never cheat but you're being said you cheat. So cham oo u...so innocent but BF din trust you. Now he yang treat you so bad...cheat on your back. But you still love and trust him. You protect him so much. Im so jealous of him right now...I cant believe a girl like you being treated so bad. I really do wish I could have a GF like you. Now actually I was trying to say I LOVE you by helping you. I sacrifice my time for you. Even my friends try to bring me go out...I rejected them because I wanted to stay with you. If can I wanted to see you everyday but...its totally annoying. I macam orang gila yang selalu want be with the girl he LOVE. Maybe this is why my ex-GF break up with me because I just cant let her go so easily until you came and knock my door. You found the key in my heart but you open my door just as close friend. Im so happy to have a friend like you, Raymie. I really do...I also hope you visit my blog and know all about me. I cant express it in front of you because it is so sudden right? At the same time you have problems with your relationship. People do crazy things when they're in LOVE.

Dear Raymie...please...dont go...I LOVE YOU. I dont want to lose you. All I need from you is your TRUST. Even you not love me...I will at least try my best to make you happy. Honest Happiness not acting one. I miss your smile when we 1st have our yam cha in Easy Way, Lintas. I will never forget about that beautiful day. That day you truely have your honest sweet smile. But now...you been acting so weird. I sad to see your smile like this...not rili honest one. Many girls out there so jealous about you and hurts you so much. But you still have many many friends that still CARE about you. I really want to carry your burdens...I dun mind at all. Just share with me...let it go. Dont put everything inside your heart. Im in deeply pain because you did that. We got same in common actually but I never thought your burdens are much more heavier then mine. Because of you...I'll be able to let go my past relationship. You are the only one that bright my room...and now you're in trouble I shall be your ANGEL and light up your room. You have live in so much pain and suffering world. Let me hold the key to your heart. Let me the one bright up ur day...even we just end up close friend. I dun mind helping you because I LOVE YOU. Dont be suprised k? I also suprised that I fall in LOVE with you. I just too confused n not being "rasional" at all. Actually I do have feeling on you at 1st sight but I just cant believe after half a year being close friend. I fall in LOVE with you...Its just I duno how to convince you to believe my LOVE is real or not. I always thought you could see inside me because you have that ability. I do agree your BF now is a good person but...he dint treat u good all those months you're together with him. Please stop this...you deserves better then he is. If he truely love you...why he still going out with his k-moi? Said he was drunk n this n that. It just an excuses you know. He would never do this if he really really love you but you're blind because you love him too. I just stay behind you watching you caring so much to the wrong guy. I cant do anything about it because you might think I try to snatch you away. Actually I wanted to but will my actions make you happy? No right? so...I just stay silent and support you from the back. I dun mind suffering in pain n hurt while watching you still care to the wrong guy.

Well...whatever it is...Please go out with me...I just wanted to bring you someplace that you might never go before. I wanna walk the path that you are walking now...I wanted to be by your side to make you happy. Dont worry how your BF might think...he treat you so bad...he deserves it. We just go out as a close friend. Lets gai gai lar...^^" Please accept my invitation...

I LOVE YOU!!!

2009-03-16T10:30:00.000+08:00

I totally LOVE this song!!! It gives me strength to continue find my true love. Oh YEA!!! XD hehehe I also love this song because of the rhythm & beats. Very meaningful lyrics but I do hope It works in flirting. Because I really cant express my feeling by saying the words "I Love You". I dont have the guts to do it...I really wish I could say it with all my heart to the person I love. But tertelan itu words...and terpaksa use song or music that related with saying "I Love You". And I found it...This song is SUITABLE!!!! I must use it for back up...I have to change and use my own mouth to say the 3 magical words...AARRRGGHH I cant believe Im into this thing again. Damn...I fall in love again and I duno what to do about it. Damn it...I truely need guide. >.< How to express it? How to let it out? I dun mind kena reject anymore...I must face this fear once and for all for my own good. I must try...I have to try no matter what. I mustn't give up...It been half a year I been together with her and I fall in love for her. AAARRRGHHH SOMEONE!!! GOD!!! Help me!!! Guide me!!! PLEASE!!! I help people but sendiri cant solve it.....>.< Haizz...I dont want to choose to be silent anymore. I must express my feeling to her but HOW??? I must think wisely what will be her reaction after I said the 3 magical words. I dont want to hurt her...I dont want to make her feel confused...I dont mind she rejected me...but how do I convince her that I really really really honest with my feeling??? Im scared she thinks that I only play play around...joking around. She is...well...in complicated things right now but...how do I convince her? and what will happen after I express my feeling? Will we be together like we used to be again? Will I be treated good like before? Im scared to get totally ignored after I express my feeling. I also duno how she feel about me...only friend? brother and sister? Not sure...

I want something like...after I express my feeling. Even she rejected me...we will still be like the way we used to be. Like very close friend...more than close friend but not couple type because kena reject ma...Haizz...totally confused. I totally scared...Fuh fuh fuh...tarik nafas...fuh fuh...relax~~ relax~~ must stay calm~~ Nevermind...I'll find a way to express my feeling. I will never give up. I will stay by her side so that I know her very well. She need help and guide. I must heal her soul and heart 1st before express my feeling. Make her happy and always stay in good condition.

P/s : To the girl I LOVE...If you read this post. This song is for you. ^^ Dont think too much 1st. Dont give the answer 1st. Think carefully...I will be your side and listen to EVERY problems you have. I will help you solve it. I will protect you no matter what. No matter what happen I will accept you as who you are. I also need guide from you. We all need guide. I will never give up. Im not crazy...Im serious. You know something.

When You hurt...Im hurt too.
When I hear your sad voice...I sad & cry.
When You have problems...I cant sleep well becoz I think how to solve it.
When You need help...Im panic and think how to help You.
When I feel something bad might happen to You...I'll pray so hard.
When I heard many people chase You...Im sad & hurt.
When the time I feel down...You were there to cheer me up.
When the time I give up on something...You were there to light me up.

So...There's no way I just sit down and listen to your problems without doing anything about it. Things must be solve as fast as possible. I will HELP you. Even you reject me when I express my feeling. Even we just end up being friend. I'll still dont want to lose you. You the very BEST & CLOSE female friend I ever had now. You're the only one that really treat me so good. Im not suprise every friends you had all protect and love you so much. But Im a little jealous about it. Hehehe...I hope things will change. I hope time will heal you.

Please...If you need help. I will be there for you. I will help you no matter what. As a friend now...I want you to be happy. You all bones now...you dint sleep well...you dint eat well. We all WORRY about you. We all cry because of you. My heart very painful to see you like this. Please dont be like this. We beg you. Please come back to your old happy self again. I want to see you very honest sweet smile. I'll never see you happy before. You just smile like nothing happen but...you eyes tells me everything but I just silent. Next time I'll said it out loud. I'll let you know that I truely very WORRY about it. I CARE for you.

If You really and truely TRUST me...take my hand. Lets walk to the place where the star shine the land together. Lets walk under the moon light that light our path in the dark. Lets walk under the sun that give us strength and happiness together. Lets carry all the burden on our shoulder together. Please...dont hide anymore. TRUST me...Im HERE for You. I will bright up the light in your deepest and darkest part in your heart. I will free your soul from suffering so much. I dont want to see you hurt like this anymore because it hurts me too. Please...come out and take my hand. Get out from the darkest world you are in now. Lets together walk to the shining light upon us. Please...TRUST me and take my hand.

Suffering...

2009-03-15T14:27:00.000+08:00

Haiz...recently there are so many things happening around me. Some of my friends in trouble in relationship. So hard to settle...but I dun mind because I might learn something from it. The more I learn the more better in future where I know how to take care...well...whoever my special girlfriend is. To tell the truth I already give it up about this relationship things. I just go with my single life even it hurts me sometimes with jealousy. Even I found any girl I interested but it still cant make me happy like last time. Some say Im a great guy, this n that. Well...its not true actually. Im not that great...Im not those guys out there who know very well in relationship. Even I hope I find "replacement" for my heart. Im worried Im not be able to take care of her in the future. Come one...useless and lazy guy like me to have a girlfriend? That's why...its so hard for me now.

But Im happy to help all my friends and my new friends. Im glad their relationship dint end up rotten. It hurts me most of the time everytime I get into these situations but I dun care. If I say I'll help...I will help. Please dont try to stop me...It will even HURT me most. But not all the problem I can solve...because some end up break up relationship. Im quite disappointed and sad because of my failure but hey...Im human...Im not perfect. I do whatever I can do...I'll help whenever I can until the end. I will not stop helping...so please dun try to stop me because you worry about me. I do the best I can...the result is in your hands. Not me...Im just a 3rd party and help discuss peacefully. I'll ask straight questions...if you dun like it you have to accept it because its better to face it now rather then in the future.

Now Im so suffering because I was too jealous about those relationship. I never had those before. I really wanna feel it again. It is nice to have a partner to talk everything in your mind rather then keep it in your heart. But im usually will said "nothing...dun worry about me". Its because I dun wan you guys to suffer like me just to help me. I done so many bad things already. Let me suffer and take the punishment. Let me learn and guide myself so that I can be independent next time. But I still need help...to calm me mind...to calm my heart...to calm my suffering. I want someone who REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY understand me without telling my problems. Im a quiet guy so...=.=" ndak heran most of the girls I dated feel bored about me. Well...at least Im a good listener now. ^^ hehehe...

I even pray for all my friends to have better life...if girls I usually pray for their safety from anything bad happen. Well...I dun wan something in return. Im just glad to help. Its better to do some good deeds right...^^ sometimes it makes you happy even a while. Hehehehe...Hmmm...what else...Oh...I guess its nothing special now...I just wanted to write about this because well...this blog is my diary and also my life line. What's been going on about my life? something like that. But sorry there's no moral in it. It just my feeling and my experiences...It makes me a bit better after I write this post. Hehehe...thanks for reading my blog. Sayonara...

You Are My Angel

2009-03-12T09:12:00.000+08:00

=You Are My Angel=

dian hua li de wo
shi bu shi hen zhuo
an wei ni de hua
bu zhi gai zen me shuo
ta zai ni de xin
hua le yi dao shang kou
bo kai wu yun duo
fei lai wo de tian kong

ruan ruo de shuang shou
huan wo lai jin wo
ting ni de yao qiu
he hu ni de gan shou
an fu ni de xin
feng he ni de shang kou
you wo lai qing ting
song ni wo de er duo

* You are my angel
fei dao wo zuo you
zai ni de yu zhou
mei ke xing dou shi wo
You are my angel
pei ban wo zuo you
jiu suan hai zhe huo
lu di dou chen mo
ai ni dao zui hou /

(Repeat *)

duo xi wang
dao zhuan hui dao shi kong
zu zhi ni men
xiang yu de shi hou
dai zhe ni tao tuo
ji shi wo Look like a fool
ye xu zhe me zuo
ni jiu bu hui
nan guo

(Repeat *)

This song reminds me a lot about my past relationship...It also remind me when I got rejected a lot. >.< ouch~~

Well lets see....Hmmmm What I understand about this song is there is a girl who in trouble, sad and cry. And, guess what...there's this handsome guy helping her out. Trying hard to cheer her up, make her happy and accompany her. He try very very hard to cheer her up and make her happy. Everytime accompany her...hehehe he even teach her how to play piano. (Woorr...I WANT LEARN PIANO!!! Okay back to topic...) The present he gave her really...O.o really GOOD...an Angel. He even write a song for her...maybe to make her happy more but Im not sure. What I really salute is 1 message he IMMEDIATELY find her. XD HERO! but too bad...=.=" most girls find its annoying. Haizz...duno why they dint appreciate it.

No wonder the song title is You Are My Angel...hehe but...sadly and disappointed that the girl just treat him as best friend. Saw the last part about the bracelet? Forever Friend. Aaawww damn it...1st time I saw this video I thought in the end she love him too but...well...=.=" I can understand the feeling of sadness and disappointment when you love someone but at the end up being friend forever. DAMN HURT!!!

I was in this situation A LOT...I help them out...TRYING SO HARD but not all of them appreciate it. Even a simple thank you also dont have. When I needed help...I end up stands alone. But I dun mind about that. What I really mind is that when I help someone and they forget about me. I mean like pretending not knowing me at all after all I done for them. Im a type that willing to sacrifice everything for the girl I REALLY REALLY REALLY INTERESTED with...I dun mind end up hurt as long as the girl happy. I fail once...Im not gonna fail make a girl happy ever again. I will try to help her as long as she willing to tell me her problems. Im all ears...I will listen carefully. But...even I change being Good Listener. I still dint get what I always wanted. I still cant find "replacement" that can heal my heart. Well I do find but all got boyfriend oledi. So PAIN!!! So JEALOUS!!! You know how hard to find the girl I've been searching for??? Haizz...to those guys out there who got a very very very GOOD girls and they understand you very well and accept who you are...YOU ALL SO LUCKY!!! DONT HURT THEM!!! I'll.....kill you...O.O (Use Achmed The Dead Terrorist style)...XD wehehehehe...

I dedicated this song to...those I ever help. =.=" I dun really understand the real meaning of the song but I do know this song is nice to listen and very calm. XD wehehehehehe...

Please...do send me the lyric of this song. THANKS...^^

P/s: I also dedicated this song for my ex-GF. Thanks for being with me and teach me a lot. You deserve BETTER. ^^ And Thanks for NOT forget about me. I REALLY REALLY REALLY HAPPY to see your SWEET & CUTE SMILE again last time in Internet Arena, City Mall. Well it hurts me when I saw your BF with you but...what's more important is that Im so happy to see you again. You really change a lot...You are LADY now. ^^ Keep up the good work...Good Luck with your study. ^^ Dont ever give up...O.O I'll kill you if you give up...(Use Achmed The Dead Terrorist style again) By the way nice blog and arts you got...^^ wish got people buy your arts. Hehehe Peace...^^

Car Accidents

2009-03-11T12:56:00.000+08:00

What make car accidents happen?

Think~~ Think hard~~

Ahh...its so easy. Well...for so long I've been driving. Sometimes I do become one of them but I manage to control it. Wanna know why car accidents happen? It is because of the people themselves. They think they are better driver than everyone else. Got chance sure have chance. I dont believe that actually. I believe we have to value our life every second. Every seconds count when the word "DANGER" is coming.

Today I drive and go out go to post office. Need to settle something. Know what? Everywhere I go sure got DANGER...I'll be careful also no use. Other people not. They always think they better driver. What I mean is they're not following the basic rules of the road. They never understand the word of "Becareful". Most accidents happen because of people wanna be FAST & FURIOUS. Lolz...hey dudes, this is sabah. The nasty roads ever got in the world. Even sarawak have better roads now. Sabah? What happen? Not even reach 3 months the roads all got holes. =.=" such works~~~ say what? Susah fix road? need time? Hey...tell you what. Fix it PROPERLY the way west malaysia fix their roads. That way the word "SUSAH" wont appear in your mind. Okay already out of topic.

Now continue...until where already. Aaahhh yes..."racer" type drivers. This is mostly to those who have modify their cars and also for taxi people. Im disappoint but THANKS GOD...you are FAIR. They got accidents and learn their lessons. How is it feel when to fix your car? =D Big smile for you all. Hahahaha...There is one time when I was driving alone. Thanks God I try extra extra extra careful because for all of sudden...one driver who drive fast and you know la...potong potong line then last last...BOOM...accident. Man...Am I glad to see he's accident. You should be lucky you're not dead. Lolz...Anyway whats wrong driving slow and steady? Im in slow line also need to horn? Well...the more you horn the more I drive slow. I'll teach you slow line is for people who drive slow. Not "racer" type like you...Oh what? you never had accident because your driving skills so so PROFESSIONAL? Oh please~~ you might not accident but did something bad happen on you? Please wake up...Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga. Know what the meaning of that sentence? Hahahaha...serve you right.

Okay...hmmm what else ar...many kind of actions lar. I was so angry about it but...oh well...someday they will fall too. XD God is Fair. I love this...someday they will get their "present". XD hohoho if you die because of car accidents...I got no comments. =.=" maybe you do too many bad things sampai equal to your dead. But...dont bring innocence people with you. They dont deserve it.

That's all I wanna share...Thanks for reading it. ^^

Recovery and Mysteries

2009-03-02T20:54:00.000+08:00

Aaaarrrrrggghhhh!!!! HHHUUUURRAAAHHH!!! Its good to be back!!! IM...R.E.C.O.V.E.R!!!....uhuk uhuk...well not that much. Hahaha...At least I no longer suffer from heavy fever and coughing. Thanks to my Aunt that gave me antibiotics...=.=" it is truely strong medicine. Hehehehe...anyway Im glad to have my normal strength back although Im still bit sensitive to cold wind. I catch cold pretty easy for it. Oww~~ I hate sick but its the only way I could throw away my sweatsss~~~ Aahhh nevermind...I must training back but this rainy days really pissed me off sometimes...=.=" how the hell Im gonna go jogging if its keep raining after 5pm. Lolz...Oh well.

Hmmm...well recently...nothing bad or good happens. AH YES!!! There is something...a LETTER. It was written 5 years ago and...well...I think I disappointed the girl. I dint reply her actually. I wanted to reply now but...come one...5 years ago...impossible she could remember me anyway and probably she already back to her home town. The address she gave me is 5 years ago too where she still study in selangor. I was so so so suprised when I saw the letter. She was expecting me to reply her but I turn her down. Damn Im totally stupid and useless. I wanted to reply her and...well...if have any chance I just want to talk to her. I keep her letter for memory. ^^ Well I do hope and wish I bump into her. This kind of mystery really excite me sometimes. XD hehehehe...I wish I really really really bump into her. I dont care how she looks like as long as I able to know who is she. She called herself as Baby_Blue or Baby_Bule...=.=" cant remember much. Its written in her letter. I do remember I chat with her before but...I cant believe I just found her letter after 5 years. =.=" someone and somehow there are people who hold my letters. Everything about my privates always like...being control and...dibongkar. I HATE IT!!! Anyway back to story...She called herself as Baby_Blue and her real name is Mei Yee or A-Mei from sandakan. Oooookay~~ Thats quite near but...her address was show in selangor where she still studied 5 years ago. Damn!!! Where is this girl...XD hehehe...If I wanted to find her I have to go her university and find all about her but...where can I get such info and no way the people in that university going to help me anyway. It might happen like this..."OUTSIDER!!! Kick HIM!!!..." ooouchh~~ that totally embarrassing...Oh yea...her university full name is University Putrajaya Malaysia. O_O I REALLY WANT TO FIND THIS GIRL. Well...maybe she's the one for me. XD hehehehe Damn Im a BIG JERK for not replying her. She probably have boyfriend now or even married already.

Hmmm...so...do I need to find her or not leh~? Haiz...well...let God settle it. If got "jodoh" then we meet...if not...then wish her happy and good luck. ^^ hehe I guess this is 3rd chances I lost. The 1st one turn out to be disappointment...well its my fault anyway. I never blame her...I did before but when I think it clearly...everything my fault. >.< 2nd one is...well...Im almost wish the girl broke up with her boyfriend but I cant. Im not some of those people out there who like to break other people relationship to earn own benefits. Lolz...its totally against my promises. 3rd one is this one....=.=" the letter. Come on...what chances I have for a letter that wrote 5 years ago. No way the girl still single...=.=" She probably married already anyway. Okay...that's all I wanted to share for now. Hope you readers enjoy it.

P/s : This blog actually nothing special yet...Its all about what I've been through now. Just wait the time...= =+ I will RISE!!! I will SHINE!!! I will have everything that I lost...oh wait...not everything. I cant break up people relationship. Lolz...dont misunderstanding. XD hehehehe I mean I will come back as.....erm.....as....err.....you know....erm.....come back as.............what I wanted to be. Okay Bubye~ XD

Sickful Weather and My Feeling...

2009-02-25T02:19:00.000+08:00

Oh God Damn...I hate this kind of weather where from hot day then suddenly become rainy. Hot then cold...who would get sick at this time anyway. I wonder why my body so weak since I keep eating vitamins. =.=" izzit lack of exercise? Lolz like I have time for that. Every morning I have to send my mom and bro to work. How am I going to spend time on jogging and exercise? 5pm/6pm? Lolz I fetch my mom n bro too. I just wish I have time to exercise like last time again but its seem so hard due to my situation and the God Damn changing weather. Aaahh~~ its totally hard. Oh well...just go with the flow then.

About my feeling right now...hahaha this might sound crazy, stupid and totally desperate but not wrong right? To find special girlfriend now. Its good to have someone that you really can talk to all the time. Sharing feelings, problems and etc. Last time its happen on me but it was year ago. I spoil it with my bad attitudes. I really regret what happen then...I wish I could always listen but it always turns out to be disappointment. Everytime I wanna talk about something that in my mind. I always have no one to listen to. Well...no girls wanna listen to it anyway so I just have to keep it in my heart. Im actually straight person...I just talk right away of my problems but...hahaha...nobody willing to listen. I do chat with a lot of girls but none of them want to listen of my problems. Well i think probably I really duno how to talk with girls. I no longer know how to start a good conversation. Hahahah...stupid right? and most important of all...None of the single girls I chat is really serious about relationship but I really like those open minded girls who already have boyfriend. I always wanted to listen how their boyfriend treat them. (Well...ctually Im looking for a tips/hints from them...XD hehehehe...shhhhh) And also I dont really talk about this with my family. It just...well...totally not the kind of topic that suits with my family. I dont really talk much about my problems either because I know what will their advices are. Always the same...=.=" so why should share anyway. It just turn out to be worst all the time.

Also, =.=" I pretty shy to meet girls now because Im really ugly. I scared once they meet me, they wont want to talk to me or meet me for the 2nd time. It always happen on me a lot so...I pretty lack of confidence now. That's why its been so hard for me to find special girlfriend. Hahahaha...Yeah I know Im desperate but its not totally wrong about it right? Come on...Im 24 this year and still single? Dont tell me you want me to become 40 years old virgin like in that movie? Hahaha...Im totally disagree but thats life right? Many problems will come after one another. To be honest Im pretty jealous to all the couples out there. Holding hands, laughing to each other, chit chat and etc but some I really hate because of their bad attitudes. Come on...wanna do something go privacy lar. Dont so open...this is malaysia. I hate see couples out there kena checking lar, this and that. Wanna do something just go privacy. Dont let those "official gengsters" capture you. =.=" nanti ada "unofficial gengsters" disturb more worst. Now economy crisis...I suggest dont luan luan go out especially couple. Every night I go out I only go one place call City Mall...Its the only safe place I can go because of the securities there. Only City Mall securities are very responsible. Thats why I feel safe there. I know its bad to go out every day but...Im totally STRESS. Takkan simpan dalam hati...I dont want more SUFFERING but I do feel guilty everytime. I wanna go beach but my instinct always tell me dont even I have many friends to go with. Want find job also I need my instinct because I hate being backstab. Hardworking also want backstab...How to survive anyway? I dont really want to be BAD again. I dont want my wild attitudes come back. I dont want make troubles anymore. So please lar dont force me...I dint disturb you also.

Now most important is I must try to change my attitudes and calm my mind. I always stay in STRESS mode sampai my hair keep dropping. HAIR!!! DROPPPING!!! More worst...become more ugly. =.=" I try many product but none of them working. I keep wondering why...izzit my dietary? daily foods or what? Never get the answer. Last time my hair very tebal one even got drop also...now...macam sudah jadi orang tua. Less hair and more pimples...=.=" girls see also laugh because got botak botak...haiz...sakit hati. More lack of confidence because of this.

That's all I wanna share for now...It is what in my mind actually. Only my blog is my very close friend. He read everything what I wanted to write. XD hehehehe sot sot kan me? Even there is no advices at all...I still calm me down a while. At least I can still honestly smile because of this. =p hehehehe...well Thanks for reading this post. ^^

I Hate Being Part Of My Family Sometimes

2009-02-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

I hate being part of my family sometimes...I WANT TO LOOK FORWARD!!! Not BACKWARD!!! IDIOT!!! Dont always mention about the past...APA ITU JASA KALAU SENDIRI TIDAK MAJU? BAKA!!! STUPID!!! IDIOT!!! BRAINLESS!!! Dont argue with me using the past times...You cant fight me anymore!!! Im looking forward. KEEP THINKING HOW TO GET MONEY BY DOING SMALL BUSINESS. Thought I never think about this? Lolz...Im maybe pure kadazanese blood but I always have the brain of CHINESE PEOPLE. This is what you all want me to be right? I've been trying so hard about it. Ingat senang ka want get respect from certain chinese people, HUH? You thought LIFE IS EASY? You thought easy to communicate those king of people? Think about it...I less time to go back my kampung because of this. I WANNA LEARN THEIR WAY OF THINKING. That's why I only interested chinese people. Dont say I dont give some respect to my own race. I ALWAYS DO!!! But cant I be bit different from others? This is my life...STAY OUT OF IT!!! STOP TALKING ABOUT THE PAST. MAJU LA!!! BODOH!!! Sejak bila orang kadazan mahu maju??? DONT TALK IF NO ACTIONS TO BE DONE!!! You think I go out with my friends every night just for fun? Meeting new friends must have respect to each other. They look at me like chinese people but what happen if they know im pure kadazanese? Do you think I would get same respect? Think about it DAMN IT...My way of thinking FAR MORE DIFFERENT than you big brother. I DONT TALK ABOUT THE PAST!!! Ingat JASA ko tu MAHAL ka? Do you wanna know why I dint want to attend your wedding? ITS BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDITY!!! I've been control BECAUSE of you!!! MO ADA GF PUN MOM LARANG SAMPAI SYA TERPAKSA BREAK UP SAMA DIA!!! PASAL KO LA SYA SUFFERING. Sya sentiasa hormat ko sebagai abang tapi ko selalu anggap sya macam anjing!!! Ingat hati sya senang ka? Kenapa la ko ada kerja...I CANNOT BE BETTER MEH??? SOHAI KIA...KANASAI LAU.

Gggrr...I hate arguing about the past. Stupid...ndak pandai maju. Totally idiot. Totally no improvement.

My Feeling...

2009-02-18T20:05:00.000+08:00

Its been so long I dint write about "my feeling..." ^^...now Im going to write it again. The story still the same...well here goes again. ^^

Recently there's so many things happening on me...well I do go out a lot because I wanted to clear my mind. But my action always make my mum worried about me. I was wondering if I could have better computer. I might stay home and be in front of the super computer. XD but sadly...I have to go out to play the game I wanted to play. This game called Call Of Duty 4...the only game that make my mind completely clear and dint think about my pasts. Its a game where you become soldier in the game. It looks so real until its hard for me to kill someone. Hahaha...nevermind about that. Most important is that...the pasts haunted me again. Damn...I duno why. Suddenly I dream about it everything. From the beginning until the end of the day...everyday my dream is like...continue story. It makes me really uncomfordable and even hurts me a lot. Its been 8 days already. I tried not to think about it but...those dreams and my pasts keep haunting me. What I hate is that it is all about my past relationship. GOD DAMN IT!!! Looks like I still cant let go of my past. Well I tried so hard anyway. That's why I always wanted to play the game I played to calm my mind.

If I dream about the sweetest memories...Okay lar. But...hiyooo dream about the bad one...ITS NIGHTMARE!!! Everytime wake up sure the 1st pain I feel is in my heart. Really farked up...If headache because of not enough sleep Im still okay about it. But to feel back the heartbroken is totally unacceptable. AAARRGGHHH!!! Sometimes I feel like I want to suicide but cannot...=.= sure go to hell. Better I go out there help someone about their relationship. Biar la sendiri suffering as long as Im not those "thiefs" out there. Buat bagus kena balas bagus jugak lar someday. I dont mind suffering because its part of my life already. I dont mind kena cheated again as long as I dont hurt them. I dont mind I help people but they dint help me back. Most important I done the right things thats enough for me. As long as those people out there I help live happily thats more than enough for me already.

I really dont need anyone help except from my family because if people help me...I will keep rely on them. No...thats unacceptable. I must try my best to help myself so I dont need to rely on anybody else even they dont mind. "Bu hao yi shi" bah...keep getting help from others and you hard to help them back. Want balas jasa also hard...thats even make me more uncomfordable. >.< But anyway...thats not important right now. Whats important is that...I really really wanna scream and release my pain. AAARRRGGGHH!! uhuk uhuk...XD hehehehe Haiz...hard lar. Its totally hard...I wish to have better computer and a piano in my house. Better computer is for making remix songs. My friends have the software...piano is I want to calm my mind. Only if Im able to play better. Lolz...duno how to play. Hahahaha...well to have computer Im not only wanted to make remix songs but also I wanted to play better game. The game that Im talking about that is. hahaha...anyway...that's it for now. Im feeling better after I write everything here even though the "dreams" still haunted me. Hahaha

Thanks for reading it...^^

Jealousy of Pianist

2009-02-17T15:54:00.000+08:00

HUUUUURRRAAHHH!!! Im so jealous about this...See this!!!

This 2 only the example why I want to learn piano...I still got a lot a lot in my computer. Classic version is always the best. I really really wanna learn piano but dont have piano or keyboard at home. Haizz~~ so so sad lar!!! I wanna take piano classic course. Baru boleh compose lagu sendiri...can join church event again. Im so jealous to see those people who know play piano very well and able to compose any songs they want. >.< haiz...I wish I had a lot money now...buy keyboard. LolZ XD hehehhee...

Disappointment

2009-02-16T12:23:00.000+08:00

Aaaahh~~~ why disappointed? well...yesterday I go One Borneo to see the education fair thingy. Well I did find the course I wanted but so so far ooh!!! The arts of musical...I only wanted to learn basic. I want to know how to read piano chords, basic major and minor chords as well. Thats all...just like playing guitar but piano a bit different so I wanted to learn it. There is piano course in sabah but I cant find where especially teach classic musics. Classical is always the best. But sadly...so so so hard to find. So bored bah keep playing games, go out play, and do something stupid. Why not play piano? it would be more fun if I know many songs...Aaaarrrgghhh~~ terpaksa sabar again.

Well...that's all lar...>.<

Lonely Valentine

2009-02-15T11:54:00.000+08:00

Damn...Yesterday Valentine's Day totally bored and lonely. Just stay home and doing nothing. Doing work, play computer games, and watch astro. Im not saying that Im desperate but...IT HURTS man. To watch other couple out there smiling each other. Damn Im totally miss those days before but now no more. Oh well...just go with the flow. What goes around comes around~ just be patient then.

Yesterday and today got education fair in One Borneo but I didnt go out yesterday because...well you noe...I scared to get hurt and jealous to watch so many couples out there. Today sunday...I must go out to see the education fair. Just take some browser to see if got anything suits me. See mampu go study further or not lar. hahaha no money no study loh. Hutang pun still got now. If wan study again...susah lar. Age already 24 this year and still wan study. Belum dapat kerja tetap. Haiz...because of economy crisis, its been so hard to find a job. Terpaksa join many event hoping kena sponsor. Now I want to learn piano...classic type. Got event then join...also hoping got sponsor to go outside learn more and join ochestra. I must do something different in my life. If not how to survive just with cooking skills.

Well...thats all lar. Lonely Valentine totally nothing to do. >.< got target also got boyfriend already. Some even ignore me and some being so...well...=.= tinggi permintaan. Example : They want rich boyfriend, tall, handsome, and sweet. God!!! DAMN!!! So choosy. I been trying not to be so choosy already...I guess my effort only a waste. Haiz...nvm lar. Just keep moving then...

Valentine's Day

2009-02-12T20:57:00.001+08:00

Valentine's Day

The day where all couples out there get together. Damn...Im so jealous. I still cant find any single girl that fulfilled my type of dream girl. Well...I do find one but she already has a boyfriend. Damn...that's totally hurt when I think about it. I admit I do have feeling about her and I dont know why I can fall for her anyway. Maybe I knew it but I just dont know how to explain it. Its been so hard to explain this kind of feeling even this is not the 1st time I get it. I just know I scared to fall in love again because last time I got hurt so badly. But I still believe there will be a girl out there that fulfilled my type of dream girl. I just have to wait and be patient again. Haiz...I lost another good girl again. Damn...I thought I would have a slight chance to be able to flirt her and be together with her. But...its only in my dream anyway. Its really HURTS me a lot when I keep thinking about her. Its been so hard for me not to think about it but...well I tried anyway. Just time will heal me.

I feel like I wanna scream and let go of my feelings but...I just cant. I have to store it in my heart again. ITS HURT A LOT!!! Especially when I dream about it. God Damn...maybe this is a test from God. Who knows...If it is test from God then I will accept it even it HURTS me a lot. But this kind of things always end up confusion. She do has a boyfriend now...a boyfriend who is WAY BETTER then me. I cant bare to break them up just because I have feeling on her. I cannot break their life for my selfishness. I just cant...its against my promises. Sometimes I want to break it but...at the end I still cant. Thats why it HURTS me more if I break my promises.

Well...enough talking about me. ^^ I wish every couple out there have better relationship in the future. Wish you all always happy and good luck in everything you do. Hahaha...dont do something stupids also. If not the result ends either good or worst. If up to you all...but if you need help or any ideas from me. I dont mind helping but Im very straight one. So becareful and "Tahan Hati" because its for your own good. Dont mind about it...HELPING is way better than STEALING.

Thanks for readding...

HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY!!!

p/s : Actually I want to give the picture above to the ONE I have feeling with. It just I dont dare to. Haha...I got no guts to do it. ^^" Oh well...=p

The Way Of Life

2009-02-12T20:18:00.000+08:00

Wow...time pass really fast. Its like...well...Im having hard time to explain everything right now. I just feel that the time pass real fast this time compare last year. Its already February now and March is incoming within 2 weeks. OMG!!! Even I dont have work right now and still searching new one because I got kick out in my last work. I still feel time pass really fast. >.< really God Damn It. Recently there's many things happen on me. Well...mostly nothing good happens. Still the same old luck I had. BAD LUCK!!! oh well...just go with the flow anyway. If I have enough money right now I would go Singapore and start a new life. Why not working in west malaysia? Well...let see. First of all because of my attitude might make myself in danger OR Im too good not to counter every bad things happen on me. You know west malaysia...everything MESSED UP there. You cant even live quietly like in sabah especially if you are WEAK & STUPID. You just end up get yourself hurt. Now got a BIT improvement only where most of the youngsters respect each other even different races. Most of the old people would never ever make peace to each other and only stick with their own kind. COME ON!!! STOP IT ALREADY!!! This is Malaysia. We all should make peace and mix up each other to the road of understanding. How will we gonna have better economy if we keep fighting each other because of negative opinions such as "Cina Babi, Malay Fark off, Malay sial, Cina this and Cina that" such attitude always lead to negative thinkers in new generations.

There even more...especially different races of relationship. What's wrong with it? "Malay cant couple with chinese? Chinese must not couple with malay? Dont stick with those non-chinese or you get yourself become more lazy?" GET A LIFE ALREADY!!! This is you called yourself Malaysian people? Its so damn funny you live in malaysia but you never respect each others. Some people deserve respect even you are not allowed to couple with different races and culture. I seen many mix races and culture in one family and they really live peacefully. Why cant some of you think the same things? Its weird this been happen for so damn long already and still some or most of them still stick to their own kind. Ever since 4 difference races become best friends? Example : Malay, Kadazan, Mix chinese, and Pure Chinese friends together and always together. Laugh and have fun...same beautiful minds. If we have trouble, we'll stick together and try to talk about it. Even it might hurts us but we still be friends. We take what best for us even it might suffer us. This is way of life...we cant fully control it but we can manage and learn from it.

So thats why Im not interested working in west malaysia unless I found those people who have same thinking like us. The reason I wan to work in Singapore is not because of the people who can think better. It is because you can have bit better life in better economy country. Singapore is small but their economy is WAY BETTER than our Malaysia. WHY IS THAT? What happen in this matter? We Malaysian are huge community but why cant we better than Singapore? Why cant our economy better than Singapore? What is our government doing? Im beginning to hate Malaysia because of the stupid police forces...just because our minds better thinking than some people doesnt mean you need to capture us and talk about it without immediate explaination. Must go police station talk. Why cant straight away? Scared of lose faces? COME ON!!! THIS IS LIFE...YOU ARE NOT THE GOD. YOU ARE HUMAN. WE ALL HUMAN. FACE IT!!! Only a slight intelligent already want capture. God...Damn...It. This is why I never trust policemen. I called them "Official Gangsters". But thanks to some points I get from news and friends...I only think ONLY some of them I called "Official Gangster". WHY? Because "salah guna kuasa". Dont act big with the name of "Policemen" because in my eyes you ALWAYS human like us.

Another thing is...PTI = Penduduk Tanpa Izin or Pendatang Tanpa Izin. These people always make trouble and always take chances to crush us. I crush some of them for trying to "bodek" me. I promise myself I will never run away if kena "bodek". I would be more happy if they're using knife so that I can steal it. As a chef...Knife or Sharp things are our priority weapon or toys. If not...how can we all become good cutter. We all did injured using it but sadly some people use it as murder weapon. Totally unforgivable especially now...because of our economy many people not only PTI that taking chances to steal everything. Please...Dont be so selfish. I understand how you all feel but still we cant do anything about it. Only 5%-10% of the people think differently. 40%-60% think a little bit...OKay Okay. And, about 80%-90% negative thinkers...I wonder why.

It Must Have Been Love

2009-02-09T14:07:00.000+08:00

Isk...my eldest sister makin lama makin kasi susah itu tagged...but CHALLENGING is my nick name. Ho Ho Ho...dont quit. Belum cuba belum tahu, Sudah cuba hari-hari mau. XD wehehehehe

COPY & PASTE TIME!!!

It Must Have Been Love

I must have gotten people wondering just by looking at this entry's title.

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. You must write that song name down NO MATTER HOW silly it sounds.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal/blog.

Here goes nothing...

1. If someone says, “Is this okay?” … you say?
~ Out of Control (by MOVE...japanese rock/pop star)

2. How would you describe yourself?
~ Passion (by se7en)

3. What do you like in a girl/guy?
~ Forever With You (by Big Bang)

4. How do you feel today?
~ Heavenly Days (by Yui A. PV [Koizora])

5.What is your life’s purpose?
~ In The End (by Linkin Park), Numb (by Linkin Park)

6. What is your motto?
~ Blast My Desire (by MOVE...japanese rock/pop star)

7. What do your friends think of you?
~ Best Friend (by MMV)

8. What do you think of your parents?
~ I cant find the right one for this question...

9. What do you think about very often?
~ Arigatou (by KOKIA)

10. What is 2 + 2?
~ My Treasure (by Japanese singer...I cant read his name coz I get it from MTV)

11. What do you think of your best friend?
~ Best Friend (by MMV)

12. What do you think of the person you like?
~ All Of Me (by Varsity)

13. What is your life story?
~ All Good Things Come To An Ends (by MMV)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
~ Study Abroad (by Xing), Gotta Go My Own Way (by High School Musical)

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
~ Feel Your Love (by Jady in MMV), I Love You But (by Jeremy Thurber), Loveless (by MMV)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
~ OMG...I totally cant find whats in my mind...>.<

17. What will they play at your funeral?
~ Goodbye Days (by Yui)

18.What is your hobby/interest?
~ Breaking The Habits (by Linkin Park)

19. What is your biggest fear?
~ Loveless (by MMV)

20. What is your biggest secret?
~ Cant find the suitable one...

21. What do you think of your friends?
~ Friends Forever (by Spice Girls)

22. What will you post this as?
~ It Must Have Been Love (by Roxette)

Hantam sjaaa....So hard to find very suitable one since I dun have many songs in my comp...hahahaha. ^^ Anyway...hope you guys enjoy reading it...

A Friend Has Relationship Problems

2009-02-09T13:08:00.000+08:00

A Friend Has Relationship Problems...

Im here to share something that I seldom done before because not everyone want their relationship to have 3rd party or like people "campur tangan" their problems. Usually every couple out there will always solve their own problems but my friend that I know for...I think 6 months already if not mistaken. She share everything to me and...well Im very "kesian" her because she has a boyfriend who is always get drunk, go pub, and etc. Everytime public holiday such as like Christmas Day, New Year, and etc...The guy dint invite her go out celebrate together but go out with friends instead. Its so weird...I been asking myself about this guy. "Why his friends more important than his girlfriend?" There are still many questions but Im going to share a story that happen on saturday night, 7th Feb.

On that night...my friend was going out with her mum trying to find where his boyfriend is. She tells me that she been trying to call her boyfriend but dint get any answer at all. =.=" why like that one ar...so stupid guy. Then, she go this place called "Sky Bar" where her boyfriend is in there with...friends and his k-moi. My friend keep asking me wanna go in or not. I tell her the straight answer...go in. Well...she did and saw something that she dont wanna see at all. She tells me she saw her boyfriend and his k-moi holding hands together. BOOM!!! BUSTED!!! Well...If Im her...Im totally hurt that time. One weird part is she still smiling. Probably trying to get rid of the pain she just saw. I was in Internet Arena playing Call Of Duty 4. I get addicted to play it because this game require better skills to play it. Not like Counter Strike...=.=" Rush and always head shot and you win. But the game I play is different. Hahaha...okay back to story (Sorry about it). When I reach home...I call her asking what happen after she goes in the Sky Bar. She tells me everything. Im only got 3 words in my mind (OMG!!!). Then I think about it...why her boyfriend like that? So weird...She tells me she wanna break up with her boyfriend but her boyfriend cant let her go. I tell her a guy who cant let you go means he really really really really LOVE you so so so much. Even her mom tells her to give him "ANOTHER" chance...AGAIN. Lolz...this guy been given so much chances but still the same. On Sunday, my friend's "abang angkat" suggest her to meet her boyfriend and discuss everything. Tell him how her feel when she saw what happen last night. She did discuss with it and the guy been given "ANOTHER" chance...AGAIN to change himself. I dont know what conversation they have but I only know what decision she make. She wanted to break up but susah settle if her boyfriend cannot let her go. Probably scared something bad happen since her boyfriend WAS a bad person last time. Jenis suka bergaduh lar i mean...I did tell her if she still love her boyfriend give him another chance. Why not right? How bad is the guy also will change because of his mistakes. Even so many chances given already. If still love each other...why waste it? I can tell that this friend of mine totally "TOUGH". 0.o...everything she been through...is mostly bad situation. Totally honor her.

Now she waiting result from her boyfriend. The result she was talking about is the guy change his life style. Im not gonna say what kind of life style. "After few days then the guy will find her again." This part totally make me MAD!!! Why want few days??? Why cant change immediately??? YOU ARE A MAN...you should be able to handle it. You should be able to change yourself within one day. Girlfriend already hurting while discuss about her feeling but still need few days to change. CHANGE lar now...you already so LUCKY to have a girl that gives you so so so many chances. She still love you again even how bad you are. Apa lar...umur besar dari saya otak masih budak. Damn it...I tot im the one have a small brain...Cant believe this guy even worst than me. =.=" sohai kia...really kanasai. Super LUCKY already to have a girlfriend that love you even you are bad person last time, giving you so many chances to change yourself, and always find you when she need you. BUT...what you do??? HIYOOO...you dint treat her good. Sometimes I wish I meet this guy and wanna shout in front of his face and say "STUPID!!!!". Seriously...=.=

If I follow my feeling I would give my friend an answer to break up so that I can flirt her. Well...to tell the truth I do have feeling on her but I dont want to become "couple breaker who only think about his/her own goods"...I got sad also telling her to give this guy another chances. Yalar...sure sad lar because no chance to flirt her ma. But why not...better help them then become "couple breaker who only think about his/her own goods". As long as my friend happy...Im happy also. There is no way I wanna break them up so that I can flirt her. I even support this boyfriend of her because the guy got some same commons with me especially "cant let her go" that part. I still cant let go of my past relationship...Its still haunted me everytime I sleep. I keep dreaming about it everyday. That's why I hard to get enough sleep everyday. Mesti terbangun every 1-2 hours. But...past is past. I must keep moving forward. How big is the wall is I will always break through it.

Well actually I know what will happen already since I use "something"...Im not gonna tell what and how. But if I use "it"...I would end up so so so so tired because I dont need anything to activate "it". I just nid my own energy...I been using it for my own goods but I do fail a lot. Hehehe...only can success very very seldomly. ^^

Well anyway...I wish my friend and her boyfriend have better relationship. I wish them be happy together and I wish this "stupid guy" will REALLY change himself to better person. If only know using fist as a solution to all problems...I'll make you pay it worst in the future. Fighting is not a solution to all problems. I know lar you are "taiko"...but things will change. Everyone will change either good or bad. If you are "taiko"...settle every problems yourself lar. Name of "taiko" but has a brain of peanuts. Be smart and discuss peacefully...There will always some problems in anything you do even in relationship. Sure will happen like this...nothing free in this world. You want better relationship? You have to sacrifice something equal to it.

Okay...that's all for my share. I hope everyone enjoy reading and gives some comments. Please help me lar...I help people no one help me. Kesian la me...XD whehehehehehehe just kidding. Im just glad and happy I able to help someone. Even it hurts me too. Terpaksa tutup itu feeling and help her. hahahaha...

Answering Tag~

2009-02-01T13:28:00.000+08:00

RULES:
Bold the statements that are true to you. Italicize the statements that you wish are true. Leave the fibs alone. Then, tag 5 people to do the same test~

Copy and Paste time...XD hehehehe everything are my honest answers. Its what you want in your life right? So whats wrong sharing it anyway? hahahaha...Everyone have dreams too. ^^

I really really do miss someone right now.
I love to cook but lazy. (lolz)
I really do want a lot a lot of money.
I wear glasses most of the time and seldom on contact lens.
I love to play games. (Any games that excited me)
I love to do sexy dance. (wakakakakka)
I can jumper very high.
I am very lazy right now.
I am millionaire.
I love to sing.
I can play any instruments.
I can play guitar every well.
I can play piano professionally.
I want cute, sexy and pretty girls.
I want girlfriends.
I love girls.
I love gays.
I make love with gays.
I kill someone.
I save someone.
I can dance very well.
I can do backflip.
Breakdance is my life.
I can drift my avanza.
I want to go Japan and Korea.
I love japanese and korean foods.
I have short and less hair.
I have long hair.
I have japanese hair style.
I am totally smart.
I want caring, understanding, and loyal special girlfriend.
I am very very intelligent.
I believe honesty brings the best policy. (Yaaa...!!!)
I broken someone heart before. (>.< sorry...)
I have been in threesome. (wakakakkaakak)
I have casino in singapore. (huiyoo...kaya kaya)
I am who I am.
I have a hidden talent. (ehem ehem)
I couldn't survive without money, wallet, handphone, glasses and strength.
I am currently single and available. (LoL)
Sometimes I am troublemaker.
I have a lot of friends.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I love to shop. (Yaaaa...!!!)
I am professional dancer.
I can breakdance exactly same like Bboy Baek using left handed.
I love japanese and korean girls.
I want to have special girlfriend.
I have handphone.
I love sex. (Lolz...who doesn't? Alien ka u? XD wakakaaka)
I want cute and pretty cosplay girlfriend. (hehehehhe)
I believe in God.
I believe everyone have their own powers.
I have powers.
I've rejected someone before.
I want to have cute and pretty special girlfriend.
I want to have special girlfriend that understand me very well.
I want to change myself.
I am very hard head most of the time.
I love to chat.
I would die for my best friends.
I am very traitorous sometimes.
I hate betrayal.
I love to watch AXN, anime, and manga.
I am happy at this moment.
I am fast learner.
I spend ridiculous money on online games.
I play World of Warcraft.
I wanna make love with two pretty and sexy girls. (LoLz...this is too much..wakakakakakka)
I work in cafe before.
I love kisses. (Im a good kisser...ehem...LoLz!!!)
I am on diet.
I am in combat training.
I can do many stunts.
I can run like ninja.
I want to make love. (who can tahan not doing it anyway...LoLz)
I can do kagebunshin no jutsu.
I have sharingan.
I have many clothes that I dont want.
I have 6 earrings.
I love piercing.
I have 6 packs.
I can run like cheetah.
I love kung fu.
I learn ninjutsu before.
I can do wing chun.
I have wings.
I believe the bright side of the death.
I believe in immortality.
I believe on ghosts.
Bad people live longer but good people die fast.
I can lift up big truck.
I make love with chinese artists before.
I don't know why I'm doing this things.
Many girls hate short guys like me.
I have happy life.
I have complicated life.

Okay...that's all. XD wahahahahha still got many tu but I totally no ideas already.

5 more people/ bloggers to tag:-
1. Jennifer (my eldest sister)
2. None
3. None
4. None
5. None

Hiya...see...only 1 person can tag every tagged things. T.T susah ooo...

Clubbing Day In The Bed

2009-02-01T03:45:00.000+08:00

Yoo~~ hehehe...Now Im going to talk about saturday night where my friends and I go clubbing in The Bed. Well...its been so long I dint go clubbing so why not...lets have a try again. Hmmm...Im gonna admit that this kind of thing totally different experiences. Ok jugak lar...but...the songs totally not my type. Totally no mood to dance coz the songs are different. Actually Im in hip hop world where there are rhythm and beats going on. But clubbing...more to trance, DJ and stuffs. So...yea, totally different. Its nice to have this experience but must always extra careful if not your value might snatch by other people without notice. Today quite crowded...well saturday night mimang lar many people. Hahaha...all got angpao again. I go in free coz my friends got open chivas. So free masuk loh...XD hehehe

I been trying to bring myself to the dance floor but...the songs...totally...not...for...me. =.=" I totally duno what kind of dances I want to perform. Terpaksa sit quietly and watch LENG LUIs dancing. Wah...cantik tu cantik lar but if you touch them mimang their BF boom you~ Hahahaha...But still ok lar. This experiences are very very very seldom to get. Its a new things also. Dont addicted ok liao...Last time I was addicted when I go Razz Ma Tazz but now...I CAN CONTROL liao~ XD hehehe...go there mimang boleh release stress if nothing bad happen lar. ^^

But got one part lar...TOTALLY make me almost puke. Uwekkzz...I CANT believe there are GAYs beside our table. OH MY GOD!!! They are KISSING in front of our table. Damn It...Mo Muntah!!! Uweekkzzz...lucky there's a girl doing sexy dances. Boleh jugak ubah focus. Hiyooo...This is the only worst part ever happen on me. Jauh2 ok lar...nie pulak dekat2. Totally Mao LitZ ooo....diaoo~~ =.="

The best parts? HoHoHo...of coz lar...pretty ladies, sexy ladies, n CUTE ladies. So many chinese girls yg small small and cute cute. @.@" I rili cant take my eyes of those kind of girls. SMALL & CUTE...MT MOST FAVORITE TYPE OF GIRLS. XD hehehe when they dance...hmmm ok lar. Cuci mata jugak...For pretty ladies n sexy ladies, well...ok oso lar but totally not for me lar coz...IM SHORT LAR!!! They all tall tall~~ Im the one not their type...lolz sad oso lar somestimes. But with my body now I thanks to God for giving me quick Reflex & Legs. I cant run FASTER anytime but I lack of stamina. Hahahha so embarrassing...XD

Overall...I give it 7 out of 10. Lost 2 points coz of the GAYS. Lost 1 point for unable to dance. Hahaha...XD Good Experiences anyway...Learn a lot too. ^^ So thanks for reading this post. hahaha Anything just share lar...^^

Happy Chinese New Year

2009-01-24T15:02:00.001+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

To All My Friends,

Happy Chinese New Year on monday 26th Jan 2009. The Year of Ox. Mooo~~ Mooo~~~ XD hehehe wish everyone happy, enjoyable in this year especially those who in a relationship..^^ and good luck! Wish you all get many ang pao that you wanted...^^ hehehe...many money inside la I mean. wakakakakakak not only ang pao...inside the ang pao is important...XD hehehe

Well...that's all.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR. Ox Year!!!

My Life Turns Out To Be Worst

2009-01-21T22:37:00.001+08:00

Yooo~~ ^^ See my title? hehehe well...I also totally speechless when I know about it. I thought I was able to protect myself but...its seem that I already got "hit". After I knew about it...I try hard thinking about since when I get "hit"? Why do I get "hit"? After 3 days straight of thinking about it...I still fail to find the answer. Hehehe...then I ask myself about my future. What will happen if Im not "cure"? Can I be "saved" again? Can anyone out there totally able to "cure" me? Still no answer...only God knows it. Hehehe ^^ well Im totally sad. Its really hard to know whether you will "cure" or not if you dont even realize you got "hit" already for so long. I dont even know how long already but...I already got into really bad shape. Now I still thinking how to "cure" myself. I feel like no one dare to help me...but Im glad there still someone try their best to help. But...the only one know about his/her situation is yourself. Well...I just realize about it. I hope its not too late to get "cure". And I also hope Im fully cured...I already suffering because of my mistakes especially in love life but that can be changed. Most important is how to "cure" myself? If I cant be "saved"...In the future...Im totally...well...get into worst situation. More pain and suffering is waiting. I dont want that. I want to go Singapore and work there. Earn more money to earn a living. To earn my own life...not depending on my parents. Been trying so hard to think all the solution but still fail. I wondering why...WHY?! damn it...

I will never forgive those selfish and irresponsible people in my life anymore. I been so merciful to those bad people out there. I even help them to solve their problems but what I get is NONE. All I get is BETRAYAL!!! Now its time for merciless heart. I will no longer show mercy to bad people. Not even a little bit mercy. Well unless he honestly change himself to be good people. XD hehehehe

My life turns out to be worst because...well...its truly hard to explain. I can give some hints but you have to face me 1st...XD wehehehehe so that you be more understandable and more careful next time. Well...I thinks thats all I wanna share for now.

p/s : I wanna share what happen on me but...Its really hard to explain. I dont want to see other people suffering so much while the other party happily ever after. I wish God will teach them some lesson when they died or live. Damn so black heart. They really dont know how PAINFUL and SUFFERING it is.

7 attributes

2009-01-18T10:48:00.000+08:00

I've got tagged by my eldessst sister...=.=" Ok here goes...copy n paste...done...XD wehehehe joking...

7 attributes of your dream woman/man:

1. Patience...its a must...so that I also can stay patience.

2. Accept me the way I am...can say I also din't know myself very well. Complicated because everytime I change myself. I do anything I want ONLY. That's why this is one thing I can't and very hard to change.

3. Know how to cook...XD this one is a must. Kemahiran hidup ni!!! Later can't take care own family loh. I myself not really good at cooking because honestly I don't have this word "creative" in my life. I can only copy other people idea. Trying hard to modify it. Well...this is me. "Everyone can cook but not everyone can be an artist". Remember that. No one perfect. I can do anything but only copy not original. This is my weakness...

4. Good Listener...XD yalah...every couple out there also must be good listener. I got a lot problems and a lot to show my expression but I can't. I still don't have someone I could REALLY talk to. Searching lar nie...masih mencari. XD

5. Understanding. This one also important to me because...Im a trouble maker sometimes. Well i think...maybe mostly. haha...If i stress, frustrated, or anything that disturb my mind. That one of coz lar...sure find trouble. I still remember I fight with 5 pilipin people without even get touch. I was very very very bad mood that time but kena bodek suddenly. Well...you know what happen. Even the security I punch until nose bleeding. Angry because they duno how to do their work properly. When people in trouble they run. If local buat hal...they come and stop. Really useless...TOTALLY. Im small...but DANGEROUS when fully angry. But nothing to worry...^^ I got disciplin. Only playing games can keep me cool or go out training...sementara single la...XD

6. Share passion with me...I LIKE TRAVELLING! Especially Japan, Korea, Singapore, China, & Hong Kong. WHY? FOOD!!! XD hehehehe...If korea of coz i wan to meet all the FAMOUS breakdancer in the world. Hehehe...Japan? HEALTHY foodsss...Singapore? MAKANAN MURAH & BYK~~ XD...China & Hong Kong? Cooking skills and variety foods. Other place like england, paris n etc...not really into it. Im more to asian. ^^

7. Know how to take care everything. Something like pandai jaga keluarga, jaga diri, n etc. This is important in any relationship. Kalo ndak pandai jaga...susah lar. Takkan sya...Sya pun terlampau byk kelemahan oledi.

7 women/men that you're interested in your lifetime:

Wohohohoo...interest saja lar...not really go for it because nanti orang cakap "You Dreaming larr" haiz...orang gitu mimang sial lar...kasi hilang semangat punya. Tapi sendiri like that...lolz wakakakka

1. BOA (GREAT Dancer)
2. Jolin Tsai (Sexy singer...lolz)
3. Utada Hikaru
4. Wonder Girls (any oso can suma pun cute...XD)
5. Ayumi Hamasaki
6. Horikita Maki (new actress i think)
7. Yui Aragaki (really good at guitar)

This is all my female IDOL. Top one lar...top on the list. XD hehehe Dapat shake hand pun puas hati lar...XD

7 feelings if you went out with the person you're interested in:

1. Dancer. Boleh share dancing idea. Because Im not really good at dancing yet. Must LEARN!!! I know breakdance but not so good at it lar.

2. Gamer. Well...this one not a must but also important. Something like know how to make urself entertain bah. Games also got many types kan? XD wehehehehe not only computer games.

3. Sporty. YAAA!!! This one is a must...so can do sports together anytime. Biar kalah...keep fit jugak tu. If i join tournament or something. She can give me semangat and ideas. XD Audience always see whole game so they know how to set strategy. Player hard...

4. She like to sing. Sometimes I feel really relax if the girl I interested like to sing even she cant sing well but she dare to sing. XD hehehe...

5. Not fully money eater. Means that tidak sebarang guna duit. Know how to use it WISELY lar...XD hehehe shopping also pandai kawal diri. XD If can...know how to stop me from buying junks or something not worth.

6. Dreamy. Day dreaming...this and that. Macam angan2 lar. DREAM~~ what will you do when you got this and that? Something like that. XD hehehe open minded oso lar...

7. Relax and simple. Patience. hehehe I like simple girl but I dun mind if the girl wear TOO sexy. As long as Im there to protect her ok sudah. People peeewwit sama GF pun terpaksa sabar lar...nothing to do oso. Just dun touch lar. Hands oso gone tu~ If she know that person ok lar...Just diam2 walaupun sakit hati jugak kadang2. Patience ma...If she hate that person and that person still touch her. = =+ I dun mind to take some ACTIONS. Cari pasal must give some lesson right?

7 special places you want to visit with your partner:

YAAA...TRAVEL!!! kalo ada duit...sure I go all this place.

1. Japan
2. Korea
3. Singapore
4. China
5. Hong Kong
6. Paris (Honeymmon)
7. Malaysia (Why? banyak beautiful place oso ma)

7 items/special stuff you might want to give as a present to your partner:

WOR...this one ar...hiyooo...got money baru I dpt give eh~

1. Necklace (Diamond)
2. Gym Set (so she know how to keep healthy)
3. PS3 (Together play...XD hehehehe)
4. Rings (hmm...preferable silver coz i dun rili like gold)
5. Dress, Clothes & Pants (seasonal, fashion, & casual...any la...I choose! not u...XD)
6. Handphone (LATEST)
7. Car (MyVi...coz i like it oso...XD)

If I got more money I could give something more better...something like...TRAVELING Tickets...that's the most SUPERB present I could give. XD

7 songs you might want to sing to your partner:

This one ar...oh damn...I really duno which one oo...I think I just put the title coz I dont rili know the singer...hehehe sorry about it. ^^

1. All Of Me
2. My Treasure (Japanese song)
3. I Love You But
4. Tell Me (English song...sing by By: Q...if im not wrong)
5. The Way We Used To Be
6. Don't Tell Me Its Over
7. You Deserve Better

Mostly this song quite...well...sad oso lar...XD

Tag 7 of your friends that you would like them to do this 7 attributes:

1. Beck
2. none
3. none
4. none
5. none
6. none
7. none

Why? Coz...less I rili rapat...Beck...huh...she like kena tag...so I Tag her...muhahahahahhaa Beck I TAG U~~

Bao - Eat You Up

2009-01-14T17:11:00.000+08:00

AAARRRGGHHH!!!! This video really inspire me back to dance more...BOA my 1st female IDOL ever. She can dance and sing very very well...Damn...Her dances really make me jealous. I wish I could dance like that "now"...XD but im still in training. Really sad that sabah dont have dancing class such as hip hop and everything that taught by really PROFESSIONAL dancer. Oh well...Luck havent come yet. Just be patient...XD hehehehe

Someday my team and I WILL BE ABLE TO DANCE LIKE THAT!!!

The New Beginning

2009-01-08T20:35:00.000+08:00

The New Beginning...

Aaahh~~ =_= Im totally no idea what to write here...hehehe but I do realize something but im not what izzit yet...totally no idea. It just everyday since the 1st Jan 2009 I feel something not right. Something that...well how to explain this...Hmmm >.< aaarrghhh~ Just feel something wrong. Oh well...dun think about tat negative stuffs 1st...woohohohoho but i oso dun have positive stuff...XD wehehehehe...If I have more money than there would be many many many positive stuffs...XD wahahahha no many negative stuffs...Challenging yea huh? XD oh well...just face it. Still not yet CnY...hope CnY day I could get many ang pao as I can...=.=" not just RM20~ Haiyoo...cry loh~ Haiz...nvm lar...better then nothing. XD wahahahaha

Now...

Well currently doing nothing...=_=" I just regret about last time...I spend too much money on games instead of foods...aarrghh~ susah lar...well its not too late for me...This year I definitely must kumpul money!!! Friends invite go out...REJECT!!! muhuhuhahahahah except go training...That is a must...Must getting STRONG!!! XD

I think thats all I wanna share for now...XD hehehe

New Year 2009

2008-12-29T13:09:00.000+08:00

New Year 2009

Time pass so so fast...nasib not like running water. Wahahahaha...but seriously. Time really pass so fast. >.< haiz...There still many things to do this year but terpaksa tangguh for New Year. Hmmm...really dont know what to do at all. Blur Blur Future...teruk betul. Sometimes I feel regret for what I am now but only what I learn only can let me survive. I wanna learn new things...But it seem to be late already. Due to the economy now...I really dont dare to learn new things. To be cook really stressful & frustrated. But what to do...only this skills I learn & dint upgrade it so much. Now I just realize I have to move on. But 1st of all I need to change my attitude. I really bad at it. Haiz...susah la like this. Everytime also like this...so so hard to change sometimes. The bad attitude always come back at anytime.

Anyway...I wish everyone Happy New Year. ^^ Good Luck & Stay Healthy always. hehehe...=p I wish my family and my friends always happy. ^^ I also wish I could be happy but...there still many things to do. ^^ hehehe...

Peace...

Breakdance!!!

2008-12-27T01:06:00.000+08:00

BREAKDANCE!!!

This is the 2nd reason why I want to be strong....HOHOHO becoz I wanna dance!!! Let me show you why I like to breakdance...1st reason...See these videosss~~~

Nice Videos isn't it? Hahaha...Well...They are my Idol especially Bboy Baek...His skills really make me jealous so much. @.@" I dont care how long I can be like him as long as I be able to dance like that someday. XD hehehe

Sometimes jealousy also give us strength not to give up quickly. XD hehehe

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T14:44:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! ^^

Hehehe...well...Im happy to see everyone happy on Christmas Day. But for me...Im not really happy at all. ^^ I duno why but...at least my friends all happy. Hahaha...I wish everyone happy and good luck everything what they doing. I go church today and I wish everyone be happy except me. I ask for God to take care all my friends especially my ex and her BF. Well...I wish they happy together. ^^ I ask for suffering more so that I can pay back my loses past 3 years. I've been enjoying so much this years and never think about my future. Well I did sometimes but it stress me more. What I cant forgive myself is when I was with my ex. I didn't listen to her and always keep secret from her. Its not that im lying about my relationship. Its that I lie for her own good...I dont wan to hurt her. Her parents doesn't seem to like me anyway so I think it is better I accept every decision she made. hahaha...Now im glad that she didn't choose BF someone like me again. She with someone who have stable career and really can take care of her. Not like me...I have no bright future yet. I was really such a fool for not listening to anyone especially Her. I've been so stubborn. Now Im very regret about it. I wish I could turn back time to correct all my mistakes but...even I could turn back time. It doesn't mean anything too. Why? because this is what life really mean. People won't become strong if there's no BIG WALL in front of them. Either climb the wall or destroy it. Im still hurt about it but...hehehe ^^ at least they all happy. They happy Im happy. That's enough...there still many roads in front of me. I choose one road which will suffer me more but I must pay all my debts and my stupidity for past 3 years. I must repay everything if not I couldn't forgive myself for it. ^^ Anyway...I wish everyone safety because every end of years. There's always danger going on. I really hate those low life people for disturbing our peace. I really do hate it. That's why this is one of the reason I want to be strong even though I have weak heart. Doesn't mean I have weak body and mind. XD heheheh puji diri sendiri dulu. Must lar...cannot stay low ony ma...XD hehehehe

Haiz...susah lar become small like this. Not tall enough...Tall and big people owez bully me. I really hate it. But im glad God give me speed that I been wanted but I will end up exhausted. hahaha...Laju tu laju but at the end...BOOM...K.O. Tired...wakakakakaka Last time I almost out of breath coz of testing my running. Very fast but...im almost collapse. @.@" hampir hampir black out. Damn...hehehe nvm lar...XD

Anyway...I wish everyone the best and happy owez. ^^ Good Luck in everything what u guys been doing now. Stay healthy and Strong. ^^

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!!

So into jealousy but...=p

2008-12-19T18:39:00.000+08:00

Haaah~~ hahaha...so into jealousy...=p Hehehe

Sometimes...I duno why and which part of me that makes me happy while watching other people life out there especially those who in a relationship. Its like...I duno...but kinda nice n calm to watch them smile to each other, holding hands, some put their heads on shoulder while holding hands n etc. Hahaha...so jealous but weird that it dint make me sad or disappointed about last time. =p...I think i should become photographer. Let me take photo for those who in a relationship. XD hehehe really damn it oh me...like stalker. I think really stalker. WAakakakkakaak but i dont think malaysian people like their photo taken while their holding hands or doing anything couple thingy. Why? Hiya....MALU la apa lagi. Nvm de lar...XD I put it in my mind ok edi...or make blog without photo. XD

I dedicated all this songs for them and anyone who read this post...^^

Hantam sja...duno suits or not...Nice songs I just put in ony...XD hehehe

Fun stuffz

2008-12-18T21:14:00.000+08:00

Cosplay

What is cosplay? cosplay is cosplay... ... ...heheheh just kidding. Cosplay means you bring your character to real life and most important of all you act everything you cosplay. All the pose, actions and style. XD

Here some example :

Haiya...I give 3 Best example only lar.

Now...Here some SCARY game!!! 1st View Shooter...What kind of game? Lets see the Review...ngek ngek ngek!!!

Hohohohohoho YES!!! Its...Left4Dead!!! Left 4 people to die!!! All have already become zombie!!! This is the best shooting game yet...confusing and dizzy. Hahaha...XD

Another Goal

2008-12-15T20:05:00.000+08:00

Another goal...

I want to be STRONG and never FEAR against bad people. IM TIRED OF WATCHING PEOPLE GET BULLY WHILE OTHERS JUST WATCH WITHOUT HELPING!!! I wanna help but scared. Now a days...I always scared of pain because of the pain I hold on my heart. I want able to kick straight to the head. One swing, One Blow, One Life. Thats want I want against bad people. IM TIRED OF BAD PEOPLE WONDER AROUND DISTURBING OUR PEACE BUT NO ONE TAKE ACTIONS. STUPID!!! WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING??? WE ALL MALAYSIAN!!! TAKE ACTION LAR!!! STAY TOGETHER FIGHT AGAINST THEM. INI 1 ORANG KACAU 10-30 ORANG NDAK BERANI TOLONG. BODOH!!!

Now...I train my body & my fists back. Well...I did it also because I wan to breakdance. =p hehehehe hiya body not enough fit how to breakdance ooo...Capoire lagi. I want my body to be able to backflip again like last time. Aaaahhhh that kind of feeling sooo sooo good. Now kumpul money buy punching bag. Must become STRONG for emergency. Must be able to protect myself. Selalu kena bully...selalu kena kacau. I always run. Lolz...of course lar I run. Since last time NO ONE...I said it again. NO EVEN ONE BAD GUYS EVER CATCH UP MY SPEED!!! HAHAHA!!! TULAH MAKAN DADAH LAR!!! Lari ndak laju. Cepat penat...kalo kejar mimang gerenti K.O sudah. Sana lagi sya ambil kesempatan pijak kepala ko. HAHAHA!!! AYAM MATI....GO DIE LAR ALL RUBBISH.

What I most disappointed is that own race also in drugs...buat kacau sini sana. HAMKACAN LARR!!! If I really dont care my life I oledi KILL u while u not even watching. Diao...Lucky for you I still can control my anger. That's why I want to become STRONG. STRONG to overcome my ANGER!!! If not...I oledi end up in jail. NEVER EVER UNDERESTIMATE ME BAD GUYS...Once you are my TARGET. Dont think you can escape. Isk...that's also why I MUST PLAY GAME!!! No GAME...I CANT CALM DOWN!!! ONLY GAME CAN CALM ME DOWN. So stop asking me to stop playing games. Games only can calm me down. Or...MONEY FOR SHOPPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD hehehhe many money sure I shop until I got everything I need. XD so many style in my mind I wanna try. Ngam me...ok...next time ndak ngam. Kasi orang jak for christmas presents...XD or collect them all and open 2nd hand shop to sell them all.

Okay...what else again. Hmmm...oh...i think thats all lar. I write this post because today I saw got people being bully at my work place. Im not sure they pilak or malay or wat. All I know they steal that kid Hp & money. I wanna help but...I oledi inside my car. Takkan stop engine in the middle of jam & go out help. Sure kena Hon gao gao...haiz...so sad and disappointed. Okay lar...until here lar.

IM SUFFERING AGAIN!!!

2008-12-14T23:36:00.000+08:00

Help Needed...

Why?

Well...I really still cant forget about my past relationship. People are right about it. Its easy to forgive but hard to forget. Even though I didnt meet here face to face but when I saw her my heart beat very very very fast & my whole body shakes so much. And fear taking over me again. Damn...I really wish I could forget & forgive. I been listening all my friends advices but its just...SO HARD!!! Aaarrrgghhh I AM SO NEED HELP!!! God Damn It...Why like this? I never had this kind of feeling before...I wish I could do something about it but...This damn "FEAR" has taken over me again.

I really scared to face it. I always run away. I been trying hard to face it but still cant. I dont know why...All my friends help me but I wasted it all. Haizz...why is it like this? How can I forget about it....ITS BEEN ONE WHOLE YEAR!!! AAARRRGGHHH SO FRUSTRATED~~~

So many beautiful & sexy girls out there...but still I cant forget about her. Haiz...everytime I think positively...Im still hoping I could get a girl like her. Average girl with brilliant mind. Help me a lot...but I didnt do anything in return. Such a lousy am I...no wonder I get rejected so easily. Even though I realize about it...I still cant change it. Well...at least I wish Her & Her BF always happy together & have a GREAT life. ^^ I dun mind suffering because of this. I must punish myself in return of those bad past times. I wasted a lot in those 2 years when im with her. I should have start working for the sake of her happiness but I wasted all the chances. Now I realize she has given me a lot a lot a lot chances but I wasted it all & make her sad and disappointed about me. So so too late...Its so too late.

Searching for replacement...well...I dont think I have the guts to do so after these days I been rejected a lot. hahaha...everytime I face girls...my heart beat so fast & i would definitely sweating. I try to overcome it but always failed. Make me always to come up any excuses to get away & be alone. haiz...stupid. =.=" Really stupid...

I wish someone advices...ehem preferable girls lar. Damn it...of course I must get advices from girls ma because they are girls. They know something...I LACK OF FEMALE FRIENDS OOOHH~~~ So really to understand girls before I started to flirt again. If not...will always end up rejected or break up at the end...Haiz...who wan that happen anyway. Wound on outside are more faster to heal than wound inside. Aaahhh~~ SO SO SO PAIN~~~

p/s : My Heart now is...really really really PAINFUL & SUFFERING!!! God...Help...Me....

My Feelings

2008-11-28T02:11:00.000+08:00

Finally...

Finally reach the very end week which I will resign. Damn...Im totally no life. Work and go home sleep. No time to have fun with all my friends. Masa terbalik...sigh~ selagi masih muda better enjoy my youth...I had wasted it last time. >.< so stupid am I...now i work as assistant chef with RM800++ salary. Well...OOooookay lar...but Im totally tired. I want off day also hard. Want have some fun also hard. I really feel like Im being used but that's ok. I RESIGN THIS END OF MONTH!!! Muhuhuhuhahahaha then I must rest at least 1 or 2 weeks to regain my health and make my body biasa bangun pagi. If not...ROSAK LOH MY BODY. Work as night shift suddenly work as morning shift without rest. Daripada sengsara...Better I take bit risk to rest and enjoy dulu.

Haiz...totally sad. This week suppose I resign but can't...what the fuck is "responsibility" if you don't care about my problems. Damn it...of course I must responsible but if people cannot tahan oledi. HOW TO RESPONSIBLE??? IM TIRED!!! I WORK SO HARD BUT I STILL GET NOTHING!!! I TRAIN NEW PEOPLE...kalo dia salah pukul dia lar...BUAT APA PUKUL SAYA??? WANT MAKE WAR KA??? This is FINAL!!! NO MORE HELP...NO MORE RESPECT. DONT CARE YOU NEED HELP OR NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE COZ OF BUSY. YOU ARE THE PRO...SETTLE IT YOURSELF!!! IM TIRED!!! IM SICK OF BEING USED!!! I WORK SO HARD & DINT DO WRONG. JUST BECOZ THE OTHERS MAKE MISTAKES DOESNT MEAN MUST HIT ME!!! YOU PERFECT KA!!! If you say you can do it...THATS MEAN ONLY YOU!!! DOESNT MEAN WE ALL CAN DO IT!!! YOU ARE THE SO CALL PROFESSIONAL!!! WE STILL NOOB!!! DONT TREAT US LIKE WE CAN BECOME PROFESSIONAL ANYTIME. WE NEED MORE TIME!!! ESPECIALLY ME!!! I NEED MORE TIME!!! I NO NEED REST KA??? BUSY PUN MUST ME ADA...EMERGENCY PUN WANT ME CHANGE TIME!!! YOU IDIOT OR WAT!!! PEOPLE "EMERGENCY" THEN LET ME GO LAR!!! BODOH!!! NAMA SAJA PROFESSIONAL AND A LOT EXPERIENCES TAPI PERASAAN & RESPECT LAAAAAAAAAAAAANGSUNG TIADA!!! Like that you better DIE lar!!!

Okay...thats it. You all know lar who I was talking about. I want to rest 2 weeks actually then ngam ngam 2nd week of december I work. Now my chance ony left 1 week rest. Haiz dunno my body can tahan or not. So hard to go jogging...so hard to train. Now many bad people out there again. I WANT TO LEARN COMBAT!!! I MUST LEARN HOW TO DEFENSE MYSELF!!! WHO!!! WHO CAN HELP ME!!! T.T haiz~~~ Sometimes I feel sad to be kadazanese coz so hard to join WUSHU. Must be chinese...haiz...HOW ARE LIKE THAT!!! Come on lar...Let me JOIN!!! I WANT TO LEARN!!! I WANT TO HAVE MY SUPER FLEXIBLE BODY & LIGHT BODY which can jump high. =p hehehehehe...

Okay lar...Thx for reading my feeling again.

By the way...Anyone know any place that I can learn japanese language? XD hehehe

Princess Wen Tagged Me

2008-11-05T01:39:00.000+08:00

I Got Tagged From Princess Wen...I think I suppose to say Aunty...eh eh...nono i mean Cute Aunty Wen...WAKAKAKAKAKA

1) Do You Think Im Hot?
- =.=" sweat...so perasan meh~~ later people throw smelly eggs more cham loh...

2) Upload your favourite picture of you.
- Hiya...I wish to have my favorite picture but...nvm lar...I update it as soon as possible...Of coz must nice nice de pic ma...XD hehehe

3) Why Do You Like That Picture?
- How do i know...coz i never had one yet...XD hehehehehehe

4) When Was The Last Time You Ate Pizza?
- Wah...2 years ago...XD hehehe iskk people taking care healthy bah~~ dun make me sick lehh~~ XD

5) The Last Song You Listen To?
- Bi-Rain NEW SONGS!!!!!!!!!!

6) What Are You Doing Right Now Besides This?
- Watching Dances & Breakdances in YouTube...and searching ehem ehem girlfriend in friendster, tagged, and facebook...XD hehehe if got lar...dun like dat bah...people oso pandai feel lonely ma...not easy find better den last time one...If girl sure easy lar...for man not easy de lohh~~ T.T hehehe..

7) What Name Would You Prefer Besides Yours?
- I like Rickz...XD hehehehe no lar...I love my name and I dun wan to change it...just put Alias...put "Rickz" i love this nick...XD sooner call me BBoyRickz...=p

People to tagged... ... ...erm...none ooo~~~

How leh~~ T.T

Anyway...ok lar...I admit I know play guitar but not geng loh...Know chords ony ma...hehehe my ears not like last time edi loh...listen 1 time can find the notes oledi...

Sacrifice For Better Life

2008-10-31T04:22:00.000+08:00

Recently...

Im totally feel I have no life at all...Wake up from bed then go work...After work just go straight to bed...Totally no life no exercise no fun. What kind of life is that? NOTHING!!! NONE!!! I need BETTER life!!! I have to sacrifice my current job salary for better life. Its better to have fun and able to release stress with friends rather then just working like hell. Im still young and strong. I should look for fun and brighten my life right now. Work sleep work sleep that can be use after have own family. Now still young and ehem ehem available...so better to go out have fun and exercise more. I been breathing oil and bad smokes everyday. And my health getting bad to worst. No way im wanted to die at young age with my loan that havent finish paid. Most suprising is that I suddenly have migrant. This is the 1st time I had it.

The meaning of this title is that Im going to resign my current job that have high salary for the sake of better healthy life. I have found morning shift job and work as bakery. Well...its the job that most suits me anyway because I always like to make dessert but too bad I learn a little bit only when I was practical in promenade hotel. Working in hotel...of cause when you become permanent worker there you have much much more salary but...no time, no life and no fun. Just before becoming one of the permanent staff...You have to suffer more than 2 years and the works all troublesome and tiresome. I learn a lot in my current job now. I learn how to handle and control quality of the foods. Most important of all I learn how to control budget. ^^ this is the most important part in any business. But I HAVE to resign this night shift job. I have to get morning shift job and do exercise at night time. I been in my current job and im totally exhausted and tired. I cant even have fun with my friends even 1 day. =.=" what kind of life is that anyway...I been taught by my chef but his style totally not suits me. Im not the person who would waste money on pub, clubbing or drink alcoholic. Im a person who would waste money on DANCE MACHINE for HEALTH...for FUN!!! But actually I most waste my money on expensive clothes...hahaha like must buy the clothes i like. XD I cant control this one yet...=p

Now to the main point...WHY? WHAT? HOW? WHEN? WHERE? XD well Sacrifice For Better Life...means I soon sacrifice my current job that have high salary and change to low bit bit salary for better life. For real Im not looking for money right now after I realize I still not enough experiences for high salary. So its better to learn and learn various type of skills so next time I able to do anything I want. I lack a lot of skills and wasted 2 years. Menganggur lar...stupid kan? haiz memang stupid lar...want tebus oso sakit kepala...>.< really kit si me. Better life means that I wanted to go out at night and enjoy my life...well actually I wanted to go dance at night time. hahaha...my team been waiting for me to teach them and train together. I also need to retrain and gain back everything I lost. I need another 2 years to be professional like last time. XD its a must...hahaha now I have my body and bit flexiblity...I need to learn balance. XD hahaha

When I resign? Well...this thing I have to discuss with my boss...I need to ask him to find new people for the kitchen. Just hoping that person able to catch up faster like me. hahaha...I can catch up faster anytime I wanted but due to my health...=.=" how to catch up??? sakit sakit dapat kerja bagus bagus meh~~~ lolz...Im so sad when my chef dont believe that im actually have weak heart and very very fast tired. That is why...only the person who sick know and understand their sickness. No one would...I realize about this when I keep on training for 2 months. I can no longer run like last time. But nothing to worry...I know my limit. hahaha...in my current job I keep push myself over my limit to finish all works. I have to...not because Im hardworking or wat...Its because I dont want to be tired by tomorrow.

Where would I work on morning shift? Well its at damai bakery...the shift starts from 8am till 6pm...sometimes early but I dont mind that. Most important I learn how to make cakes and breads. muhuhuhuhahahahahahahahahah...Then I try to make those cakes and breads with lowest budget then SELL IT!!! Must try this kind of experiences if not...when will I able to do it. Sometimes have to force yourself to danger zone to feel the pain of falling down then when you get up...thats how you will think how to solve it. When you can solve it...thats how you make a better living. XD hehehehe...

Aahh...I think until here lar...I write so much oledi. This is what I feel now. But I need to be patient and help my boss...even though sometimes I hate my boss for not taking new staff for kitchen but have to understand whole situation 1st. My chef havent realize about it yet because his mind he just wanted to have new staff and work easy easy. Well...its work...No work place that work with high salary and low responsibility. What about me? I work so much and I dont even take off day when got emergency...? I wanted to go back kampung to show my respect to them...I wanted to go wedding to show respect...But I sacrifice everything just for work and my salary not as high as it suit. I never ask more...I just follow orders and do as it should. But what I get in return is totally different. So i have to sacrifice my high salary for better living. Im not going to destroy my respect from my families again. If not someday I marry no one come. Thats more sad...Later apa mo pun ndak dpt. Lagi susah...Better susah now than susah in the future. =.=" hahaha ok lar enough lar. You see I cant stop writing about my experiences in my current job.

Cancelation on Joining RedBull Event

2008-10-28T03:21:00.000+08:00

Aaahh~~

Im so so so sad ar~~~

Cant join the Redbull Event not only because of work...it is also because the competition need 3man battle...no solo~~ hiyakk...haiz nvm lar...now keep on practicing. Dont wan to lose another chance again. Soooo many chances but all oso misss~~~

So to all my friends who really wan to see me dance...sorry loh~~~ I cant do it...but wait my REAL team geng...then we give a show that all sabahan never forget and bored...muhuhuhahahahahahahhaha SABAH BOLEH BAH!!! XD...

Dancing World

2008-10-14T02:10:00.000+08:00

Stepping Into Dancing World Once More...^^

Aaaahh~~ This feeling that long lost has finally return. My...ehem ehem...fit fit body...XD no lar...not so fit oso just light...wakakakkaa but its so nice to be back again. Dancing for inspiration...for fun...for health...for future. I heard some people or maybe most people says that dancing wont be able to make money at all. Well...my comment is everything is just the same. Making business you need modal or something. Working you need to be more hardworking to gain more money. So why not dancing? Dancing is fun and healthy...its doesnt mean it is impossible to do it. So...TIME is just answer. Nothing is impossible in this world anymore. There's always an idea can fulfill it. ^^ No Pain No Gain right? hehehe...

Today I got sore throat...one of the most hated sickness...whenever I sore throat my whole body sure weak especially when I keep coughing. It will make my heart pain so much. >.< but anyway...thanks to all my training and dancing. My body can handle it. ^^ If im the FAT guy last time sure...sick terus K.O. Now sick also can dance well...^^ Im glad im doing it. I wont listen anyone bad comments anymore. It just makes things worst. Better healthy then doing something stupid. muhuhuhahahahahha want challenge? lai lar...Run 100m with me. See who more faster and energetic. XD hehehehe just kidding...I sure lose if you an athlete. XD..

Anyway...Thanks to God that giving me strength for everything. ^^

Let's Dance!!!

Dance For Inspire!!!

Battle!!!

...erm...support me on 22nd November, Saturday. XD cheer for me lar...Im SOLO battle breakdance ar~~~ T.T no support sure will lost eh~~

Step Into Dances World Again

2008-10-02T03:49:00.000+08:00

Aaaahh~~

Its feel totally come back to life...^^

Step into dances world again really tiring. You all know lar~~ tulang tua sudah...but...hohoho with no lack of training...ANYTHING POSSIBLE!!! ^^ But weird...some older people says "Dont dance lar...waste your time and energy." =.=" Hmmm why leh? It exercising and fun ma~~ wrong meh~~ hahaha...but for my dance type sure probably waste lar but...its all I know to do...hahaha

What type of dances I do ar? Breakdance loh...its the only way to have...ehem ehem...maybe 6 packs...XD hehehehe but its healthy also. Be EXTRA careful only ma...hehehe

Coming this 22nd November at One Borneo...there would be a BBOY Competition sponsor by Red Bull Company. I cant waited that very very very GREAT day but kinda nervous to go up on stage. Hahaha...I go for SOLO BBoy Battle because my team lack of time training. We did train now but it still not enough for them. Not enough preparations at all. So I go for SOLO and intro my NEWLY team name.

What team name? Hehehe SOON you all know...^^ We all not pro but we can teach you all the tips and share ideas to make you all better. But we judge HONESTLY. No simpan2 perasaan. Without bad comments we will never grow. So...sakit hati pun sakit hati la ok? if not...when u ever become pro. Me kena comment so badly oso can improve well many times...XD

Thats all lar...oh ya by the way...

To Darryl : Thanks for your new blog title about "Butterflies". It really meaningful...For such short sentences already have so so so much meanings inside. hehehe THANKS A LOT...^^ haiz...you ar...I got so so so many things to say to you de lar but hope you can accept it lar...it also got related with the past. But its ok ma kan if I tell you everything. Because you treat me like this...so so good. Wah i think I better tell you everything also.

Happy Birthday

2008-09-26T14:05:00.000+08:00

26th September

To My Beloved SiS,

HAPPY BELOVED BIRTHDAY!!! ^^ Hehehe

I know you always can read this...^^ Its been long time...even I forgot about it due to my worst situation but Im glad our GREAT MOM remember it. Hehehe...Isnt she's the BEST MOM? ^^ It so sad that Im dont even have a chance to hold you or you hold me. XD hehehe but I know you always protect us from any worst danger...^^ I can feel it sometimes. Hahaha but Im sure you are happy at you place now right? ^^ Hehehe...anyway HAPPY BELOVED BIRTHDAY!!! Hehehe...May God Bless You Always...

In Loving Memory of Sis
Born 26th September 1978

- Rick JokEr -

My Feeling

2008-09-24T01:32:00.000+08:00

This is another topic about my feeling again...I write everything here so that I can feel much relief about everything I been through and hoping it can be solve as soon as possible.

Actually...Its really hard to explain how I feel now...so hard to release it. Its all about me...I really feel sorry about my parents. They work so hard to earn money to clear all debts but me...haiz...go out enjoy enjoy enjoy. Damn...but I do lucky that I realize this before its going further. I even help my new friends to release their stress even though it suffer me more. But this is final...I cant help anymore. I already make my own family suffer so much. I should stop helping anyone anymore. But...haiz I feel really really sorry about everything. Sometimes my new friends want some help I cant even say NO...WHY AR? Be good also suffer...Be bad also suffer...haiz...really confusing. Why everything has to be like this? Why cant everything be fine for even 1 day or 2 days? T.T haiz~ cham ar~ suffer suffer lar...what so ever everything also same. Help or not help also suffer...Be good or be bad also suffer. haiz~~

This is about my head chef...I wanted to tell him everything and I know he will understand but I dont want him to think that Im this and that...bad lar this lar...haiz...so hard if talking someone more older than me sometimes. Different people really different thinking. His friend which also my friend tell me that he dont have a good family since he was born. But he's lucky that he got GREAT family angkat...adoption lar. is that the right spelling? XD hehehe so...haiz I also very very pity him lar. Since small oledi more suffer than me. That is why...he's lucky to have new family that adopt him. At least his life ok oledi. But for my situation is totally different. I enjoy but my family suffer. When I realize it...I CANT even think of something how to help. Want to open business also not so easy...Want to help family business also not yet complete. Haiz...I wanted to work day and night oledi. Gain more pain to have more money. I dont care if Im die...as long as I dont make more debts and sendiri enjoy. I really have less time with family now coz of working at night. I finish work they all sleep. Offday I must go out release my stress on the beach and go yam cha with friends laugh laugh. Really no time at all...I wish to take unpaid leave for 1 week to have family dinner but...the shop I work at totally depends on me...without me all the workers...BOOM...penat and confused gao gao. Even how busy the shop is I still can take care everything as long as no one distract my attention. And the shop really have less workers...haiz~ if got more worker...later jatuh bankrapt ndak cukup pay this pay that. AAAaaarrrgghhh I really wish Im good at office thingy ar~~~ haiz...but...office work...totally not suit me...>.< haiz~~

This is for my Mom...Im really sorry that I use your car not only to go work but also go enjoy and everything. I use your car to go work is ok lar but go enjoy really make me feel very sorry. But I really do take GOOD care your car. I wont do anything that damage the car unless got people go kacau lar...haiz~ T.T IM SORRY!!! REALLY REALLY SORRY!!! You work Overtime to gain more extra money but I use your car go enjoy. Totally UNFAIR...I wish I could be strict everything but most of the time I cant even say NO when friends need help even though it suffer me more...only my best friends and close friends understand me very well...

This is about some part of myself lar...I do really wanted to talk this with someone really could listen to me...even though he/she dont understand what im saying but at least try hard to understand me. I know and understand that out there...there are more people more suffer than me but the way I wanted to release my stress and everything is different. To be honest I dont have balance hormon...so if you find me act like girly bit and childish bit...please lar...be understanding...dont think like Idiot people...dont be brainless. No one perfect...if you think you are perfect...ok...I will challenge you. I dun mind losing but at least I will MAKE you understand. haiz...its like that lar...I cant write anymore coz today I really moody. I cant think good good anymore. I need to think how to solve everything...

Thanks For Reading This...^^
- Rick JokEr-

Recently...

2008-09-21T12:23:00.000+08:00

This is about what happen to me recently...

Its all about my workplace, my family and myself...

Damn...I thought this year could be my lucky year but it looks like it is just the beginning of my bad luck.

1st...about my workplace. Hmmm okay okay lar...but I can feel that its hard for us all to get salary increase due to the business. The company having hard time to cover everything...it needs almost like RM2000++ per day to cover everything include bills and workers salary. Since the morning people no longer come work after being scold because dint help clean grease trap and always go after working times up without finishing their work 1st. haiz...morning business no more oledi...boss really rugi a lot...I wonder can cover everything or not...rental oledi nid to pay RM5000++. Then my head chef salary, me, and other 2 people oledi reach RM3000++ like that. But nevermind lar...I give 1 or 2 years chance. If salary still the same...like that I better help my father take care family business. =.="

2nd...about family. hmmm...no update. Because they work morning I work at night...how to spend time together...=.=" haiz...

3rd...about myself. ... ... ...haiz...dont want say anything about it lar. So much bad luck happens...car kena scretch lar. I lost RM50 again...haiz...Why ar...so easy kena bully de me...nevermind...Just be patient...someday...ONE DAY! I will have my own business...

4th...jealousy...XD hehehe why? yalar...go out gai gai always see other couple so so romantic there. Sure jealous ma...wahahahaha XD more weird is I saw malay guy couple with chinese girl...0.o pretty lagi tu. I always wondering how he kao her...hehehe My funny brain side tells me to capture him and bodek his kao lui skills...wakakakakaka but i think different people have different way of kao lui lar...maybe its me being toooooooooo picky or scared to be in couple again. After so many times being rejected so much...I decided to stay single as long as I can. Biar lar jealous as long as I dint lose anything or hurt or something. hahaha...=p

Okay...5th...=.=" im hungry~~ XD wahhahaha i writing this blog while im still hungry....XD

Happy SRJK Shan Tao Reunion Day

2008-09-14T02:18:00.000+08:00

13th September

Our SRJK Shan Tao reunion day...not much friends come but can lar...still happy happy there...chit chat doing what...this and that. Hahaha...I was hoping to see more leng luix but uhuhuhuhuhuuh sadly not much and we all sit at the back...sayang my hp still not camera type if not can take some pictures oledi. T.T~ after that meet our teachers that teach us all...laugh laugh...all suprised that we all change. Alar of coz lar...people change due to situation ma...hahaha really cant remember which is which oledi...wakakakaka but at least still respect them as our GREAT teacher. Without them who are we? XD hehehe...

We did take some pictures...XD hehehehehe then we meet our old old retired Head Master or Siao/Xiao Zhang...XD damn my pin yin not so good. XD even some of the teachers always scold bad words to us but they still our teacher. They scold us also got reasons de lar...but if they say they always right sure stupid teacher lai de loh...wakakakakak then after that...continue eat eat...laugh and smile...take pictures...XD hehehe but ok lar...even not much friends come because some oledi go back singapore, KL n etc etc to study and work. Have to understand also because they sacrifice for money. I want to go because I want to meet back all my friends, classmate and schoolmate. I really feel sorry about my work place because usually cannot take Saturday & Sunday as Offday coz BZ day ma...I really sorry but please lar give me one chance for this GREAT moment. Meet back my teacher and say Thank You for teaching me well...teach me chinese language, teach me how to read and everything...without them ar...WHO AM I? Pure kadazan loh...haiz...I like learn something new ma...sure want to learn loh. If not how to LIVE? XD hehehe...thanks to my parents also for sending me to chinese school...XD wehehehehehe

Okay...then...finish loh...10pm after that go yam cha at Horizon KK. Chit Chat with Best Friends and Close Friends...hiyaa all Best Friends de lar...all help me...share feelings and everything. XD hehehe...without them...how my mandarin going to improve? XD hehehe...I really want make 1 BIG party to say Thanks to all my Best Friends, Close Friends and New Friends. All teach me their language...give me the right meaning when I dont understand...something like that lar but I work in Ocean Cafe at night...T.T how to make BIG party leh~~ Nevermind lar...someday that "DAY" sure come one...muhuhuhahahahahah

Okay loh....thats all loh...want full story meh~~ die loh me write everything...XD hehhee

Our Kitchen Life...

2008-09-08T14:12:00.000+08:00

Aaahh~~~ Our Kitchen Life~ Wanna Know? Hahahaha...I upload some photos to let you all know what my friend & I doing in the kitchen in our free time. Hehehe...We were bored & decided to do something...So why not try try make flowers using Pan Mee Dough...hahaha

Lai Lai give some commentsss...XD hehehe give us some ideas too...we might try to do it & take a pic on it....Sorry we dont have quality camera...but soon lar...sure have de...kumpul2 money 1st ma...XD hehehe

4th September...My Very Happy Birthday

2008-09-05T01:58:00.001+08:00

4th September...

What I Do? Many things lar...

I go dye hair...it is suppose to be light brown dye with light blonde highlight but its turn out to be bright golden hair...T.T uhuhuhuhuhuh that saloon not so skillful eh~~~ sayang my money ony~~ T.T haiz so regret go there...Now even friends sometimes say me lan zhai...adui...punya sakit hati...all pasal tat saloon dint do properly...T.T uhuhuhuhuh haiz...nvm lar...apa boleh buat sudah...oledi pay~~

Ok then...go SHOPPING!!!! okok lar...just buy new t-shirt n jeans...ok ok lar..simple...

Then Go yam cha with OLD OLD OLD OLD primary frens...wah lao so hard to recognize liao eh~~~ plus my new hair style...scared they tot me gengster o wat...T.T haiz...susah hati...next time i left it black colour...=.=" or dye grey colour lar...biar nampak tua at least not gengster look...=.=" have to wait long hair...

Then habis cerita...tats all...XD wahahahhaha

Thanks to all my friends and Old schoolmate in SRJK Shan Tao...

Thanks for celebrating my birthday with such strong...bla bla i oso duno how to say...happy lar...really thanks coz this is my 1st time celebrate like this

Thanks for all the wishes...

So I wish all my friends, old friends, new friends, close friends, and best friends will be always in Good Luck n stay happy especially those who couple couple already...I wish them happy, always understand each other, dun argue for such little matter, dun easily misunderstanding, try and understand even it is big matter...try to understand the reason even sometimes it is "tidak masuk akal", n etc etc lar...many things but i cant type all lar...just can give bit bit lar...so be happy together...^^

I wish all my friends, close friends and best friends to have girlfriend for their soulmate...it is time to find even though it is very hard coz we getting old oledi...once we turn 25-27...we will hard to find girlfriend already...it is already very late liao...so i wish them to have girlfriend as soon as possible so that i can see their TRUE happy smile in their heart...I really wish for it...Im hoping SOOOO MUCH about it to happen...I cant stand to see and hear anything about girls are so bad, this n that...well actually we all the same. It just like maybe give up or sumthing lar...i also duno lar...Just try dont too picky so much lar...I really wish this WISH come true.

For my friends who in relationship...well...stay happy and please try not to break up lar...dun stop caring each other...dun stop trust each other...even got small matter try n discuss about it peacefully...share...we all getting old...we should share and think deeply...how come other ppl can marry...how come we not? we must think in positive way...every road have an end but which road is up to its difficulties...up to ur experiences and suffer to solve it...even though it is hard but there will be end about it. So my 2nd wish is for those who in relationship...I hope dont cheat each other...dont treat each other so badly...just understand each other even ppl think u two not ngam together...no such thing about "You two really perfect couple"...there's no such sentences...at last also break up...whats the use...thats why...TRUST and UNDERSTANDING is important in relationship...Try to understand both side feelings...dont sikit2 make it like BIG MATTER...please dont...i beg for it...dont ever think negative way...If you playboy/playgirl...there must be some reasons why he/she like tat...sure many reasons...we must LISTEN.

Okay lar...So i was hoping my 3 wishes all come true...^^ so that im also happy...lega hati lar...hehehe...

p/s : T.T im not samseng lar~~~ just the colour too bright golden highlight sure mcm samseng...wait my hair tebal liao n no more got colour baru I show my true dye colour favorite...hehehehe...very cool n ehem liang zai...WAKAKAKAKAKAK JOKING JOKING...maaaana ada me liang zai...liang zai in heart GOT lar...XD hehehehe not out look one...XD hehehehe

People Change Everytime...

2008-08-31T03:31:00.000+08:00

Nah...This topic about what? About me lar...PEOPLE are changing ma. Everyone changing de lar...DUH!!! What is wrong to throw bit money on cosplay anyway? I know its expensive but...Sabah don't have cosplay event meh? Sure got de...just put some afford lar. RAJIN sikit minta tolong open event...like that oso hard meh~~~ Diao loh...How to grow up ooo??? Enjoy your youth while you can...Dont ever regret in your life. You got only one life...What is wrong to have some fun anyway???

Cosplay = Customes = Clothes = Money...HEALTHY & LAST LONGER...pandai jaga can last FOREVER...

You leh?
Alcohol = Drunk = Cigar = Money = 80% possibility of death...GOOD MEH THIS???

Dont F*cking say me wasted money on customes...What about you then? you wasted on alcohol and cigar that bad for your health...NOT WASTING MEH? You not only wasted your money...you also WASTED your LIFE. DOH!!! Stay out of my way lar...This is me...I use my OWN F*cking money to enjoy...and EVERYTHING IS HEALTHY and LAST LONG one. Better then drunk drunk drunk...lolz...YOU GO DIE EARLY BETTER LAR. Dont make other people suffer by your stupidity enjoyment. Cheh!!! Know say me only but sendiri killing sendiri by alcohol and cigar.

Enjoy your HEALTHY life lar...smoking n drink alcohol so much. For What? Last Last sakit jantung...who suffer? yourself lar...CONTROL lar!!! CONTROL you spending...Spend on something HEALTHY that wont shorten your life lar. You maybe strong while smoking but in future??? I LAUGH AT YOU!!! Yeah Im Weak But I Got STRONG BODY ar...CHOI AR!!! I can live longer oso with CLEAN body. Not with BLACK & WHITE paru paru one. Eeee~~ I rather let stray dogs eat it better then donate to those people who really needs it.

What I want is enjoy my youth time while I can...you ask me go drink alcohol? of coz I drink but 1 tin only. I HATE wasting money on something that spoil my body health. Say la me this n that...not like manly or what. Its better then having UNHEALTHY body anyway. My body is always weak even how hard I train...Only we know our own body health not others...not even doctors. Doctors cannot be trusted sometimes oso. If not my mom already cure loh...my mom still sick...eat this n that. see doctor this n that...still the same not cure. THEN WHAT THE FARK I NEED TO TRUST THEM SO MUCH!!! Isk...

That why people can change due to experiences...yalah not manly like if dun smoke lar, dun drink alcoholic lar, this n that...dont go club...LOLz~~~ you spend me lar...sure I go...im not wasting money for those unhealthy activities. You ask me go club dancing...sure i go but prepare mineral water for me (DEFINITELY NO ALCOHOL). Even IF im a millionaire...I also wont go those such place lar...better use your money and invest more. Make your whole family live with less worries n stress. Haiz...so rich but go enjoy something not healthy...GOOD MEH? If you die & left your money behind...not wasted meh? Become rich then die coz too much unhealthy activities...lolz...so wasted.

Like this lar...Just Leave Me Alone. Dont bring me to unhealthy activities...You go enjoy yourself. I want stay healthy...I dont want to die early and left behind all the debts i had. Normal yam cha ok but dont force me to drink alcoholic so much. My body already weak even how hard I train it but I wont give up. Mana tau got miracle...XD hehe

Anyway Thx For Reading this post...Just to express my feeling bah. Feel so angry when kena say not manly like lar...this n that lar...hiyooo sendiri still susah still want say me...you change yourself dulu...become rich with your own power without any support. You can become that then I follow you...If not? SORRY lar~~ I step on you got lar...lolz I follow your back & leech everything...after I have enough then I betray & backstab you...YOU LIKE IT??? sure not lar...Even Dog that being call Man Best Friend also know how to betray you if you treat them bad lar...apa lagi people? Not only your life will get in trouble...remember that as well. Nothing in this world have the word "SAFE" anymore...

Ok...bye bye.
Thx For Reading...^^

New Life

2008-08-19T01:59:00.000+08:00

Aaaahhh~~~ Sooooo FREE~~~ Hahahaha...

Ahh Yes...New Life...erm erm...ehem ehem~~ hmmm what I want to share ar? Hmm
I tell a little bit about me lar...what I realize about myself lar...hahaha well now I'm a little bit like...can say sombong lar...but...duno lar...so hard to realize it. Actually really don't like being told the same thing everyday but no choice. My brain really got damage a lot because of one incident in my past. Well my family din't know about it...no one know actually what happen except me. Hehehe...if I told my parents...sure so much unrelated questions got ask. =_= quite annoying lar but they are like that so I understand loh...They sure worry about me but...hiya...Im a Runner and also Jumper...not the Jumper that can go anywhere ar...I mean "Lompat Jauh" de bah...Runner is like "Pelari 100m, 200m, 100m x 4, 200m x 4" de...but everytime got match I always din't show up...hahaha stupid right? If not can join olympic liao...ehem ehem so so perasan...hahaha (hit myself bit bit)...sot de...but with more training I believe sure can join olympic de lar...but I like learning different kind of arts...Cooking Arts, Drawing Arts, Hairstlye Arts and etc etc. Something like that lar..not so so into sports...I do sports just to maintain my health and body...For real I can no longer join any sports because I really have heart problem...so really sad can't help teammates in any sports. I'm a defender in soccer, running back in rugby, and 3 pointer / rebounder in basketball...LAST TIME LAR...but now...im a cook...lolz...wakakakka well I think Its too late already to learn something that I really really really wanted to learn...An Arts that realy suits me but its already too late after realizing it. Hehehe so apa boleh buat loh...just go with the flow...hehe and one reason about people call me sombong or being so so cool is because I din't socialize much like last time...well...erm...actually...IM SHY...hahaha...very shy bah...not biasa...>.< How leh? Just accept people call me sombong or cool cool loh...want explain also hard...SHY sure like this lohh...If meet new people my face sure look down so much and scare to chat face to face. hehehe...If u see me take out Handphone and click click there...it means IM TOTALLY NERVOUS. Take out handphone just to cover my shy face...but actually I doing nothing with the handphone. XD hehehe terpaksa pretend replying frens...then make sound...then reply...haihz...like dat loh...understand lar what Im trying to say. XD hehehe

Okay now about my work place...

Environment?...Nice and Good...Okay Okay Lar...even sometimes really stress up but Im still learning. hehehe...kena diao also have to accept it because I must learn.
People around?...Nice and Good...not so stress up place.
Salary?...I get RM800++ but I wonder if the cafe can survive that long or not. so much things to pay...Head Chef, Me and Another Assistant already need to pay Rm3k++, Then monthly rent of the shop RM4k++, Bils? wah...like just pay workers, maintainance and all that already RM10k++...Damn...1 Day sales must at least maintain to have RM800...cham loh...but nevermind...^^ I got many plans...hohohoho im so evil...XD
Parking? Ok lar...no one kacau...no need pay car park fee also...
Place? CKS millenium In rainfield court...well...new CKS de at the new highway to dongongon that one...
Cafe name? Ocean Cafe...^^ Well...my skills not so geng yet. I still get many complaints...hahaha because my skills already mix up so so much...got japanese style, western style, chinese style, home made style, malay style, kadazanese style, and others...so many lar...so much skills mix up my brain and hands also confused gao gao...hahaha but still so much lacking...
The Boss? He's Good...business minded...hahaha
Head Chef? He's very experienced chef...can become one of my SIFU already...hehe one thing bad is he as pervert as me but he much more worst lar...wakakakakak I still can control myself...XD hehe
Others? Okay lar...can say new friends also ma...new work place new friends loh...hehe

Okay now about my family...

... ... ...I don't know any updates yet. Hahaha...my father so secretive.
I'm suppose to send mum to work in early morning actually but...its seem I cant get up after working so hard in cafe. Feel sorry about it...to use her car so freely but din't help pay car oil. uhuhuuhh SORRY~~~
I want to change myself so have to use a lot money...sooner gonna donate some clothes again...very very very old clothes de...some koyak koyak again...

Okay...now about my enemies.

... ... ...=_= well...it seems we peace now. No one disturb me anymore...

About my FRIENDS!!!

T.T uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh no time yam cha~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I wish I could work in the morning~~~ and get same amount of salary~~

Ok loh...nothing to share anymore...actually im bored so why not write blog? hehehe...wrong meh to write blog...=.= most boys say boy write blog is like a girl...lolz sot de...hahaha this is how Im trying to tell something...how my emotion...also kena say pondan or girl...=.=" weird...hahaha

Oh well...Thanks for reading this blog...^^
Thank you thank you...=p

HUH? what? what? Girlfriend? what you mean ooo~~~ special ka? Don't have lar...target got lar but no confidence to kao...XD hehehe...because still scared of rejection. You know lar...Hard to find chinese girls that can accept kadazan guy like me...I try so hard to learn all their language...understand every words...hehehe but I won't tell my real blood line lar...very complicated. ^^ so its better to keep it secret...maybe only I realize it...but who cares...=p hehehe...If Girlfriend (Female Friend)...hmm very less ooo...dunno why...Maybe I should try to be more socialize and don't shy so much when in front of girls...hehehe

Okay loh...stop lar...XD hehe

Weird~~

2008-08-13T01:16:00.000+08:00

Today...My boss said to me...learn as fast and as much as I can from the Head Chef because this Head Chef attitude very different. Can go and run away anytime...Wah...nothing weird loh. Me also can leave anytime but see how my situations lar. XD hahaha If I feel not enough then I leave and change higher salary loh. But what really weird is that...the Head might scared if I use my REAL skills. =_=" the boss ask me to just listen to him so that he won't leave without train me some of his skills. Well...nobody perfect...of course I will learn everything. It is call KNOWLEDGE~~ XD hehehe...anyway...I did tell the boss don't worry because I will carefully learn everything. But weird too...since I work in kitchen...no boss or head chef treat me like this. They treat me very very very good. Isk...NOT BIASA LAR. XD hahahaha Last time always get scold...Always gaduh one...now...totally different situation. Its like I wanna leave it but feel sorry about it. But I'm sure leave de lar...Which GUY don't want salary RM3k~RM10k oooh~~ if that guy don't want such salary then give me lar. XD hehehe...WHAT? Where can I find RM3k~RM10k salary? hiyooo...Malaysia is not the only country you can work lar...Malaysia now already getting worst because of GREED of POWER. Lolz...GREED so much until country people all suffering. If can't go other country...start small business lar. THINK!!! My brain so slow also can think about own future lar. Last time I got control and step down gao gao...Now? hohoho... "Even A Loyal Dog Will BITE Their Owner" Ever Heard? It means BETRAYAL. You step on me so much someday you get what you deserve...Well something like that lar. I heard the chinese people said it but they thought I can't understand cantonese. XD hehehe...sometimes PRETENDING also good...

Ooookay lar...nothing to say already. ^^ Just wanna share since I got no one to tell with...ehem ehem...I mean Girlfriend to talk with...XD hehehehehe...SPECIAL Girlfriend oooo...Not normal one...ehem ehem...XD wakakakkaka

Just Kidding lar...hahahaha
Anywa Thanks For Reading...^^

I Feel... ... ... ...XD Hehehehehe

2008-08-07T23:47:00.001+08:00

Aaaarrgghh!!! XD hehehehe I'm not sure why I do that but I feel like...I FINALLY FREE FROM MY OWN CHAIN!!! NICE!!! hahahahaha...Its been so long since I lost myself this past months. ^^ hehehe...even though I still feel part of me already lost and can never be found again but...I feel much MUCH MUCHHHH BETTER now. Hahaha...I just feel FREE as the bird fly in the sky!!! Wahhh so so nice feeling~~~ ^^ hahaha...

Most of my friends wondering why I suddenly become like this...Well let's just say I taken a "Road" that I lost last time. I have return to that "Road" again and I feel much more better with it. ^^ hehehe...What? What? You want to know what "Road" is it? Hehehehehe = =+ no way I'm going to tell you this. ^^ hehehe I will only tell when I achieve most of my GOALS...^^ hehehe...

Most important of all!!! I FEEL FREE!!!~~~~ Hahahahaha...Damn I want to go beach and scream gao gao...Aaaaaarrrgghhh~~~!!! XD hahahaha...Crazy huh? That's even good...this is ME. ^^ No more pretending...Enough with all the SUFFERING~~ Just be myself again...taking the lost "Road". Ho Ho Ho...

*TODAY*
Okay...today also face very challenging high hill. DAMN...1st time to fail go up the hills....T_T...it is super high hills that my mum's Avanza also having problem to go up properly. T_T my skills need to improve more~~~ Oh well...at least I get it at last. Hahaha After several times car balik2 go down...wahahahahaha damn I also laugh when I try to go up. XD Can't believe I can do it in short time...

Well That's all I wanna share...^^

YOSH!!! GAMBATTE!!! muhuhuhuhahahahhaa

Crazy Day

2008-08-06T01:36:00.000+08:00

Hahaha...Today so so crazy~~~ Why? =.=" Because whole day in k.k area. Play games, window shopping, and gai gai like sot sot people. Something like you saw something you would say "HUIYOOO... ... ...Yenggg ooh..." lolz hahaha...damn stupid.

12pm reach k.k CP...

Gai gai and walk walk until 2pm and go basement floor eat lunch time at the... ...Rice Duck/Duck Rice shop. Wah...so so little rice~~ nevermind lar...good for diet also. Hahaha...after that window shopping... ...=.=" Sooooooo BORING larr C.P!!! Nothing new...all clothes OUTDATED. Haihzzz...

3.30pm go 5th floor Growball...

=_= this is where our crazy time begin...always tekken tekken tekken. Play until crazy...I wonder waste how much money already. Damn...can't control when it is so so fun. Hahaha

4pm...go yam cha at k.k Fook Yuen...

I wonder I spell it right or not...oh well people would understand also. HoHoHo...YaAaaaammm Cha...chinese tea ping...bla bla chit chat...talk nonsense. Hiya...that's how we spend out time loh...nothing to do. Better than getting into trouble. Hahaha...yam cha until 5pm...OKAY...GO HOME TIME.

At home...yalah tu...I cook for dinner. Tired but cook fast fast because wan go out ma...mana tau 9pm baru go out...damn next time I cook slowly. =.=" can rest rest listen to music.

ok...around 8pm+++ lar go out go C.P again...but 1st go Fook Yuen Yam Cha because some friends hungry and want to eat. After that...=.=" sure C.P 5th Floor...Another tiring journey...Tekken Tekken Tekken...but this time got add 1 more...that is Dance Machine called "Pump It Up Zero"...My stupid friend so so crazy to choose SUPER HARD...God damn it...if it wasn't because of that song I would still have enough energy to play more. >.< exercise ma~~~ fun and good for health. Burn more FATS...hehehehe try play play lar...don't be shy. It's FUN...really...TRUST ME!!! XD hehehe...don't peduli those farking FAN ZAI...they know nothing about FUN and EXERCISE really means. Let them laugh gao gao...Im pretty sure they run if you ask them to play the dance machine. Hahahaha...So...we play until 12.40am. Our only game is Tekken 6 then Pump It Up...only this 2 games my friend and I play continuously until 12.40am. Wahhh...now Im writing this blog also using back-up battery already. So Tired but not sleepy!! WHY AR~~~ >.<

Okay...End Of Story.

Fun & Exercise...Enjoy Youth While You Can. XD hehehe

- Rick _

I blew up my biggest chance

2008-07-30T09:31:00.000+08:00

I won't tell when this happen but I felt so regret about it. Well...you all wanna know what happen? Here goes...

There was a girl...hmmm I think 16 years old. 0.o OMG so so young...well who cares about that. She's...cute, friendly, funny and caring but...now we never contact each other again. Why? Because I rejected her love. Well...to think about it back I felt kinda regret. Very regret...after keep reading the messages that she SMS me. I rejected her because...you know...I still can't accept love that moment. I tell myself that what will happen to us if I accepted her? I never knew. I just felt sorry about it to reject such nice girl. Well some of you might understand this or not and some of you might saying that I'm stupid. Hmmm...I think I'm stupid. =_= so cute and leng lui the girl with nice personality...WHO WON'T ACCEPT HER LOVE? Lolz...ME!!! How stupid I am...I did test her before and...well...she failed but finally she succeeded it. But still...=.= I rejected her. Damn...well I guess that kind of girl won't stay single for long. Hahaha...hiya so so leng lui and cute can stay single meh? lolz...sure got people kao her lar. Hahaha...as long as she happy that enough for me loh even though we no longer contact each other (she changed her phone number).

Well I think that's all about it. Its not long story actually if I write everything up. I don't even remember what I do that she so sudden to love me. Probably Love at first sight...well to tell the truth...I no longer trust Love anymore. Why? I am not sure at all. I'm very confused these days. Hahaha...stupid right? Its the biggest chance I ever had but I blew it. 0.o" and also I don't trust love at first sight anymore...Love is not just Love. Its a feeling that you need to understand and control it if not...even when you're in couple you won't last long. Probably like...Puppy Love. Even though you say you got experiences and understand it well...then why still end up break up? But whatever it is...I wish all the couples in this world to have fun and happy memories. ^^ hahaha...If want break up. Break up nicely...don't make people feel broken heart.

Okay bla bla bla...That's all.
Thanks for reading it.
Peace and please no Hard feeling. ^^

My Dreams...

2008-07-30T08:48:00.000+08:00

I write this blog according to what I've dream of...=_= It is about something I read in my dream but I don't know what it is...I think I just have to write it down because I can't get my mind off it. Maybe I should share this thing...or maybe not.

NOT FORGOTTEN

Your words have made my heart dance,
and your smile have made me weak on my knees,
Day after day all thoughts of you were filled in my mind,
Before we were just friends, soon become acquaintances, even pals,
last but not least we're together.

Always shower me with ruby red roses that felt like touched and kissed with love. The way you hold my hand gently as we drove around in my car. The way you hug me tight and share your warmth. The way your eyes light me up in everyday life. Nevertheless, time goes by quickly that our relationship reached a rut, and there was no turning back. Our tender kisses could no longer sparkling, once saw in each other eyes just didn't shine brightly. The loneliness strangled me. I knew by the way you hold me. You have whispered 3 Magical Words into my ear on our time...I always have you.

Music and Laughter danced in the hot humid air.
Feeling quite embarrassed by the choice of my words.
Summer turned into fall...

I wanted you to take me out on dates and send me flowers,
I wanted to share that perfect kiss with you as you hug me gently in arms,
I felt warm tears roll down the sides of my cheeks as I thought about you of every cares that you have given me.
You as my best charm I thank you.
Lying down on my bed, while my mind kept thinking of you.
On the overwhelming to get me away from danger.
We conversed with true feeling within us.
Tender loving care all around.
I realize that if I didn't have you in me, my memories wouldn't be so sweet.
My memories of us were so wonderful.
All those days turned to months, months turned to years.
We were what everyone once called the perfect couple.
We were sweethearts.
That it is now...you will never be forgotten.

Hmmm...as I keep reading on what I just write. =_= I'm getting confused...its like 1 couple write each other a message. Like a boy write about his brokenheart to a girl that break up with him...and a girl write about how appreciate it is to have a BF that she was with. Oo0o0oKay...That's weird. As I read the lower parts it sounds like a girl is trying to say that she's appreciate everything that the boy given to her and telling the boy that he will never be forgotten. As I read upper parts it sounds like a boy feel betrayed and disappointed that he trying to convince the girl not to break up with him. Aarrghh I'm confused...Is this really dream? =_= darn it...3 days straight on same dreams but still I don't get what I just read. Oh well...hahaha

Thanks for reading it...
Peace...

Boring Journey

2008-07-22T20:20:00.000+08:00

Aaahhh~~ So So Boring~~ Today go out...go to cp...hiyooo...why ar? so so boring eh~~ so regret go out...=_=" all I can do is window shopping...T.T and nothing that attract me...isk...no update clothes meh? pants ar? jeans ar? Don't have meh? hiyooo...I am so sad~~ want go one borneo also don't have car~ uhuhuhuh lazy use bus...rather go home. >.<~ really bored~ reach home also bored~ hiyoooo I wish got event or something~ can go see see something special~

Bored~
Bored~
Bored~
Bored~
Bored~
Bored~
Bored~

Booo0o0oooo000ooored~~

I'm Flying~~~ Without~~~ Wings~~~ Fiiiuuuuu drop and ouch~~

=.=" bored until sot jor...

Thursday

2008-07-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

Ahh...Today quite something. Hahaha...why? well here's the story. Its about this puppy that being bully by wild dogs. So cham eh...big dogs bully small puppy. Of course you can't take it and sure you will save that CUTE puppy right? Hahaha...So I did save this small puppy but I don't know who's puppy is it...Well I just scared those wild dogs away. Sure I did hit all of the wild dogs. Must give some lessons mah...But after what...I can't believe the puppy stay in my house under my dad's car. I think hiding probably because those wild dogs not allowed to go in my house. I keep thinking who's puppy is this. Why no one searching for it? =.=" so ke lian eh...so terpaksa loh. I take care of it a while but my parents don't like it. That's even make me more sad. It just a puppy...imagine you're the puppy and someone save you. Sure you go to safe place ma right? lolz how stupid are my parents sometimes...But...what can I do? >.< It is BIG responsibility but what if the puppy got bully again...who gonna save it? Hiyoo...I wish the owner of the puppy would searching for it. I don't have enough energy to take care everything by myself. I'm so busy with something...I do want to take care for it but my parents...haihz you know lar~~ puppy sure piss here piss there ma but can train de ma...hiyooo...so that's how it happen loh. The puppy follow me back home...I just left it like that. Give some foods and drinks. That's all lur...I'm kinda miss my favorite dog anyway. =_= my super escape expert dog...Sometimes I really hate him escape and go out from house but so sad someone give him poison foods. T.T I hate whoever give my dog poison foods. Who won't miss his/her dog when you have so much fun together? You train it well...but he/she learn a lot.

Okay enough for that...I talk nonsense again. Well thanks for reading my blog. Whoever you are anyway...Hahaha Thanks...

Mata Ne...

Sunday - Good "EXPERIENCE"

2008-07-14T00:20:00.000+08:00

Today I watch 2 movies...WOR...oook oook lar~~

3.30pm - 1st movie

I watch Journey To The Center Of The Middle Earth...Hmmm am I spelling it right? Correct me if im wrong. Okay...about this movie it is talk about... ... ...I have no idea at all. All I know its like...A world within a world. Isn't it? Not sure because I really don't understand what's the movie all about...hahaha Its like a lot of it been cut. @.@" damn...oh well i would give it 3.5 out of 5. Why? Because I don't understand the movie.

7.10pm - 2nd movie

I watch Hellboy II...Wuuu~~~ this one nice. But I'm not going to talk about it because the story quite complicated. Its all about reclaiming and conquering stuffs, and many more. Really complicated for me to explain. Haha...I would rate it 4 our of 5. Well...that's for me lar. I don't know about you all. Probably some of you might give 5 out of 5. Some might give 3 out of 5. It depends...^^ hehehe...

9.00pm - Yam Cha Time

Ya...I really need water. So regret didn't buy drinks...=_= I'm totally suffering of THIRST for 2 damn hours. Oh it is really sux...>.< Yam Cha Time...The most interesting topic we talk about it is all...about...ghost stories. Hehehe...It depends how you "EXPERIENCE" it but don't go TOO far or you gonna end up scared yourself. Hahaha...well...to tell the truth I like this topic because it make me scared and FORGET about my problems. Too bad...tomorrow I wake up I forget everything & no scared at all. Problems always conquer me this days but oh well...No Pain No Gain right? Hahaha...Just face it anyway. About my last relationship? Well...It hurts but...hahaha I happy for her. Hey...wait a minute. Why did I think about my past relationship again? Damn...Its a BIG oops. XD hehehe sorry about it. I just can't get over it. Still need time. Okay forget about my past relationship...Let's talk about...Wuu~~ Wuu~~ Wuu~~ XD hehehe know what I mean? NO YELLOW BRAIN PLEASE THANK YOU...XD hehehe I'm talking about...G _ _ _ T...XD well you know "what" is it right? anyway if you really scared about it we talk about it in the morning. If you want to experience FEAR? Then...come meet us. Let's SHARE~~~ XD I got a lot "EXPERIENCE" when I'm alone at home. When I was in relationship with my GF also got de at her house but...MUST KEEP QUIET later she can't sleep tu~~~ XD HAHAHA...It's TRUE. I can't sleep at all because I got "DISTURB". You know what I mean...^^

Okay lar...Enough lar. Lazy type about that topic. Want to know about it let's go yam cha at night and talk about it. hohoho just kidding...XD no hard feeling...XD

I Am Looking For...

2008-07-11T21:27:00.000+08:00

Aaaahh~~ I am so so so bored~~ No work really bored eh~~ But next month work lar but...cant wait lar~~ I need MONEY to SHOPPING!!! XD hehehehe is it funny for a guy that like to go shopping? A lot of guys laugh at me...well...who cares. I don't give a damn about it. Laugh Laugh lar as long as I'm smarter than you all ma...hahaha

Wait a minute...=_= What am I talking about here? .. .. ..oh nothing much anyway. haha

Oooookay...so...what should I say leh? >.< I truly no idea at all. Nothing happen to me this lately. Hmmm...Well something did happen but it is already settle so no need to recall it. Hehe...anyway...I'm looking for stunt expert and capoiera expert. Anyone know someone that capable about it? If so...Feel free to comment here. Then I set a meeting and we get to know each other. There's no need to be shy and no need to be scared at all. I'm not man/woman-eater okay? XD...so anyway whoever it is just let me know here. Give comments all you want...hoho

Why I'm looking for stunt expert and capoeira expert?

Well...let see...I got nothing to do even though next month I will work. I love outdoor event. More activities more fun...I don't have much fun in my past. So before I go Singapore to work there. At least I must do something that give me nice memories here. Hahaha...What? Why I want to go Singapore to work? Well...It's time for a new life. I really do need stable income especially to help my family even though I HATE them so much but this is the only thing I can do. I'm always been a troublemaker so I have decide to go Singapore to work and earn a living there. Some of my friends says that don't go Singapore...Its hard to live there. Well I have to reject that...because "No Pain No Gain". There won't be any experiences if we go through all the bitterness in our life. That's how we getting mature. Well some do slow bit like me but at least I must have a stable income that suit my life even how hard to live other place. And most important of all...I do hate Malaysian Government...Its weird that we produce Petrol more than other country and the most expensive rate is us too. We all really live in suffer. So this is one of the reason I want to go Singapore. Okay I think that reasons would be enough. I'm not gonna change my mind even how hard you convince me. =p

Okay...I know some of you people might want to know the meaning of stunt expert and capoeira expert? Okay...Here's the video for Stunt Expert.

That's the video...and now for the Capoiera Expert.

Most of you might think this is crazy...Hey come on people. This is SPORTS but don't try to copy it if you scared to get injured. Use safety equipments if you want to learn it. If you don't have any safety equipments, then do it lightly. Most important of all you just enjoy and have fun. Don't think negatively. Don't think its impossible. I'll tell you if you can do back flip even once...You won't stop doing it. Hahaha...Well before you do it. Make sure your hands can support your head in case you make a slight wrong movement.

Well I think that's all I can write...If you blur reading it I don't really suprised about it. Haha...Cause Me also Blur Eh...hahaha Anyway Peace~~ ^^

Biggest Online Dance Battle

2008-07-08T09:56:00.000+08:00

Biggest Online Dance Battle On Youtube In History Between Step Up Director and Miley & Mandy Show...XD Watch and who do you think gonna win? XD

ACDC TEAM

M&M Cru

That's all I can find about the their dance battle. Haha...The Final Battle is on June 10th 2008 but I cant find their dance battle video. Probably havent been post I guess...hahaha anyway lets enjoy their video.

Worst Saturday

2008-07-07T08:34:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...This is a totally worst day. I was going out with my friends and we all going to watch Hancock. You know why I say it is worst day? Well...you know how our country. So much uninvited people such PTI. Lolz...I wonder when will our country manage to clear out all this problems. Since when already they say they gonna wipe all PTI but at the end...More PTI coming. Haha...When we all LOCALS are disturbed by these people. Where are all the policemen? Where are all the security? All gone? Scared? so sad...such COWARDS with a tag of policemen and security. You, policemen and security have weapon on your hands but what's the use if you TOO scared to use it against those PTI that disturb our peaceful living. But when we LOCALS do something bad even just a SMALL SMALL mistake. Oh...My...GOD! You all really fast reaction but when we LOCALS in trouble...WHERE ARE YOU!!! Damn...all those PTI lucky enough not to touch us if not there would be a MAJOR & HUGE fighting in growball. WE DANCE!!! WE DON'T DISTURB ANY LOCALS BUT WHY ARE THOSE F*CKING PTI COME & DISTURB US...YOU ALL SO CALL "SECURITY" RUN AWAY? SCARED? WHAT THAT WEAPON ON YOUR WAIST FOR? BAI LIANG AR? YOUR HEAD LAR BAI LIANG...if those PTI not scared about you "SECURITY". WHY SHOULD WE SCARED? TAI SAI AR!!! You show off your power in front of LOCALS but why SCARED to protect our LOCALS who in TROUBLE? God Damn It...Next time we DANCE and those PTI disturb us...DON'T BLAME US IF WE MAKE THE 1ST MOVE!!! If you jealous because you can't dance? Then JOIN US...We can teach you. Don't use your POWER as security to throw us out. We DIDN'T harm anyone at all.

Okay...Sorry about above. Haha...I can't control my temper actually. T.T...need to join anger management. XD HaHaHa...No way I want to join anger management. I still can control well enough with my temper. =P bluueekkk~~~ wakakakakaka...okokok The main reason why I say this day is worst day is because we got disturb by those PTI or pilaksss while we were dancing. They even PURPOSELY push us...well we did push them back. You know if you dance Hardstyle Shuffle...You can do anything even kick people. Well...you know...=_= Hardstyle use a lot energy and movements. Even your hands move as well. You can even push your enemy away though. Its Funny...HaHaHa...but seriously this is a totally warning to all PTI and pilaksss unless they dance well and not pushing us away. You can dance but don't push us hard. Try hardstyle in front of me when I dance on Pump It Up and try to push me away. You gonna regret it...Hardstyle doesn't mean you only dance hardstyle shuffle. You can modify it into COMBAT DANCE as well. Remember that PTI and pilaksss...Remember how the brazillian throw those french people away by using COPEIRA.

Erm...izzit french people or german who conquer brazil before and make fighting is strictly forbidden. Then brazil create COPEIRA means that a dance that can be use in COMBAT. They DANCE but their STRONG legs are hitting your body and face. HahaHa...I like this dance. If you are caught just say "They in my way while I'm dancing...they can avoid my movement easily but they STUPID enough to come closer" HaHaHa...

Okay loh...Finish loh...Im seriously hungry while writing this down. HaHaHa Well if any of you readers feel that I'm offend you...>.< I'm so so so so SORRY~~

How Did We End Up Here?

2008-07-03T21:22:00.000+08:00

How Did We End Up Here?

I'm wondering why too...can't help it. Can't do anything about it...it's all my fault anyway. I had all the chances...but I blew it all away. Haihz...damn it. Sometimes I wish we not couple last time so that we can be friends until now. When you broke up with me...I've been so angry about it but...I can't do anything about it. I respect your decision. When you said "a girl need a guy with wealth"...I really sad and disappointed because I'm not that kind of guy. I'm poor...and you help me a lot. But still I can't do anything about it. Can't repay you for everything you done for me. I always wish you and pray for you to have better guy in your life. I do sad when you have other guy in your life but when I saw him...I'm sad and happy at the same time. He's the one for you. He got everything that you always wanted. He care for you...that's why you fall in love with him. I wish you be happier than last time. I wish you get what you always wanted...I'm happy for you that you didn't end up having lousy BF like me last time and in the future. I feel much relief when you got BF that have future in him. I know your parents don't like me at all. Don't like me to be with you. I been thinking about it all time but I just pretend I didn't know anything. I'm sure you too want to break up with me. It's been so long that you wanted to break up with me but...you didn't. I don't want you stay with me because you feel sympathy of me. You know my future now is totally blank. I wanted to run away but it always comes back. I wanted to forget about you but your face always picture in front of my sight even we never meet after you have new BF. I always wanted to see you smile but...when you start schooling in S.I.A. You changed...you never do what you always do on me. I been looked down so bad because of who I am. Because of being stupid...Because I have so much problems that you can no longer hold it anymore. I'm really sorry...I know you forgive me but how do I forgive myself? How do I forgive myself when I think back everything what I done to you...I can't forgive myself you know. I'm no longer can accept any girl in myself even though there are some girls that I wanted to chase but to think back all the past and all the mistakes I done. It's hard for me to move on...I wish this things never happen but it did and I can't control it. I can't overcome it...I'm too weak. So weak...my parents didn't support me anymore. You're lucky to have parents that still support you. Sometimes I wish I'm a girl...even being a girl is hard but at least they're always supported from parents. As a guy...we sacrifice so much for girls we love. We try our best until our last breath. We know you all appreciate us but...when we done something wrong even it just a small matter. It depends on the person whether He can handle it or not. Most of them can handle it but I can't. I'm too weak...most people says me has "No Life". I did angry about it but...when I keep thinking about it. They are right...damn right about it. Damn right about me. I can't help it...

I do wish there's a girl like you...not 100% same but at least some part of you would be same. Honest, Supportive, Playful, Active & Understanding...that's what I'm looking for. Well...it depends also. I'm looking for someone that really suited me anyway but I'm too picky about it. Haha...anyway...I pray for you so that you would be always in Good Luck & Happy in everything you do. I still feel sad & disappointed but...I'm happy that you not with someone like me. Someone who don't have stable income. Someone who can't even handle small problem. I wish I can change but I still can't. I need some support but I prefer that support would be from the girl I love. Well whoever she is...haha...well that's all. I write everything here just to release all my emotions. Everything how I actually feel right now...I don't wish you to read this too but if you really read it through...

Here...

I don't even know it is related to what I'm trying to do here or not...but I hope you enjoy the songs I gave you...If you come and read it. Hehe...Well...Ja Ne!!! =p

How Do I Feel?

2008-07-03T08:47:00.000+08:00

How Do I Feel?

Hmm...let me see. How Do I Feel? man...I feel unhappy, sad, & angry. I don't know what to do...I'm totally no support from my own family. And worst of all is myself...I'm so HATE myself sometimes being so so so lazy. What worst of all...I easily get bullied and do nothing about it. All I do is run away. haihz...Why is my life always have to be like this? Being bullied? What the F*cking hell did I do to those bullies? I did hurt them or anything...I don't want to go back. I'm totally HATE my old self. Please stop bully me!!! Before I lose control of myself...Its better to STOP me!!! haihz...I been bullied so so long time. Can't anyone understand & work as a team? Even I don't know anything...WHY can't you TEACH me!!! WHY are you keep everything to yourself!!! WHY? EVERYONE HAVE TO LEARN MORE EVEN THOUGH HE/SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING!!! That's what STUDY suppose to mean...Its not only for going to school to study. School is where we learn what we should learn but DO YOU LEARN HOW TO RESPECT??? You may KNOW everything BUT you still HUMAN!!! You still NOT the person who control us. EVEN president need to LEARN!!! And YOU? WHO ARE YOU? Even boss need to RESPECT his/her workers. But YOU? WHO the F*cking HELL ARE YOU? You still WORKING!!! YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS!!! YOU EARN NOTHING!!! TRY to do business and DON'T RESPECT your customers like you did on me...YOU WILL NEVER EVER EARN ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE!!! YOU WILL ALWAYS BANKRUPT. Damn it...

Haihz...damn it. I HATE THIS!!! I hate this happen on me every time. I work hard and what I got? A Bully...DAMN IT!!! YOU THINK YOU BIG I SCARED!!! WHAT I SCARED IS MYSELF WHEN I LOSE CONTROL OF MY ANGER!!! You think I like to be my OLD self again? There will no turn back for me...It takes years SO STOP IT!!! I DON'T WANT any BLOODSHED IN MY LIFE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I rather DIE then being that way...haihz...PLEASE...I BEG YOU. Just STOP doing it. STOP making me SUFFER...I'm SUFFERING from controlling my anger. Please...PLEASE~~ T_T

Confusion About Me

2008-06-29T22:32:00.000+08:00

Damn...I'm Totally Confused. I don't know what to do. I always miss all the chances in my life. I been too picky for what I wanted. I can't change it at all. I can't change the way I am. I am who I am...sometimes I hate myself because for who I am. I'm trying hard to be better...so hard until my mind wanna explode. There are one time that I can't control myself...I go out from my house and wait for being "bodek"...well I guess God keeping everyone away from me. I been standing 1 spot where I always got "bodek" by damn philipines. But now it seems no one around...(I'm glad nothing happen too..T_T). Please don't get me wrong...I'm not that kind of person. Even there's someone around it doesn't mean I'm going to take action. I won't unless it gonna cost my life. Well...I'll be damn too protect myself from any danger....

Hey wait...what the hell I'm talking about? =.=" Damn it...

Well actually what happen to me now is that...I don't get any support from parents anymore. Well since long ago...you know...I'm totally "NOTTY" last time. Yeah you know what I mean...I'm BAD~~~ really bad until I lost my parents trust. It's been YEARS I been trying to get their trust but always fail. Just because for WHO I am...haihz...most of the times I wish I get adopted by chinese family. I really wish it because the way they thinking are totally different from other non-chinese family. I haven't meet any non-chinese family that think differently. My father says that I have many chinese friends but not one of them. I know I'm not chinese but it's not wrong to learn chinese way is it? I sacrifice my own culture just to learn chinese culture but...damn...I still gain nothing. I know I shouldn't forget my own culture but I HAVE to TRY...Just please support me but not. Not ever...Worst of all my mom. Everything I do is like totally opposite to her. I do good things, she thinks I do BAD things. I do bad things, she thinks I do WORST things. Oooohh My GOD...I can't believe I have a mom like this. Everything goes to CONCLUSION without even try to understand me especially HOW I feel now...I wish to run away from home but...I just can't not because I don't have money. It because WHO going to take care my mom when she's sick? This is me!!! THE MORE I HATE YOU THE MORE I LOVE YOU!!!...I CAN'T CHANGE THAT. IT's ME!!! PLEASE UNDERSTAND!!! T_T...uh uh uh...

I'm the youngest but PLEASE...STOP treating me like I'm still a child. STOP CONTROLLING MY LIFE!!! I CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING IN MY LIFE BECAUSE OF YOU CONTROLLING MY LIFE...PLEASE!!! I'm NOT like my oldest brother. He's SUCKS...He can't even take care his daughter...WHY ALWAYS I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HER??? I'm NOT her father. It's NOT my huge RESPONSIBILITY!!! It's THEIRs...LET Me GO PLEASE!!! Ever since I quit from my previous job I been trying to find a job with RM700-RM800 Basic so that I CAN HELP to pay car oil. HELP to pay bills...HELP to pay car loans. CAN'T YOU ALL UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL NOW??? I'm CONFUSED!!! I can't find any except office...I HATE WORK IN OFFICE!!! I hate wearing formal clothes...PLEASE RESPECT ME!!! I'm a physical worker...MUST get tired if NOT...I GET LAZY very fast. T_T...Why can't you understand me??? haihz~~ I promise myself...IF I have RM1000+ basic...I would give RM50 for those commoners on the streets or I invite them to eat. I'm Sympathy them...I UNDERSTAND them...Think what you do if you are "one" of them??? then you get treated like you treated them...HOW would you FEEL??? I HAVE TO BE ONE OF YOU LOADS OF SHIT because I, myself NEED help. How to help them if you, yourself NEED help??? sigh~~

Now...I'm totally confused about myself. WHO AM I??? I can't find PART of myself anymore. THEY're GONE!!! VANISH!!! I even force myself until I get nose bleeding to find myself. I stick myself around chinese people...listening every words they say. Understand each of the words, the meaning of their conversation, and memorize it all. But...some people says I shouldn't continue to be someone else. Why??? Why always STOP me??? Why always BACKSTAB me? WHAT THE F*cking Hell Did I Do WRONG For You??? Is it always SIN to learn other culture??? WHO THE F*cking HELL are YOU??? You NOT even GOD...but stopping me to learn other culture??? Damn...I been nice to you all...I been RESPECT you all. This is what I Get??? haihz...What did I do wrong anyway? Even my relationship RUINS...Other people can have a different culture relationship...WHY ME CAN'T??? Why Always RUINS my relationship with chinese girls??? What did I do wrong??? I TREAT THEM GOOD!!! I'm NOT the F*cking PLAYBOY!!! I'm SWEATING & SCARED to get close to them anymore ever since I broke up with my EX...The only place I can get close to them is from internet, friendster, chatting software & etc. Meet? I'm SCARED!!! How the F*cking Hell I want to be playboy??? I'm even SWEAT more when the girls get close to me...I even SCARED more when the girls try to touch me. But I just pretend boys touch me..."PRETEND"...I had enough pretending...I'm So F*cking HURT!!! So STOP Backstabbing ME!!! I'm NOT playboy...

This month...the worst month ever...haihz...I wish next month would be better. And I also wish there's part of me would change. About last relationship? well...I still need more time. I got to tell you that...It doesn't mean I feel calm when I get surrounded by girls...to tell the truth. My heart get worst and worst pain. I don't know why...but it just how I feel. Even I go to church to calm myself...It still the same. I try hard to find a way to calm but one thing I know is all about money...To be honest...money is EVERYTHING to me. The only thing that would change my life. I try to talk about this with my family but...damn it always fail. They ask too much questions that I can't even answer one of it. I heard some people says money is not value...the only value is yourself. Damn...the answer I gave to this sentences...Give me all the money and see how you survive. There's one guy ever taught me this...at 1st it is true...but...my instinct said that "YOU NEED MONEY TO SURVIVE...It is VALUE to us to SURVIVE". Damn...I'm so so so so confused. I wonder HOW will the chinese ELDEST respond about this. Wish to know their comments. I don't want from F*cking youngster...I want from those who really understand what "money" really means...Can they survive without money??? I don't think anyone can...

Well...this is it...I feel much better to release everything here. I still feel a bit moody...but...well...I am trying though. Haha...

P/s : Please Understand What I'm trying to say here...I'm SO SO SO SO SORRY if I offend you all...SORRY~~~~ I'm totally sorry...I'm not asking for anything here ok? It just I'm releasing everything I feel...But it is not 100%. So... ... ...yeah...thanks for reading it and I hope you all can give me comments. I don't mind BAD or GOOD comments...just say it. Maybe it might wake me up...hahaha NO HARD FEELING ok? Peace ^^V

Before You Go

2008-06-29T01:05:00.000+08:00

Before You Go

I know you ain't tryna hear me out but
There's a couple of things i wanna get off my chest
Listen...

I know sometimes you wonder when i'm not there
You feel frustrated thinking that i don't care
Cause I don't...answer my phone
I don't...return your call
I don't...do all the things
That I...once did before

It's just the way i am, let me assure you
Baby nothing could be further from the truth
Sometimes I...be working late
Cause I...gotta write that song
Don't be...too quick to judge
Thinking...that something's wrong

I know I should've spend more time
That was my mistake
Girl I don't wanna change your mind
But before you go...

Chorus:
Just know that, I wasn't tryna push you away
All I ever wanted was you to stay
And before you up and leave
I just need you to see
Losing you was not a part of the plan
Know that, I wasn't tryna push you away
And before you go just let me say
I'm sorry I couldn't be...that boy But please believe
All I wanted was...all I wanted was to be your man

Baby understand I never meant to hurt you
And I realized the way that I mistreat you
I'm thinking...of all the things
That I...I could've done
Should've...made you believe
That...you were the one

To see you walk away caught me by suprise
I guess you meant more to me than I realized
I wish...I could go back
But...what's done is done
So now...I guess it's time
That we...try to move on

I know I should've been right there
That was my mistake
Girl I ain't tryna change your mind
I know it's much too late...='(

Chorus:
Just know that, I wasn't tryna push you away
All I ever wanted was you to stay
And before you up and leave
I just need you to see
Losing you was not part of the plan
Know that, I wasn't tryna push you away
And before you go just let me say
I'm sorry I couldn't be...that boy But please belive
All i wanted was...all I wanted was to be your man

I thought i needed time and space
But seeing you walk away
Has made me realize this isn't
How it was supposed to be...

Rap:
As I'm...sitting here alone writing this song
Tryna figure out what the hell went wrong
I remember how we used to be baby
And everything I did that would drive you crazy
I would stay up all night
You go left and I go right
To the studio of confessionals
Sitting right by another fight
You were right
Yes I learn, did like usher and let it burn
Wish I could turn back the hands of time
Make you wanna stand three little words
Looking back...it was just that easy
I'm not saying this so that you won't leave me
I just hope you hear the song and believe me

Chorus: x 2
Just know that, I wasn't tryna push you away
All I ever wanted was you to stay
And before you up and leave
I just need you to see
Losing you was not part of the plan
Know that, I wasn't tryna push you away
And before you go just let me say
I'm sorry I couldn't be...that boy But please believe
All i wanted was...all I wanted was to be your man

I dedicated this song to someone I love before...wish you understand the meaning of the song. I'm sorry...please be Happy & Good Luck...^^ Wish You All The Best In Everything You Do...May God Bless You & Your Family...and May God Bless You Two too...^^

Peace

-Rick-

Learning Hip Hop Moves

2008-06-22T11:01:00.000+08:00

Anyone wanna learn hip hop moves??? its FUN!!! Don't ever think it is HARD. If you really wanna learn it, there's no IMPOSSIBLE word in this. XD hehehe come ler come ler~~ lets learn together wahahahaha...but there's only one problem...@.@" we don't have a place to train~~~ T_T

Let's learn this moves together. After we manage to do it without any false moves. We do it FAST and ENERGETIC. XD hehehehe lai ler...lai lerr~~~ XD wakakakakaka LAI BAH...kick your arse ooo...XD hehehe jk jk...

Untitle...

2008-06-22T10:58:00.000+08:00

Anyone can help me tell the meaning of this song? XD hehehe Its hard for me to know whether it is about sad or happy thing...but the songs very nice...XD